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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for cf pregnancy comments

149 replies

3teens · 05/02/2020 23:10

Out for lunch with my 30w pregnant niece (20) Random woman comes up to commiserate me on my teenage sister being 'in trouble' and asking how my parents feel.
I was livid. Told her I was actually her aunt, have 5dc myself and my neice is married, has her own home and chose to be pregnant.
Reminded me of being in SCBU with my twins 14 years ago and a HCA asking me what she should buy her DD for her 18th bday.
I replied, 'when I turned 18 my parents bought me xyz but that was 5 years back'
HCA was stunned. Thought I was 16.

OP posts:

ImperfectAlf · 07/02/2020 18:45

MIL on second pregnancy (first ended in miscarriage at 17 weeks)
‘I told you I didn’t want to be a grandma LAST time. Cow.

Phew999 · 07/02/2020 20:25

Slightly different but when I was heavily pregnant, I had a kid point at me in the supermarket and say “look, there’s mummy pig” 😳

Winterwoollies · 07/02/2020 21:54

Anyone else hate unsolicited touching in pregnancy? It’s bad enough from remote family members (I HATE it, some IL are a bit grabby with me) but from strangers it is unbearable. I’ve started pretending I’m not pregnant and staring at them in horror.

It embarrasses whomever I’m walking about with at the time but hopefully it will make the grabber think twice before ever grabbing another pregnant woman again.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 07/02/2020 22:29

@winterwoollies oh my god its the worst!!! I used to rub their belly back 😂

I'm pretty sure I've told this story somewhere before on the forum, when I was pregnant with ds I went for a pub lunch with some friends, and one of them spent the entire meal with her arms around me determined to feel him kick, he stayed totally still the entire time, she told my bump as we left that when "you come out you can't escape me" funnily enough she hasn't met him and he's almost 7 months old....

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/02/2020 22:34

A midwife told me to have some dignity because I was breastfeeding my son in the hospital with the curtains open and apparently one of the male partners of the ladies near me had complained. As I am a bitch I then breastfed DS openly throughout my stay at the hospital.

Winterwoollies · 07/02/2020 22:40

@OhWellThatsJustGreat oh I couldn’t have coped with that at all. What a maniac! I don’t blame him for laying still and hoping she’d go away.

It’s really horrendous. I’ve had people grab me and then ask if it’s ok. No it’s not. Get off me. Why is it so hard to tell people to eff off and stop touching us, though? I have half-jokingly threatened violence to a family member for doing it and they’ve eased up a bit. But why should the onus be on us to ask them to stop making us uncomfortable rather than them just not doing it in the first place?

doublebarrellednurse · 07/02/2020 23:23

I ate some chocolate in training recently. I'm 37 weeks. A support worker commented I should be eating more healthily.

I nearly ate them.

doublebarrellednurse · 07/02/2020 23:25

Oh I've been told I'm tiny throughout. It's made me a bit paranoid plus I feel massive

Asked if it was planned.

Asked why I'm working so late (I'll be 38+4 when I finish)

Asked how I could possibly start all over again now DS is 13yo

Forgivenandsetfree · 08/02/2020 00:33

@ImperfectAlf
I think I would have told your MIL 'well you don't have to be a grandmother, I'd rather you weren't too' or something along those lines, what a B.
So sorry for your loss

crispysausagerolls · 08/02/2020 08:40

It’s funny how tiny is just as offensive as large, isn’t it @doublebarrellednurse
Same woman with the breasts comment also asked me “is it normal to be so small” when I was 6m pregnant. I was like wtf - plus I was a tank.

EightiesHair · 08/02/2020 08:55

When I told my dad the news his first word was, 'Planned?'

I know there's a pretty small gap between babies but yes that was the intention dad!

Hellocanyouclapyourhands · 08/02/2020 09:09

Funny how everyone becomes an expert when you fall pregnant as well. All the unsolicited advice and know it alls. Usually from men.

My FIL and BIL were the worse for this. BIL no kids and never had a girlfriend suddenly became an expert midwife not that I ever told him anything.

FIL was by far the worst though. I’m still annoyed thinking about it!

They haven’t been as bad this pregnancy but I’ve not seen them as much.

Winterwoollies · 08/02/2020 09:54

@hellocanyouclapyourhands my FIL is the worst, too. He is a self appointed expert in all things and hates it when anyone, but especially women, point out why he’s wrong. He simply won’t have it and will argue black is white, even in the face of logic.

He has passed many a comment on my pregnancy so far and I am losing patience.

As an example, he criticised women with stretch marks for ‘allowing’ them to happen when they shouldn’t have done and said they look disgusting...

Twinklebinkletoes · 08/02/2020 10:04

Didn’t happen to me but a friend was 8 months pregnant and was choosing a bottle of wine in Waitrose to take as a gift to a dinner party she was going to that night. One of the sale assistants went up to her and told her that she shouldn’t be drinking whilst she was pregnant, it was bad for the baby, didn’t she know that? She then went on to say that if my friend came to her till, she would refuse to serve her as it would be for her ‘own good and the health of the baby’. My friend was

Quite rightly my friend complained and now doesn’t shop at Waitrose any more!

ginandgingers92 · 08/02/2020 11:27

@doublebarrellednurse @crispysausagerolls I'm getting this too! "Oh you're so tiny, aren't you lucky?!"
Umm no... this tiny bump is the result of a tiny baby and many many worrying hospital appointments and admissions which you've just reminded me of, but thaaaaanks 😣

Tootifroooooti · 08/02/2020 12:03

When I was pregnant with DC1 I was coming out of a family meal with my DH, parents and siblings.

My dad said “look after yourself” (or something on the lines of that). And my mum piped up and said “no she doesn’t have to look after herself she has to look after my Grandchild as if I was just a vessel. Twat.

doublebarrellednurse · 08/02/2020 14:09

@ginandgingers92 I've been lucky I think it's just how I'm carrying, I've also not gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy so I look the same just with a volleyball up my top. I hope you're sorted soon x

schafernaker · 08/02/2020 14:13

The ‘was it planned?’ Brigade were the ones that got me! Yes we are married, have a house, stable careers... but thanks for asking.

Same now with DC2 there will be a 2 year age gap and the same questions 🙄

ImperfectAlf · 08/02/2020 14:51

@Forgivenandsetfree
Thank you 😊. She and I have had our differences. Last time I was pregnant, with DS2, she said that it’d better not be ginger (he was) , CIA she can’t stand gingers. 😱this was said in front of DS1(also ginger) who was 4 at the time. We left.
Funnily enough, neither one spends much time with her now...malevolent witch.

ImperfectAlf · 08/02/2020 14:56

•said

HighlandMam1 · 08/02/2020 16:11

As someone who was a young mum I know only too well how hurtful comments can be especially regarding age. I was 17 when I had my daughter and no, she was not planned but doesn't mean for one minute I love her any less. I enjoyed motherhood so much that two years later we TTC (this time planned) and after the first round we were pregnant with my son. I had awful comments from people "I see no engagement ring and two children" with raised eyebrows! Even now with my daughter being 14 I often get comments along the lines of you don't look old enough to have a 14 year old. I find it shocking that anyone needs to comment on age around parenthood. I remember responding to someone one day and asked if they'd ever told anyone they looked too old to be a parent. She thought I was being ridiculous and "sensitive" but if you've spent most of your years being on the receiving end of inappropriate comments then it's quite hard to not be sensitive around the issue. I've had people ask me if I've just been unable to break a family pattern/cycle of teen pregnancy and they're even more gobsmacked when I tell them my parents were in their 40s when I was born!

Yogawoogie · 08/02/2020 16:29

Pregnant with third child and asked more than once why we were having a third when we already had a girl and a boy.

With first dc a rude midwife later apologised for her rudeness saying that she thought that I was a teen mum. Thanks.

Daftodil · 12/02/2020 22:59

@ImperfectAlf, you've just reminded me of a comment I had when pregnant with DC1. I was at my scan alone as baby's dad was travelling at the time and it came up in conversation that I thought my baby would be ginger as baby's dad was ginger (& I'm pale and freckly with ginger relatives on both sides). The sonographer said "oh, well you should've picked a different dad then"!

Same sonographer asked if I wanted to know the sex and asked if I thought the dad was "man enough" to make a boy.

Rosebel · 13/02/2020 10:49

Not exactly proud to admit this but a customer where I work touched my stomach (I do know her vaguely) and asked when I was due. Having had a pretty rough pregnancy and feeling sick I burst in to years and walked off. Not a normal reaction but perhaps next time she'll think twice before touching a,woman she barely knows. It's so rude, I mean you wouldn't do it any other circumstances. Why does being pregnant mean your stomach becomes public property?

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