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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 06/02/2020 10:15

Ugh. People’s attitude to food and the overeating being normalised on this thread is grim.

No one I spend time with would eat 3 chicken breasts in one go. It’s not just about calorie intake; what about the cost to the planet.

In terms of the OP, YANBU at all! I know that if I’d prepared tomorrow’s dinner in amongst looking after three young children and working I’d be feeling pretty triumphant! The DH’s disregard for the effort the OP is going to to feed the family well is unpleasant.

ffswhatnext · 06/02/2020 10:15

if Micro rice wasn’t enough to feed two people as claimed on the packaging they would have been told to remove it for false advertising.
Some people also put in things like chick peas and potatoes into their curries, thus requiring the carb content to be reduced, ie the rice.

Then 4 chicken breasts. Most of which are more than one portion. The children in particular would have used one between them if op was stingy on portions.
So potentially he’s eaten enough for 6-8 people depending on the breast size.

Patchworksack · 06/02/2020 10:16

I'd be really cross if DH did this. If he's not around at dinner time then I plate him up a serving to reheat (and he does the same when I work late) If he is peckish in the evening, as we eat pretty early with the children, he has some toast, cereal or cheese and biscuits. I don't understand how someone can serve themselves essentially three adult portions of dinner without thinking about it. It's disrespectful of your time, effort and budget.

mantarays · 06/02/2020 10:17

So potentially he’s eaten enough for 6-8 people depending on the breast size.

Behave. 😂 He’d be the size of a blimp. He’s eaten a (very) large portion of curry and some rice, not a Tudor banquet.

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 10:18

I don’t think that would be affordable, the op has implied they’re on a budget

If this is the case then it makes his actions even MORE selfish doesnt it? If he has blown the food budget for that day then the OP is justified in just giving him a tin of soup to eat. If he knows they are on a tight budget and ate an entire family meal as a snack then that doesnt say much for his sense of love or care for his family...

TinklyLittleLaugh · 06/02/2020 10:18

Well there’s making a curry and making a curry. I mean I can crack open the curry powder on a school night and produce something half decent with minimal effort, or I can dig out my old Madhur Jaffrey books and be standing over a stove for hours, frying whole spices and carefully stirring in yogurt to produce something amazing.

frazzledasarock · 06/02/2020 10:19

Isn’t it very disrespectful?

The man knew that the others hadn’t eaten it as he saved some for his son. What did he think his wife would eat then?

It is greedy and unreasonable and disrespectful.

And an entire bag of microwave plus the best part of a four chicken breast curry is a massive portion.

I find cooking tedious, curry’s are a faff especially if you’re making them from scratch. I hate coming home from a days work then having to cook immediately. He has now taken away a chance for OP to come home tomorrow and not have to cook.

Many years ago ex’s nephew came to live with us whilst he ‘studied’, he did the exact same thing as OP’s husband and I had a baby and toddler as well as a job to hold down. I kicked the arsehole out of my house and sent him to stay at ex’s house (to ex’s fury as OW lived there, but I didn’t know that).
Still remember coming home to find a four person curry all eaten, I actually cried at the thought of having to cook again. I was so so tired.

And that’s beside the budgeting point.

Russellbrandshair · 06/02/2020 10:20

Wow what a selfish dickhead!
He can make the next meal then can’t he?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 06/02/2020 10:20

'Greedy' posts are like bloody catnip on this site. What an ever-popular subject!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/02/2020 10:20

A microwave packet of rice is not generally enough for two people though.

Microwave rice comes in single and double portions. A double portion does two in our house.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/02/2020 10:21

So potentially he’s eaten enough for 6-8 people depending on the breast size

If there was 4 chicken breasts and vegetables in the curry, it would quite reasonably feed them for dinner with leftovers for the freezer

Grin Grin

RickSanchez · 06/02/2020 10:24

He’s eaten a (very) large portion of curry
Say he's saved the DS under 5 yo half a chicken breast, that still means he has eaten 3.5 chicken breasts, with veg, sauce and a full packet of rice. That's his own portion, his wife's and 2 of the other kids', it's not even a normal sized meal, let alone a late night snack.

I get he had munchies but it would have been obvious that it was untouched in the pan, he should have at least checked to make sure it was ok to eat before demolishing the entire thing.

I'm not suggesting he be lynched but I think its reasonable to expect him to sort tea out tonight. Its not the crime of the century but it's definitely thoughtless and greedy.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 06/02/2020 10:25

It's not just the £ budget, it's the time budget given OP works and has 3 small children.

Cooking a chicken curry for tomorrow takes a big slice of a very small amount of "disposable" time today, leaving you with an hour free tomorrow in return.

Not only did the husband four extra physical meals at 10pm with the related £ cost (despite already having eaten his evening meal earlier) he also effectively ate an hour of his wife's free time if he's not going to cook tomorrow's dinner himself (which it doesn't sound as though he is).

I agree that it's miserable to deny hungry people food if you have it, but not a family meal for two adults and two preschool children as a late night snack when you are dinner earlier. That is the behaviour of a stoner or someone very drunk, or at a stretch a thoughtless teen in the middle of their main ruthless growth spurt when returning home from very intense sports activities... Not a responsible parent and thoughtful spouse.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 10:26

Lol, struggling to understand why some folks are saying that if you think this is just mildly annoying and thoughtless and not the crime of the century. It means you also think uou should be greeting uour husband with blow jobs and serving him martinis.

And nah, if it was a woman who ate it it would still be mildly annoying and thoughtless and not the crime of the century,

I'm also going to guarantee there are people on here screeching who are on a tight food budget but over weight and still manage to find the extra money to over eat themselves,,,100 percent guarantee it.

BarbaraofSeville · 06/02/2020 10:26

^So potentially he’s eaten enough for 6-8 people depending on the breast size

If there was 4 chicken breasts and vegetables in the curry, it would quite reasonably feed them for dinner with leftovers for the freezer^

I don't understand why people are laughing at these comments.

A chicken breast is usually more than one adult portion in a curry (a portion is around 100 g and a chicken breast is usually more like 150 g), especially when there's veg in there as well and the OPs family is two adults and two small children.

Therefore it would be reasonable for two chicken breasts to make a curry for one family meal, and hence four chicken breasts to feed the family twice?

JammieCodger · 06/02/2020 10:28

SweenyTodd, you’d have 2 chicken breasts, a quarter of a kilo of rice and then might be hungry enough for a takeaway a few hours later? Either you’ve got tapeworms or you’re endurance athletes in training. (Although best to avoid takeaways if that’s the case.)

IvinghoeBeacon · 06/02/2020 10:29

Why are people focusing on the microwave rice? He has eaten nearly four chicken breasts’ worth of food that was the following day’s meal. The lack of respect for the OP’s time and effort in terms of cooking and budgeting is breathtaking. Absolutely amazed at the lengths MNers will go to to excuse a man’s poor behaviour. “He should get a takeaway” - how does that help a family on a budget?! “Do you always police his food” - a considerate man would check that they weren’t inconveniencing his partner like this. This is an absolutely obvious case of lack of consideration and selfishness and the OP’s irritation is entirely justified but still people are desperately looking for ways to excuse him.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/02/2020 10:31

Lol, struggling to understand why some folks are saying that if you think this is just mildly annoying and thoughtless and not the crime of the century. It means you also think uou should be greeting uour husband with blow jobs and serving him martinis.

This^. Yep, this is MN.

TwentyViginti · 06/02/2020 10:31

I've seen so many threads on MN about men who hoover up meals and snacks meant for the whole family, and the woman has to resort to hiding food. I wonder where this male entitlement comes from?

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 06/02/2020 10:32

MimiLaRue did you miss that the family are on a tight budget? Not everyone can replace weekday family meals with takeaways without a care because one person ate the entire family's food.

Everyone else shouldn't have to eat beans on toast because dad ate the chicken curry for the entire family - what century are we in? Meat for the man, as much as he wants, beans and bread for the little woman and children if daddy are all the meat? Actually perhaps this is the OP's husband's mindset as he graciously saved chicken for one male child only, not the rest of the household!

derxa · 06/02/2020 10:33

If I'd cooked it I'd probably have eaten some myself.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/02/2020 10:34

A chicken breast is usually more than one adult portion in a curry (a portion is around 100 g and a chicken breast is usually more like 150 g

Half a chicken breast for an adult portion of the protein component for a main meal ?

Christ on a bike !

Fink · 06/02/2020 10:34

I live with an adult who would do this. When we cook in advance we have to leave out whatever portion he's allowed to have and put the rest somewhere obviously not to be touched, i.e. not in the kitchen. If there were one portion of curry there, he would eat it; if there were 4 portions, he would eat them all. I'm not defending it or saying it's acceptable behaviour. If it were my DP I would be livid, but the family dynamics mean I can't really say anything and have to live with it. I feel your pain, OP.

Elbeagle · 06/02/2020 10:36

Exactly what WooMaWang said... it wouldn’t be the money for me that was a problem, but the time making it.
OP works, looks after two young children and spent time making tomorrow’s dinner, meaning that she wouldn’t have to cook tomorrow. Now she does have to cook tomorrow, plus source additional ingredients. That’s what I’d be pissed off about.
And to those saying half a packet of rice isn’t enough... surely it is if eating it alongside a curry made for 4 people?! I could probably polish off a whole packet, but not alongside 4 chicken breasts, sauce and veg, after having already eaten my evening meal (whatever people choose to call it).

katewhinesalot · 06/02/2020 10:37

Make sure that he cooks his own meal tonight. Make food for you and the kids if he won't/can't do it, but don't you dare make him anything op.

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