Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for cf pregnancy comments

149 replies

3teens · 05/02/2020 23:10

Out for lunch with my 30w pregnant niece (20) Random woman comes up to commiserate me on my teenage sister being 'in trouble' and asking how my parents feel.
I was livid. Told her I was actually her aunt, have 5dc myself and my neice is married, has her own home and chose to be pregnant.
Reminded me of being in SCBU with my twins 14 years ago and a HCA asking me what she should buy her DD for her 18th bday.
I replied, 'when I turned 18 my parents bought me xyz but that was 5 years back'
HCA was stunned. Thought I was 16.

OP posts:
oldfashionedtastingtea · 05/02/2020 23:16

Not me but a friend was once spoken very rudely to in a bus by two older women. They found it a disgrace that she got pregnant so young. She commented that at age 36, almost 37 she was getting too old to wait any longer. Yes, she was quite beautiful but did look her age.

Lxx16 · 05/02/2020 23:21

Nothing to do with my age but not long after announcing our first pregnancy I had a handful of people asking two questions "was it planned?" and "are you happy?"

Really don't see what difference it would have made whether the pregnancy was planned or not (it was and we had been ttc for almost 2 years but hadn't told anyone of our struggles) and yes we were over the moon!! I don't understand what gives people the right to ask those sort of questions!

I'm currently 40+7 and if they asked now I would I'm far from happy with my planned pregnancy.. I'm so friggin uncomfortable I wish he would hurry up and pop out 😂

Foslady · 05/02/2020 23:39

Agree re the was it planned.....
When I was pregnant it was all the one the top congratulations and they never thought I’d want to be a mum..,,..how proud they all were......as if nothing else I’d ever achieved had been up to much in the previous 34 years......

Daftodil · 05/02/2020 23:40

@Lxx16

Nothing to do with my age but not long after announcing our first pregnancy I had a handful of people asking two questions "was it planned?" and "are you happy?"

I had this too! So rude. Also got asked "can you afford it?" (FWIW, yes to all of the above!)

I also get annoyed by everyone telling you their opinions on baby names.

Eg Me: "I like the name Bob, it's a family name, it means a lot to me"
Friend: "Bob?!" (Pulls disgusted face) "Eurgh! That is the most common name amongst unemployed homicidal homeless crack addicts"

Foslady · 05/02/2020 23:41

Over the top

Original poster
3teens · 05/02/2020 23:50

@foslady what is over the top

OP posts:
Original poster
3teens · 05/02/2020 23:52

Sorry just got it

OP posts:
Original poster
3teens · 05/02/2020 23:56

With having twins, CF questions were 'are they planned?'
'of course, I ordered 2 eggs from my ovaries....'
'how do you manage??'
'err, I have to..'

OP posts:
okiedokieme · 05/02/2020 23:58

I got commented at recently whilst out with dd20, basically implying I had been a teenage mother (I wasn't, by several years). Why do people feel the need to comment?

ultrablue · 06/02/2020 00:01

Pregnant with DC3 I had,

oh was it planned?

Well yes, quicker than expected but yes.

Bet you were surprised to be pregnant?

Well not really, the only surprise was to get pregnant after only managing to have sex once after having my coil removed haha

Why are you having another one?

Because we *** want another child..

Braan · 06/02/2020 00:06

I was asked if my pregnancy was planned. Also told that I should buy x,y & z and then a few months later was asked if I had gone out and bought said items. He was quite affronted when I told him no and we didn't plan to. I didn't know babies came with a compulsory shopping list!

Shortly after DD was born we had a few "when are you having another one?"
Us: "we're not having anymore"
Them: "you can't just have one!"
Us: "yes we can"
Them: "you HAVE to give you DD a sibling!" "you say that now but you'll change your minds!"

mrsBtheparker · 06/02/2020 00:15

Just before I retired from teaching in my late fifties, I was asked by a pupils was I a Nana and I said No. She was amazed because her Mam was only 34 and she had three grandchildren!

Ancientruin · 06/02/2020 06:43

My Dad after my miscarriage.....

“Are you sure this time?”

As if I wasn’t sure last time ConfusedAngry

Ivf too.

Dickhead.

TheNoiseHurts · 06/02/2020 06:52

I had lots of "was it planned?!"
With DC3, I never had that with the other two 🤷🏼‍♀️

It does get a bit annoying. I don't want to say yes it was, it's like saying the sex was a deliberate act and why should I have to divulge that to them? And if I say no it wasn't then they are left wondering how it happened.

Piss off!

meredithgrey1 · 06/02/2020 07:07

Despite being told yes each time, my DM asked monthly if my pregnancy was planned. And since DD was born shes been insistent we have another because she views having just one child as a "legal form of child abuse" (she thinks everyone should have three children, because she had three children and therefore three is the perfect number and she should be applauded for achieving it). I've pretty much stopped listening when she gives her opinions now.

user1493413286 · 06/02/2020 07:10

Was it planned was a regular question for me; I was 27, engaged, at a good point in my career and living with my partner so it seemed an odd question.

Butterbeeeen · 06/02/2020 07:18

I had 2 babies in a year. Totally planned that way as we had had a rough time the first time. If I had had a pound for everytime someone said I'd have my hands full. Then when DD arrived I'd get oh buy one get one free on babies. Bore off

Morgan12 · 06/02/2020 07:45

No one ever said anything to me when I was pregnant but I seen the looks. I felt very insecure going out when I was late on and showing because I just knew people were thinking I was too young. I was 26 though, and married! Just looked really young.

The baby who didn't sleep for 6 years changed that of course and now I look old AF.

avocadont · 06/02/2020 07:58

I signed a risk assessment saying I had to have 40m break for every 6h and I don't get paid for my breaks so I make sure I take them. I was sat down eating my food (I work in a pub) and a group of 5 women came to the bar which my colleague starting serving, I gave her a thumbs up to see if she was okay and she nodded. Shortly after another reasonably large group came to the bar so I jumped on to help just in time to overhear these women grilling my colleague about why I was sat down, my colleague calmly explain that I'm pregnant and hadn't had a break yet in the shift and one of looked at me and very loudly announced "well she doesn't look it."

Well you don't look like a massive twat but it appears that you are one...

Other than that is just immense judgement from other people I don't know, I ordered a mocktail while out with my friend having dinner and the woman on the table next to us felt it necessary to look at me when we were putting our coats on and exclaim "oh my god she's pregnant and she's drinking!!!" (I was so taken aback I just mumbled "it's a mock ail" and left, I hate confrontation at the best of times) although I do understand that's how it looked, I don't order mocktails anymore 😂

HunterAngel · 06/02/2020 08:12

I struggled a bit to shift the weight after having DS. Went back to work on a keeping in touch day and got asked by a colleague if I was having the next one already! Rather taken back I just said no I’m just fat! and walked away.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 06/02/2020 08:50

My brother, on hearing I was pregnant 'and is that a good thing?'

His DP to me 'You've not really put much weight on, even though you're 26 weeks now. I always thought you were the type of person who'd get really fat when they were pregnant. Are you sure you're eating properly?'

bananaontoast1 · 06/02/2020 08:54

Someone I work with asked me if my husband was worried if it wasn't his...!

FYI... my baby is definitely my husband's!

pollysproggle · 06/02/2020 08:58

Not pregnant but got my boob out to feed my two week old baby at an NCT group (I was 23 at the time) and a woman approached and said 'oh you're breastfeeding? You don't look the type!'

ReallyLilyReally · 06/02/2020 08:59

I had someone ask me if my pregnancy was the reason we'd got married. We'd been married almost a year, and engaged a year before that!? I was 8wks pregnant.

Also LOTS of people asked me if she was planned. I found that really offensive - "were you deliberately having unprotected sex or are you just stupid?"

Dollywilde · 06/02/2020 09:01

Weirdly I haven’t been asked ‘was it planned’ but DH has been (by a colleague). Not that that question is ever appropriate but we’re 30 and 34, been married 18 months, homeowners and in steady professional jobs.. he did say he felt like asking ‘what do you think?’

Swipe left for the next trending thread