Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

Some people should not be on the roads. I used to be friends with someone who wouldn't turn right onto main roads. She had her routes mapped out and never went anywhere she didn't know.

I have ADHD and dyslexia.

I am unable to estimate time, space, speed or distance and have spent thousands on lessons over the years.

I have a phobia of driving owing to an alcoholic father who was a drink driver. I have tried to learn but I’m a wreck in lessons. When you are just a small child whose brain is developing and then you are in the car with your drunk father or witness him getting out of a car paralytic it tends to wire your brain up in abject fear of being out there on the road with people who may be in that state.

I have been a train driver for 12 years. I get free train travel and a decent salary to take taxis if I need to (not that often). DH drives and is totally understanding about my driving phobia. He doesn’t swim owing to almost drowning as a child. We don’t bully each other over our phobias/anxieties because we are not dickheads to people.

OP, YABVU. Jjudgy people like you have been making me feel like shit about not driving my entire adult life.

In my forties, and with ADD and dyspraxia, I have spent thousands of pounds on lessons, always utterly terrified behind the wheel, unable to focus and reduced to tears before, during and afterwards.
As a teenager, my mum worked three jobs and my dad was an alcoholic so not an ideal driving instructor. I worked because we had very little - the money was spent on basic necessities. I did, however, have several friends whose parents bought them lessons. Great for them.

My first set of lessons, in London in my thirties, I undertook because my delightful boyfriend at the time told me he would never have children with me if I didn't drive. How would I possibly get them to hospital in an emergency? (Ambulance, perhaps?) Feeling pangs of prematernal guilt, I booked lessons. He dumped me not long after I started. I dumped the lessons.

I began learning again when I had children and moved to a small town. After countless lessons and not even making it out of town, I stopped learning. I would dearly love to be able to drive, but I am highly anxious and distracted behind the wheel and I will not risk the lives of my children or others. My partner drives but he is a lovely man who understands this. I don't ask for lifts, I walk to work/walk the children to school and activities and get the bus where necessary. Not driving has not hindered my life to even half the extent that judgemental attitudes like yours has. I am a professional, independent self employed woman, and far from the 1950's housewife you describe. There are untold ways that I positively contribute to our family without driving. If we go on holiday, my husband may drive a fair distance but it is I who have planned, booked and budgeted for said holiday as these things are not his forte. I also do most of the cooking, as he is generally best with baked beans. He could pore through cookbooks and develop his cooking skills, but prefers not to and that is ok. Give and take. No judgement.

I agree OP. I have two friends whose partners don't drive out of choice. Both have mentioned in the past that they are resentful of being the sole driver in the relationship - the responsibility of constantly being the 'designated driver' and not being able to drink, not being able to share the load on long journeys... I find it quite selfish to be honest. I fully appreciate that there are people who simply can't afford it or have health reasons, but just not wanting to do it? Selfish.
I don't particularly like driving, never have, and it took me an embarrassing amount of times to pass my test due to sheer nerves. I persevered though as getting buses everywhere would make life about 5000 times harder, especially with two children.

But that's not been the case since you were 17?

Did you miss the second half of my post, where I said I only recently moved to a location where I need to learn??

My spacial awareness is awful. I crashed my DC's prams into so many things (and people.) I once took down a whole shelf in a shop. I walk into doors or door frames on an almost daily basis. Even just today I managed to punch someone I was walking past as I wasn't aware of how close my arm was to him.

Add some health issues to that now I'm older (scariest one for driving probably being that random flashes of light will cause a visual migraine making me unable to see properly, sometimes for hours at a time. Car lights at night are the worst but it also happens when sunlight bounces off anything shiny such as a car, a window or a wet road, I have to close my eyes as a passenger a lot, couldn't do that as a driver.)

DH rarely drives though, we have a car for when we need it (usually for when we do a big shop or if he's working a very early or very late shift) but we get free travel on public transport due to his job and we live in a place with both good public transport links and where almost everything we need is in walking distance anyway. I walk a lot and will happily turn down any offers of a lift because I'd rather walk it instead so really have no need to learn to drive.

My parents never drove as we could never afford it. Petrol, insurance, road tax, repairs etc was just too much.
Bus routes here are more than adequate. So no need.
And I don't drive now because I've lived my life without it and do perfectly fine. Also I have no desire to, whatsoever!
My partner does drive but he had a car before we met.

I have a license but have never owned a car or driven since I passed my test.
I walk to and from work.
Get shopping delivered and just have no need to drive

I could never be in a relationship with someone who couldn't be fucked to learn to drive.

^ Also, this. Such an unattractive quality to me.

This thread is so stupid. Why don't you start a thread asking:"If you don't have a degree - why not? If you can read and write, you are capable of doing a degree."

People prioritise differently and have different circumstances - go figure! (And yes I do have a degree, but no driving license. So not incompetent in every area of life, clearly. 😉)

I have driven for all of my adult life. But last May my car died and I can’t afford to replace it and it was a struggle to pay for the tax, insurance and maintenance. So I now have a railcard, take buses and walk lots! My dd thinks it’s great, she is quite the environmentalist. I do hire a car twice a year for holidays but that works out much cheaper than actually owning one.

My eyesight isnt good enough but actually i think we should be moving as a society to using public transport more/driving less anyway.

We actually live in the middle of nowhere but i work from home so my dp only drives me places at the weekend and most of the time its stuff we do together anyway.

Maybe it does put a greater driving burden ln him, but he's crap with money so I get that burden, we share our strengths the same as most couples do

Driving simply doesn't appeal to me.
I much prefer staring out the window of a bus or train, with my headphones or reading a book. Flying down the bus lane.
So much less stressful than sitting in endless traffic, moaning at other drivers on the way to/from work!

Also, what's it to you if my husband drives me everywhere? Are you equally horrified that I wash my husband's underpants?

And everyone I know who drives, complains about traffic and parking, constantly.
I'm happy in my bus lane

But.. my boyfriend will absolutely drive me everywhere and anywhere if I want it . Best of both worlds!!

How do all the judgy people on this thread feel when they are unfortunate enough to encounter a bad driver?

Frustrated, angry, scared? Have you ever yelled, "That so and so shouldn't be on the road!"

WE ARE DOING YOU A FAVOR! :o

We know that - whatever the reason - we shouldn't drive so don't.

You should be saying thank you very much.

Just saddened that we still seem to be in the 1950s with the little woman sitting next to the driving man.

What’s your issue OP? People have given varied reasons why they don’t drive but you’ve got a point of view and you certainly intend to stick to it, so I don’t know why you bothered to post.
Just to make you feel better though, I don’t have any female friends or relatives who can’t/won’t drive, and my anecdotal evidence is just as good as yours. So perhaps you’re just hanging round with the wrong sort of people.

Yes Glenda! Preach

@GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou

Oh hell yes! Spot on

I shall get a car.

I shall drive it only during rush hour and I shall get bumper stickers saying

"Honk If You Are Terrified!"

"Not a 1950's Housewive!"

"See? You Were Being Unreasonable!"

Housewife*, whoops. :o

Glenda, swing by to pick up myself and Squeekums, sounds like a fun trip and we're excellent passengers!!

As long as you both sign a waiver and wear your seatbelts.