Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

Some people have no idea what it’s like to be poor.

My mum doesn’t drive and can never have afforded lessons. Not everyone has someone willing to teach them and proper lessons, tests, theory tests etc cost ALOT of money.
When you can barely pay for your home or feed yourself, driving lessons are a luxury you do without.

I tried to learn but I just can't process everything around me quick enough. I tried to pass theory several times and the multiple choice I pass every time with maybe 1 or 2 mistakes. As for the hazard perception part, I simply can't do it. And my few driving lessons prove that I don't react quick enough. I have sensory processing disorder and autism though. Not all autistic people would be unable to learn (in fact, you don't have to report it to DVLA unless it affects your driving) but some of us find it impossible. It bugs me because it stops me from getting a job I really really want (sadly there's no exception, you need a licence) and it's not lack of overall ability (I have a degree) but it is what it is. Not much I can do.

Both me and the hubby can't due to health stuff but living in a city we really didn't need to have a car. In fact having a car would have been crazy hard and expensive with the whole parking issue.

Really we need to encourage more people to use public transport rather than drive not more drivers. We need more buses and better trains with less cars. Let's make trains cheaper and better - that will help.

It is possible. Only time we needed a car was coming back from hospital but these days you can find a way without.

Not enough of us get enough steps that we should. I walk everywhere and even I don't get my daily 10,000 steps hardly ever! I don't even get half that most of the time.

I am with you OP. Being a driver it 'drives' me mad when that my MIL cant go anywhere because she doesn't drive, certainly friends cant drive which means I always have to go to them or pick them up. As soon as I turned 17 I wanted to learn because I didnt want to rely on anyone else. Fair enough my lessons were 22 for an hour I'm guessing its alot more 10 years on...but a family member or friend of certain age can help teach?! My aunt passed her test at 60! Just shows you're never too old

I have lived in London and understand that one can get by with out a car, but I wouldn,t be ablt to get my children to before school club and then to work with out a car. (I suppose I could use a taxi but that would be expensive and I don,t want to relly on that.)

YABU for one main reason: choice.

I don't drive because I hate it and I'm really bad at it. I've had many lessons and hated EVERY second of it.

Why should I make my own life a misery to "relieve the burden" on my DH? Why are his wants/feelings more important than my own? I've sacrificed quite enough already to put my family 1st, is there a particular reason why I have to totally flaggelate myself into the bargain?

And actually, I can't afford the lessons, tests and running of a car anyway.

He chose to drive and I chose not to, he knew that when he married me and it's never been an issue. He saw what I went through to try and learn and he's made it clear he doesn't mind me not driving so you can put your "should" where sun doesn't shine.

P.s
There are too many cars on the road anyway and it's bad for the environment.

I'm with you too OP. I've seen this a lot on threads. Woman posts she's fed up, life is drudgery, small kids, DH not helping... Posters start giving helpful ideas of baby groups, part time work etc.. inevitably she posts 'I live rurally and don't drive'. Surely ALL these people don't have medical conditions preventing driving?!
I think all teenagers should learn, like everyone at my school did, if they medically could.

I was taught by a family member (my Dad) as I said in my previous post. It was utter hell and the tensions it caused almost destroyed our relationship, which took a long time to recover.

For that reason, I cannot recommend family members teaching the children to drive. It is coloured by my personal experience of it, and that is why I will never teach any of my children to drive. They have to have lessons with a proper instructor. It is extremely expensive. No, we can't easily afford it, but I won't even entertain the idea of doing it any other way.

They pay towards it with wages from their part time jobs.

You taught a 17 year old to drive in 4 months for a cost of £80? I have to say that is absolutely exceptional , ime it takes a lot longer and costs a lot more!
My DC and their friends took around a year to pass , allowing for lessons almost every week and a couple of test fails before passing. Insurance for a learner is a lot cheaper than for someone who has just passed , particularly if they are young and then there's buying a car and running costs so some people simply can't afford to do it .
For others they may live centrally with really good transport links so it seems unnecessary.

Or maybe they are concerned about environmental impacts and prefer public transport. However I love the freedom and independence driving gives you so think you should learn if you can .

I didn't learn until last year (24) for a number of reasons. Mostly ptsd following a car accident but also I was rubbish at the multitasking of trying to change gears and panicked very easily, lacked focus and attention, then I had a baby at 19 and went to uni and couldn't afford it. It took counselling, diagnosis and medication for ADHD and a lot of psyching myself up to do it, then I had to save up for the test. I'm glad I waited as rather than spend loads on lessons and tests my mum taught me and I passed first time and now feel like a confident safe driver (plus my insurance went up a teeny tiny amount rather than a huge whack).

Learning to drive is one of the best things I ever did but I totally understand why people put it off.

I think all teenagers should learn, like everyone at my school did, if they medically could.

Don't you think that would lead to more people actually driving, starting to drive younger, never developing skills that help you avoiding driving unless absolutely necessary? Can the planet afford that?

My parents didn't drive, despite having a young family in a small market town. My mother now (who was already concerned about the environment in the late 50s) now says she is very glad they didn't start driving as she would have been tempted to do unnecessary driving. As children we just accepted that there were things we couldn't do and that we would have to find things that could be done locally. Let's put it this way: it was less of a hardship than seeing your home burn down.

Dh didn't get a licence until he was in his 40s, and then only for work: we didn't get a car until our youngest was around 6 (and then for reasons of disability). The children just accepted that there were things they couldn't do, just like there were plenty of things their mates couldn't do because they didn't have the money. Nobody can have everything they would want.

My ds will probably get his licence when he's 20 because it looks like he might need it for the career he now has in mind. But that's still 2 years when he walked everywhere because he didn't have access to a car. Every little helps.

I'm with you OP. If for any reason then DP can't drive, the other DP should really be able to. I don't think I'd be happy with my DH not being able to drive and vice versa. And when these threads pop up, why is it mainly the DH that can drive and not the DW.

Honestly, I think men are better and more confident drivers on average but there are probably stats that dispute this.

thank you coffeforone beginning to think I was in a different universe.

However the male being the better driver isn't bourne out in insurance claims as males are FAR more likely to be inviting an accident.

Honestly, I think men are better and more confident drivers on average but there are probably stats that dispute this.

Better and confident not necessarily the same thing. Stats show that men are in far more car accidents and have far more convictions for dangerous driving but that a higher proportion of men than women count themselves as good drivers. I suspect the no of accidents/convictions might be to do with the fact that the women who'd make rotten drivers are more likely to be aware of the fact and stay off the roads. Is that really something we want to change?

About half the men in my family don't drive: out of the rest, one brother and my dh both started late, for work reasons, though db now unable to drive due to poor health.

I had to sacrifice my licence for medical reasons. I live in an area where a car is it a necessity, but life is MUCH easier (and many more opportunities) if you have one. I grew up in an area where you could go nowhere wi

Considering the number of threads on here about inconsiderate/inadequate parking and out current climate concerns, I wish there was more thought given to 'let's make public transport better' than 'you should learn to drive'.

Personally I have very good reasons to believe I would be a poor driver: I sold my bike after I had come very close to causing several accidents. Now if I were a man, it is very likely I would insist that I was still a good driver and it was everybody else's fault. So- who would like to meet me on the road?

as I said... IF you have a car AND you have a driver in the household ...

That's great for you OP but not everyone has that experience

... and you don't have a medical condition that prohibits it.

FGS really ? Are the reading comprehension abilities of MN really so poor ? I must have posted this at least 4 times

as I said... IF you have a car AND you have a driver in the household...

But why? Dh who is the driver in our household only drives because he has to go out on site occasionally for work. Before he got his new responsibilities, he did everything to avoid driving. He still doesn't drive if he can help it and will no doubt give it up when he retires. So why would it help him if I knew how to drive: I can't take his place at work anyway? And our 19yo son never asks for lifts because that just isn't part of his expectations. He has strong young legs, dh and I have a shopping trolley.

When I was 17 I wanted to go on holiday with my friends and I was given the choice between money for driving lessons or Ibiza with my friends. I chose the latter. Fast forward to uni years and apart from being broke, I lived in central London, so insurance, parking etc was very expensive and there was really no need for a car. I finally left there when I was pregnant with DD, spirit up with her dad after he basically revealed himself as a complete narcissist when I was pregnant and fucked with my head until I finally got the strength to end the relationship. Then I was a skint single parent with no help whatsoever to bring up my daughter, as all my family lived in different parts of the country, so no one to look after her while I took lessons and no spare money to pay for them. That's it in a nutshell as to why I never learnt to drive. Now I'm living in Spain and hope to learn eventually, but need to improve my Spanish in order have any hope of passing the test!!

Corythatwas
That was exactly the logical answer I was looking for.

My post was a question . Which you have answered.

It is precisely because none of us has a medical condition that prohibits walking a few miles that we don't need a car for everyday purposes. I was brought up to think, and dh has since come to think that it is wrong to use a car just to save yourself half an hour of exercise, if there is no pressing reason that forces you. The furthest anybody walks on a regular basis is probably ds, who sometimes takes an hour to get home. But he is 19, young and fit, lads his age pay good money to get that sort of exercise.

So expatinspain you neither have ;
A car
A driver in the household
Or a health condition that prohibits driving. ....

So not remotely relevant to the question .

... and then you screw it all up because you ;
Don't have a car in the household.

So not actually relevant to the question .