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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:

PatellarTendonitis · 06/02/2020 10:40

He needs to start sharing the cooking. 'He's a shit cook', well, practice makes perfect. Time to split the cooking and washing up and meal planning and shopping so he sees the budget. YANBU. He's got 'form' for this with snacks. Time to have a discussion. Plenty of people are on a budget and can't afford for one person to hoover up the most expensive food as a snack.

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 10:40

did you miss that the family are on a tight budget? Not everyone can replace weekday family meals with takeaways without a care because one person ate the entire family's food

I may have missed that, yes. But my point was- HE can sort out the next day meal since HE was the one who ate it all. I totally agree with you- why should everyone eat beans just because of his selfishness which is why I suggested he buy a takeaway from HIS money. If he cant afford that then he needs to rustle up something else. WTF should OP have to do it when it was his fault?

OlaEliza · 06/02/2020 10:40

LettertoHermoine
The vitriol and name calling because the man came home and ate tomorrows curry is ridiculous. WHERE does the penis come into it? He works, his partner works, she cooks, he cleans up..that seems fair to me. He ate a fucking CURRY!!!!! That's all he did! Yet he is all the names under the sun! His contribution to family life?? Are you for real? He ate a curry!! How do you know what else he does? All you know is he doesn't cook because he is shit at it so he washes up instead. It is NOTHING to do with gender or penises.

He ate the entire family meal, pretty much, intended for the next day when they budget every meal. After his dinner. He left none for op who made it. Or his other child.

It's beyond selfish imo and I wouldn't cook for him from now on.

ChickenyChick · 06/02/2020 10:43

He did not just eat a curry

He ate 3 curries

leaving the rest of the family with 1 portion between them

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/02/2020 10:44

He left none for op who made it. Or his other child.

Because he thought/assumed they had already had theirs and it was left over. Ten bloody pages and no one has understood this.

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 10:47

Because he thought/assumed they had already had theirs and it was left over

This makes no sense whatsoever. If he thought it was leftovers then why was there SO MUCH left over and why would he leave some for his son if he thought his son had already eaten everything he could manage? Good grief- if you get leftovers of that amount, the OP must have made an entire restaurant size portion. If he thought that, he's fcking stupid

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/02/2020 10:47

I'm really surprised by how many people are defending the DH. It seems like a clear cut case of being selfish and greedy to me. That's not to say that the DH is always selfish and greedy, but in this instance I can't see how it's not and none of the replies have convinced me otherwise.

Are posters being defensive because they also overeat? Is it the fact that we're talking about food that has made this thread weird? How can anyone think that it's reasonable to eat your tea and then a few hours later eat a whole family meal to yourself? That's surely the very definition of greedy?

IntermittentParps · 06/02/2020 10:50

ToEarlyForDecorations, people have understood, thanks very much. He made an assumption, and a bloody weird one. Who would think a massive family-sized curry was all leftovers and all for one person? And if he really wasn't sure, what is so hard about saying 'is that chicken downstairs going begging?'
He was greedy and thoughtless. He can sort dinner next time and worry about the cost.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/02/2020 10:52

How can anyone think that it's reasonable to eat your tea and then a few hours later eat a whole family meal to yourself? That's surely the very definition of greedy?

No, that's the definition of hungry.

So he wanted some supper. What's the issue ?

If the OP wasn't so controlling about food, he wouldn't be so compulsive when he saw what he believed to be, 'fair game.'

QueSera · 06/02/2020 10:52

So he came home from work late, was hungry, saw a meal, and ate it?
Seems perfectly reasonable to me. Was he supposed to eat something else instead? Can that thing that he didn't eat be dinner for you and the kids tomorrow?
He obviously has a large appetite - I can't imagine policing a partner's portion size, nor having a partner judge mine.
Ok so this is inconvenient for you, but people are entitled to eat.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/02/2020 10:54

@JammieCodger there have been occasional times when 5 hours after my evening meal I have been hungry enough to eat a take away yeah. I dont eat meat so wouldnt have the chicken but I know cooking for everyone else in this house in a curry we have more than 1 chicken breast per adult. Microwave rice is 3/4 of a packet per adult sometimes the whole packet if they are hungry. No tapeworm, no obesity and most definitely no endurance athlete

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 10:56

So he wanted some supper. What's the issue ?

The issue is he ate the entire family meal by himself. First you said he assumed it was leftovers and now youre saying he ate it as his "supper".

Make your mind up.

Damntheman · 06/02/2020 10:56

How on earth is it reasonable to eat something that it clearly sized for the whole family without even asking if it's available for snacking on first? Particularly when you KNOW your family is on a tight food budget. It's not reasonable at all, in fact it is wildly unreasonable and inconsiderate.

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/02/2020 10:57

How can anyone think that it's reasonable to eat your tea and then a few hours later eat a whole family meal to yourself? That's surely the very definition of greedy?

No, that's the definition of hungry.

Hungry is coming in, seeing the curry sat on the side and asking the person who made it if it's ok to have a portion. Not coming in and eating the whole thing!

frazzledasarock · 06/02/2020 10:58

Bet if he had to cook and budget for it himself he’d miraculously manage on some toast and fruit for an late evening snack.

LochJessMonster · 06/02/2020 11:02

So he came home from work late, was hungry, saw a meal, and ate it? this

I doubt he saw the meal and thought, I'll eat all of that just so wife can't.
I'm not sure why he would need to ask permission to eat food in his own house?

It was thoughtless (and perhaps greedy but tbh if I like something I tend to eat more than one portion) but I don't think he is deserving of all the vitriol on this thread.

ffswhatnext · 06/02/2020 11:06

Hardly any chicken breasts weigh around 113g/4 oz.
so yes @ToEarlyForDecorations it is possible that the average breast is enough protein for 2 people

When I’ve been on a very limited budget I have bought 300g for around £2. Enough for 2 adults and a young child who require less protein.

Ok so for argument sake, the op allowed each person their correct protein portion, it’s still too bloody much. Then add in the veg etc and rice, and he’s a greedy pig.

It’s not a snack. Try eat 4 portions of curry and a packet of rice then come back and say it’s a snack.

Tinabn · 06/02/2020 11:07

OP works full time. She has 3 children under 5. She prepared a meal FOR THE NEXT DAY - she can come home and see to the children with out having to think about dinner and she has used up ingredients that were going to be out of date so even better, if you haven’t experienced the feeling that you have beaten the system by doing this you haven’t lived. Her husband has already eaten and has been out with a friend while she has been cooking and looking after the children and then comes home and ensures that her work is wasted. Mumsnet goes on about mental load, this is what this is about, a total lack of thought about how the house is run and what his wife does everyday.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/02/2020 11:09

f the OP wasn't so controlling about food, he wouldn't be so compulsive when he saw what he believed to be, 'fair game.' That's such twisted thinking.

a) How do you work out OP is "so controlling about food" ?

b) Fair game!?!?! This is his home, his family. Not some bloody teen competition!

Hungry and sensible thinking would have meant he saw it, thought about it and worked out it was for some other meal.. as they had all eaten earlier! Sensible would have been a discussion or a smaller portion or even something else being eaten.

Being a man and being hungry are not excuses for lack of thought,

I still can't get over Fair game WTF?!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/02/2020 11:10

So he came home from work late, was hungry, saw a meal, and ate it?

No. He came home from hanging out with a friend where he was fed a meal, and then wolfed a family sized potion of curry that his wife had spent time making for the next day for everyone to enjoy.

Just greedy.

IvinghoeBeacon · 06/02/2020 11:11

“If the OP wasn't so controlling about food, he wouldn't be so compulsive when he saw what he believed to be, 'fair game.'“

What a completely weird conclusion to jump to
Just complete desperation to blame the OP and excuse the man

LochJessMonster · 06/02/2020 11:12

He wouldn't have eaten it if he wasn't hungry.

Yeah he was thoughtless and made a mistake and he needs to fix it by sorting tomorrows meal out but its not the crime of the century.

IvinghoeBeacon · 06/02/2020 11:13

Budgeting/meal planning =/= controlling

And I think most “traditional 1950s housewives” (for want of a better description) and their husbands would have been very unimpressed by his behaviour

mantarays · 06/02/2020 11:19

I agree that he was selfish, but I don’t like the “greedy pig” posts. He was hungry and he ate food in his own home. He shouldn’t have done that because now another meal needs to be made, but he’s not a “pig”. That’s unkind and I wouldn’t appreciate being called that if I ate more than usual as a one off.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/02/2020 11:22

traditional 1950s housewives

We go marching back to the 1950's whenever there's any give and take in relationships.

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