Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

Well, thank you for your brilliant reading comprehension, OP, never acknowledging my point (made repeatedly) that even if you do have a car in the house you may be aware that not all car journeys are necessary, and that having an extra person able to get into the car and drive it may actually encourage more unnecessary car journeys.

In my case, most days dh doesn't take the car to work so it sits in the road where I would be able to get into it and save myself a walk to the shops or to work or just be able to get hold of something I fancied but didn't really need. There is a very good chance that I would be tempted to do so. Car journeys that now seem totally unnecessary to me would suddenly become necessary (oh, I couldn't possibly cope without a car).

I recognize that by that enabling that shift of attitude, out of laziness and convenience, I would have added a good deal of damage to the environment during my 30+ years as an adult. I have seen first hand how much close relatives have suffered from pollution-related illnesses, no doubt due to the irresponsible attitude of others. Now I am not tempted,so those extra car journeys just don't happen.

Doublemellow my stepson has an ehcps , has attended a specialist school for children diagnosed with moderate/severe autism and is STILL at school aged 19. (Specialist college). I can assure you that there is nothing mild about his condition. He received the High rate of mobility/mid rate care in DLA
(Now transferred to PIP) His enhanced PIP mobility allowed him to lease a car which includes insurance and tax. Motobility also provided 40hrs of tuition. All he had to pay for was his theory and practical tests.

Disability does not mean you are prevented from driving if you want to. It depends if you want to.

Disability does not mean you are prevented from driving if you want to. It depends if you want to

That’s naive. Some disabilities very much do prevent people from driving, however much they want to.

I am also very proud of my parents who were young during the first shift towards general car ownership, but who had the foresight (unusual enough in their generation) to say: "No, we can see that this would be nice, but we can also see it would have bad consequences. We can do without the luxury of constant convenience, of never having to walk in the rain, of always getting to the nicest shops or having outings exactly wherever we want them. We can do what our parents did: eat the food that is at hand, wear mackinstoshes and goloshes, and have outings to places where the bus goes".

I am also very proud of my parents who were young during the first shift towards general car ownership, but who had the foresight (unusual enough in their generation) to say: "No, we can see that this would be nice, but we can also see it would have bad consequences. We can do without the luxury of constant convenience, of never having to walk in the rain, of always getting to the nicest shops or having outings exactly wherever we want them. We can do what our parents did: eat the food that is at hand, wear mackinstoshes and goloshes, and have outings to places where the bus goes".

They sound a barrel of laughs

Took loads of lessons, hated every minute, failed test, couldn't face any more lessons. Yes my husband drives me shopping etc., but he enjoys driving and he is of the "can't cook won't cook" persuasion, whereas I enjoy cooking, so I do all the cooking. Give and take and all that.

They sound a barrel of laughs

They were. We had tremendous fun as a family. They never preached to us about it (and I'm, only preaching because of the OP's annoying insistence that you have a duty to drive a car if you own one). Iit was just how our lives were. They could make a walk to the nearest wood exciting, but they also took us interrailing in Europe and camping under blankets. They made us feel life itself was an adventure.

I have no health issues, there’s a car in the household and my DP can drive.

It’s not that I can’t be bothered. It’s that I don’t view driving places as necessary or desirable. We’re going out to see family today. If they were coming to us they would ALWAYS drive and wouldn’t dream of getting a train. DP could drive if he fancied but we’d rather get a train. It will take a bit longer but we can both sit and chat or mumsnet/check emails on the way there and back. We can both have a drink if we want.
DP uses the car very rarely, less than once per month on average, and I’ve only been in the car twice in the last year as I said upthread.
I have never got a lift from a neighbour. I find it odd that you are assuming every non-driver is being driven around places by someone else. Some people just aren’t dependent on cars. Whilst DP has one (for now at least), driving just doesn’t feature much in our life. The occasional Uber gets me anywhere that I can’t reach conveniently by public transport and my Ubers work out a hell of a lot cheaper per journey than the cost of DP running a car that gets driven a dozen times a year. That’s precisely why he’s unlikely to replace the car when the time comes.

cars make you fat, walking everywhere makes you lean

That's bullshit. I'm still fat

Not all people can pass quickly.

Not all people can teach someone to drive.
Not all people can be taught by a partner/parent.

Not everyone owns a family car which is suitable for learning to drive in - it would be impossible for dd to be insured on dh's car for example, and even if we did find a company who'd be willing it would be very very expensive. Or should the driver have to sell their car to buy one suitable for a learner regardless. My car and dh's cars are nigh also automatic - so no use for teaching dd who is learning to drive a manual.

Driving lessons are not cheap. Many people take several months to pass, some years. Lessons are at least £20+ an hour.

Not everyone passes the theory test first time - it's around £25 a time. For some low income families that is nearly their weeks food budget.

Certainly not everyone passes the practical first time - that's around £70-80 a time.

And insurance increased AFTER someone passes their test. The learner insurance can be low, but once passed it increases often by double if not more. For example a friend's ds has just passed. To change the insurance on her car for him it will be £50 for the remaining 6 weeks left before she's due to renew alone, and that's in a relatively low powered small car and with a black box being fitted.

It seems the op has the ache about a particular non driving friend who's always on the ponce for a lift here there and everywhere. I can see how that becomes annoying. I've only skimmed through the last few pages so apologies if this has been mentioned, but...

One thing I've noticed in all my years as a supposedly functioning adult who is simultaneously too fucking thick to acquire an 'essential life skill', is the number of drivers who throw a fit to hear about me walking/getting the bus. It's all "how are you getting there..? What?! Walking? Oh no can't dp take you? What about fil?" etc. I've been practically bullied into accepting a lift and I've had to assert my point that, actually, I'd prefer to make my own way thank you. A lot of drivers seem to think if a person doesn't drive then they're basically a prisoner in 'need' of a proper driving person to step in and rescue their poor inadequate non driving ass. But it's not always the case.

I resent being painted as a lazy piss taker when I rarely ask for help (unless I'm asking dp to help me with an appointment for one of the children he knowingly fathered.)

Well your issue is not that the neighbour is a non driver,your issue is that she is a CF . So just say no..in a rush,going opposite side, ask for petrol money, or whatever to get her off your back.

Just because your neighbour is a dick doesn't mean all non drivers are incapable,trapped,unfeminist CFers.

These threads really annoy me. Of course if you live rurally driving is probably essential, but most people in the UK live in towns and cities.

I'm sinlge, with a teenage son and have managed to get myself round the planet without aid of husband or car for the last 38 years since I left home. Even if I had a car, I would still walk to work, (no car parking) I can walk to the shops, into town, the cinema, theatre quicker than it would take me to drive the car, find a car park, then still have to walk to where I wanted to get to. My son cycles or gets the bus to school. In September when he go to college he will get the train.
At 15, with a disability, he is far more independent than his friends who get ferried around by car everywhere.
We get around the country quite cheaply with a railcard. Last year we travelled by train direct to north wales, stayed in a village on the rail line which gave us access to all the main resorts on the coast, we then travelled to Liverpool, ( one change of train) to visit family, then up to Edinburgh ( one change if train) then train direct back home. In total the train tickets cost £56 for the two of us. Could you have done that on £56 of petrol?
I use buses, I dont spend hours waiting at bus stops because I know the timetable. Sometimes I get a taxi.
I don't want the expense or hassle of a car, I'd rather spend the money on other things.
It suits me, you really don't need to be so angry about my life choices, because you know what, its my life choice, not yours

I wish I had learnt to drive when I was 17, but my parents nor I had the money so I didn’t. I had several very low paid jobs in my late teen/ early twenties so still couldn’t afford to do it.
We then had three kids very close together and dh’s income just allowed us to scrape through.
Having two kids with mobility issues, and lots of hospital appointments it would be very useful for me to be able to drive, but I now have the fear and just can’t do it. I try to keep an eye on the road when dh is driving, but sometimes I just wonder how the hell he can see certain things, esp at night!

And again ... Ted27 from the first post..

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

So you don't need a car. !

Beginning to thing that reading comprehension a far greater 'life skill' ... and that it is sorely missing for some posters.

Think

....nor do you have one... OR a driver in the household....

So post is not answering the question.

How are you judging whether someone needs a car? Lots of people who say they need a car probably don’t. My neighbours drive to do their shopping even though the supermarket is a couple of hundred yards away. Just because one member of a family owns a car and uses it doesn’t mean that they need it. Where I live very few people need a car but plenty have one anyway.

The short answers to your specific question are
they don't need to
they don't want to
there is a good medical reason
they can't afford to
they like walking
they have alternative options

You havent accepted any of the reasons given to you, people are therefore merely trying to explain that to you by giving you examples as have I, and explaining to other posters who insist driving is a life skills which everyone should be duty bound to do regardless of their personal situation.

Your problem seems to be your neighbour. If it irks you so much, just don't get involved, rather than keep digging at the many non drivers who are able to negotiate life very successfully without needing a care.

OP, I think you just need to be more assertive with your neighbour and say no, rather than have a go at mners who choose whatever reason not to drive.

Disability does not mean you are prevented from driving if you want to. It depends if you want to

You are generalising far too much there. There certainly are disabilities which preclude driving.

DH's cousin developed epilepsy as an adult which proved hard to control so his licence was revoked. He had teenage children at the time and his elderly mother often had to drive them around (their mother wasn't on the scene). Not ideal, obviously.

I have also known three people who developed Motor Neurone Disease and very quickly became unable to drive.

My own mother has now stopped driving because an operation to remove cataracts (although largely successful) has left her with a blind spot on one side and she was fearful that it could make her miss something, like a child. Technically she could drive and would be within the law, but that and other age related problems mean that she no longer will. I think it is for the best.

It’s too much money and there’s lot of public transport by me

OP have you considered that just maybe, there aren't many people who fulfil your criteria. Possibly most people who don't drive and rely on their partner have sound reasons for this.
I imagine that there are also some abusive domestic situations where a partner is not allowed to drive (who knows, your neighbour might be in one) and we all know, or should know) that shame can and does silence victims.
So, yeah, I think you are BU.

OP - why do you care so much about other people's travel practices?

How are you judging whether someone needs a car? Lots of people who say they need a car probably don’t.

Absolutely. There are far too many cars on the road and a huge amount of car journeys are not necessary. I've made loads of unnecessary car journeys in my time. I made a conscious effort to change my habits, not only because I never enjoyed driving, but because I think a lifestyle without driving or with minimal driving is healthier and better in many ways. The convenience of driving is very seductive - even when it's a false convenience because of parking issues, traffic etc. People get used to driving and overestimate how difficult it would be for them to get around in other ways.

There is more freedom in NOT being reliant on a car (or any one mode of transport, tbh). I love getting around under my own steam. It feels extremely freeing to me, effortlessly incorporates exercise into my everyday activities, and I feel more connected to my environment. Of course journeys sometimes take longer (not always, though!) but the benefits to my health (mental and physical) are enormous. OP and others on this thread seem to think that being car-free or car-light is a choice to deliberately limit yourself because you're too pathetic to drive like everyone else, when in fact it's a really positive lifestyle choice for those who are able to make it. I feel sorry for people who spend half their lives behind the wheel of a car, but I'm sure they don't share my outlook. We are all different.