Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

Well i didn'y learn till i was 30 as i was concerned about climate change and even then i only did it as i absolutely had to. Yabu.

Didn't...

The other thing is that if you become dependent on a car it will make life very difficult if your licence isn't renewed. My parents at 87 are far fitter and have less joint trouble than other elderly people around her: the generation who first became dependent on driving everywhere. Growing old hasn't made any difference to their daily routine: they take longer to walk to the shops with their trolley but there is nothing to stop them.

My FIL otoh found it a terrible wrench to give up his car and in fact went on putting other people at risk long after it was evident that he was a dangerous driver. He had never learnt to get on without a car or to make plans for the day when he wouldn't be able to use it.

I think it's still common for boys to be seen as more interested in cars and vehicles generally. There is a level of sexism still around about women drivers too. These things can't be making it any easier for women.
And statements like 'Honestly, I think men are better and more confident drivers on average' won't be helping either.

Would you like my small child whilst I attend lessons?

And yes, OP, I am aware that you said in your first post "Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family". My mother's point when she first thought this over in the 50s, and my own point now, is that "need" is not an absolute. Once you get used to getting a "want" supplied with little effort it becomes a "need".

Most of the people I knew when dc were little lived in the same part of town as us, had the same shopping facilities, lived no further from the schools, and did not, for the most part, work further away from their homes (several at the time didn't work at all). The same buses that dc and I travelled on would not have refused to stop for them. Yet they were adamant that they couldn't possibly function without a car, that they needed it.

My db used to tell me that his family would simply collapse without a car. Then he crashed the car and couldn't afford to replace it for quite a while. The family survived, nobody lost their job or went short of food, life just became a little less convenient.

Of course there are people who genuinely need it. But not quite as many people who think they need it.

Because I'm scared. the thought of been in control of a car petrifies me. I've learnt and learnt taken my test twice and failed as I fall to pieces and j just cannot bear it. I would rather not put myself through it. It's slightly judgy of you to write everyone off, lots of people have valid reasons for not driving

'and you don't have a medical condition that prohibits it.

FGS really ? Are the reading comprehension abilities of MN really so poor ? I must have posted this at least 4 times'

The problem here is that not every medical condition is obvious; and those who judge others for not driving, are not usually going to pick up on subtle or invisible disabilities.

Driving is freedom, I bloody love it and people who say they don't have any need because they live in London where there is public transport, it is still useful to drive. I live in Zone 2 and have a bus stop a minute from the house and two tube stops ten minutes away yet driving is still handy. A task that might take 30 minutes can take five.

Why on earth would you think any of those things? We have a car and DP drives, as did my ex husband. I was simply stating the reasons why I haven't learnt to drive, as you asked.

Driving is freedom, I bloody love it and people who say they don't have any need because they live in London where there is public transport, it is still useful to drive.

Is climate change freedom? Is higher mortality rates caused by pollution freedom? Medical profession reckons 25% of child asthma is caused by traffic pollution. Is using an inhaler liberating?

My ds had asthma as a child. Didn't look very liberating to me.

I don’t like driving really. I get anxious and always let someone else drive rather than me IF they really don’t mind doing so. . But I’d no choice really. My disabled son had so many appointments when he was growing up that it was unfeasible to struggle with wheelchair access on public transport everywhere and/or just expect my then DH to do all the driving, everywhere, every time.

I guess I’d choose not to drive if that was an option. But it wasn’t and isn’t. And I actually hated being without a car for 3 months a couple of years ago so I can’t hate it that much. Confidence is learned and anxiety can be managed. I’d feel selfish to let my issues force others to always have to take the wheel.

I can see where the OP is coming from. Driving is a life skill that I feel you owe it to yourself and others to acquire if you can . People are very defensive about justifying their lack of driving license probably because many (not all) of them know that if they really pushed themselves to overcome their reservations, then they could.

It also much better for your self esteem not to be that person that always needs a lift or has to get the train or bus or in situations where shared driving or turn-taking is the fairest option are automatically ruled out because, for no good reason (and I stress, I’m talking about in the case of where there is literally No Good Reason), they don’t drive.

And this is from someone who would really prefer not to do it if I didn’t have to... so. I’m NOT speaking from a position of supreme confidence and lack of empathy about people’s driving issues.

This was me until mid 30s. Grew up in London, no need to drive and very very expensive to insure under 25s. Got a car with DP in late 20s but mainly used it to visit DPs rural parents so fair enough that he drove that journey IMO.
Eventually learnt once DC were post baby and it became useful. But still manage happily without a car 99% of the time.

I would not love rurally without a licence. However, in the MN posts you’re talking about OP, the rural non driver has moved to a rural location to suit her DP so he can hardly complain that he has to do all the driving.

This is probably outing but I only learned in my late 30s when pregnant with my first. I fucking hate driving, I have developed a very real phobia about it and luckily have a really supportive husband.

We have a car.
OH drives.
I don't and don't want to either.
I go to work,I can do the school runs, I can go shopping, meet with friends, take DD places ,into London etc. all without him.
We can't afford a second car so I'd only have it at the weekend anyways, if I actually needed it.
He sometimes works away (including other countries) so I don't see him or the car for weeks, even a month.
If he drives us somewhere it's because he's going too i.e. family outing or holidays.

Why should I drive/learn to drive ? Because you say so?

Posted too soon, it is so horrible being judged for not driving, especially when I see how it doesn't affect so many people.

Driving is a life skill that I feel you owe it to yourself and others to acquire if you can

But the reason you describe for needing it is very specific to you: most people won't have a disabled teenager with multiple hospital appointments. So why do other people, who might actually be perfectly fine, owe this to themselves?

My brother, an academic who has lived in several different countries, has never learnt to drive. He has travelled all over the world, lived both in big towns and very small ones, never depended on other people for transport, is absolutely fine. So why would he owe this to himself? What exactly is he missing?

It's an absolutely stupid empty headed question,as in, why don't you drive.You should surely know that there are many reasons why people don't drive,even before you have read all the reasons on here.

I myself drive,have been driving since the 1970's era. But don't much enjoy it these days,as too many people drive like complete idiots now.

I tend to look at it the other way round. Unless you live in an isolated location, I think you owe it to yourself to develop life skills that will enable you to get on with the car- because chances are, one day your licence won't be renewed.

without the car, obviously

Trying to encourage ds1 partner to learn to drive

Its basically come down to cost

Why don’t you mind your own business and worry about yourself. Other people not driving has no effect on your life!

I have only one friend that doesn’t drive. I think buses are really expensive now but understand that’s it’s expensive to learn. Personally I’ve always driven, since I was 17 and one month and I’m not sure I’d cope if I dudnt.

I was on a load of meds about 9 months ago I couldn’t drive on, it’s expensive, we don’t have the space for a second car, we’re not far from good bus routes, etc

There are lots of medical conditions that mean people aren’t allowed to drive.