Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

We have a car in the family. We even have more than enough cash in the bank to go and buy a 1 or 2 year old second car with plenty left over for a rainy day.
The DVLA, my psychiatrist, GP and the psychologist I saw for 18 months for psychotherapy are all perfectly happy with the idea of my driving.
My lovely mostly patient husband can drive. In fact he's already teaching our almost 5 year old on private roads the basics just like his father taught him and intends doing the same with dd when she turns 2 later this year.

I even have a driving license and have driven in such "interesting" places as Mexico city and the backroads of Canada when it was more like boating on gravel. I passed my test when I was 17. My dad bought me a car as soon as I passed.

I think I've driven 20 miles since my son was born nearly 5 years ago. In theory I know exactly what I'm doing, it would make my life easier...I walk on average 5 miles a day getting dc1 to preschool/dc2 to activities. I've never had an accident. I am according to my husband an excellent driver but I've reached the stage where even the thought of getting behind the wheel makes me sick to my stomach. Where I'd rather walk 5 miles in the pouring rain than drive. I don't lack confidence in any other area of my life. I chair committee meetings, I can give speeches in public, I travel but I'm absolutely terrified of driving.

I live semi-rurally. The guy I’m sleeping with doesn’t drive.

Given it (a) doesn’t affect anything we do and (b) he’s a very capable adult I’m not sure what there’s to relate to!

@JacquesHammer

It's refreshing to hear someone who doesn't perceive all masculinity through the lens of driving.

I SPECIFICALLY asked why people don't drive if they have a driver in the house, a car in the family and no DVLA related health issue that prohibits driving

And some people, like myself, specifically told you it's because we can't afford it.

Jeez.

Having a car doesn't change the cost of lessons. There's no way DP would want to teach me and I wouldn't trust myself to not crash his car.

I'm perfectly calm .. Yaskween , just frustrated that people can't read a post. ...

If a poster asks ' why don't you drive if your family have a car, a driver and no health problems. Would you not be frustrated with posters telling you why they don't drive because of health issues, lack of car and no driver in the household?

I don't live in London, I do have a car, my husband drives, I don't.

I can drive, I have not for 30 years. I felt every time I got behind the wheel of the car that I was going to kill someone. I figured that feeling that stressed and being that poor at driving was probably a good enough reason not to do it.

It has the added advantage that now MIL has stopped driving I am not one of "the pool of drivers" she can call on. Though she keeps asking if I am ever going to take up driving again. I will not.

(my husband has not asked me to as he has experienced the full stressed up and crap at it me...)

I've been seizure free for the time required to get your licence back and I still don't drive. I'd never forgive myself if something happened as well as having a 2 year old. Hopefully it won't be the case forever but even though I'm deemed ok to drive it will take a while to let my guard down

I think it can only be affordable (certainly would be for us) if someone can take you out between lessons. There is no way I could afford to learn with just a lesson a week or whatever. We also couldn't afford to run a cat anyway. After moving out of London we're feeling the impact - even in a city with decent public transport it's definitely more set up for drivers. We'll have to learn when we've got more ready cash tho!

passed test first time, early 20s. got a cheap little car and was main driver. car was driven into (parked, empty) in the middle of the night by the driver of a stolen car. written off and insurance didn't even cover getting it towed :(

after a long period without a car we got a camper van, was main driver. always found driving incredibly stressful and tiring and assumed it was the same for everyone, or that it would wear off with practice but it never did.

the fact i was never a confident or competent driver was driven home (lol) by a serious crash in which my lack of control was the fault. lucky that everyone involved walked away but van was totalled.

i tried getting back to driving after the crash but had no confidence in my ability to "feel" the car around me, or to react appropriately/in time.

i've since learned that ASD might contribute to why i found something so difficult, when for others it appears to become natural and easy.

If a poster asks ' why don't you drive if your family have a car, a driver and no health problems. Would you not be frustrated with posters telling you why they don't drive because of health issues, lack of car and no driver in the household?

You really don't sound calm on this thread, you sound strangely angry about something that has no effect on you. In fact, the only way it does affect you is less pollution and less congestion really.

Read back over the thread, plenty of people have given other explanations as to why they don't drive - you just don't find them acceptable. Which is very odd as, like I said previously, it has nothing to do with you.

The person displaying the biggest lack of reading comprehension is you.

Just like shouting undermines your argument in person, using capital letters to repeat the same point over and over doesn't do much for your cause on here. You're a bit exhausting but I can't be bothered to get worked up about you.

As I said, calm down.

we should all learn to drive incase our husbands die

My 80 year old mother would say yes. She is often running her friends to hospital appointments etc. But they don't take her because they either don't drive at all or won't drive more than 2 miles at a time. It could be a generational thing, but I am guessing a lot of the anxious female non-drivers or very occasional drivers on this thread are only in their 30s or 40s.

I don't like motorway driving. But I have had to get off my bottom to do it on occasion because my son needs taking to places. It would not be fair to deny him access to events he wants to attend because I am a wimp. I take A roads when possible but sometimes it just takes far too long. And as I mentioned in a previous post, public transport starts too late on a Sunday to get to a lot of places on time. So I've had to get over myself.

You had a big bee in your bonnet early on in the thread about having family members teaching other family members to drive.

This isn't always a wonderful idea. It causes tension and arguments. My Dad taught me to drive and by the end of the process our relationship was very near to breaking point. He shouted, was very tense and wound up and expected perfection almost from the word go. I saved all the pocket money and everything else I could in order to afford some lessons because my driving instructor was a great confidence builder. My Dad, despite his good intentions, was not and through the tension of us being in the car together (him shouting most of the time) he tended to destroy it. He made me go out and drive with him every day once I had turned 17 and I dreaded every day. I would often cry myself to sleep over it at night.

Before anyone suggests it, he wasn't an abusive parent, but teaching me to drive thrust both of us into a situation we were unable to cope with. He was also a pschool headmaster and would have been way too stubborn to admit that he wasn't the most suitable teacher for his own daughter. I was an under confident teenage girl and at that point in life unable to stand up to him. If I hadn't passed my test first time though I think I would have given up because I couldn't face any more misery.

My three DDs have to learn to drive with a proper instructor, which they are helping to fund with part time jobs. Even then, it is just sooo expensive. I really can understand people who just cannot afford to learn.

I will not teach any of my children to drive. My own experience of learning with a parent tells me that I would rather we continued to get on well and have a good relationship.

DD1 (25) can drive, though lives in central London so doesn't at the moment. DD3 (17) is learning and has her test in a few weeks. DD2 (21) is scared of learning so hasn't started. I won't force it. She will probably move out and live near to wherever she ends up working once she has finished college.

Don't judge people. Circumstances vary enormously.

If a poster asks ' why don't you drive if your family have a car, a driver and no health problems. Would you not be frustrated with posters telling you why they don't drive because of health issues, lack of car and no driver in the household?

Oh and also "because I don't want to" is a perfectly reasonable answer to that question. It's just not one you like.

I can't drive because of epilepsy and I get around just fine. Funnily enough people who could drive don't want to are also perfectly capable of getting around. If you couldn't cope without a car then that's fine, it's an individual choice that I respect. It's basic decency to respect other people's decisions, I would highly recommend it.

My partner drives I don't, honestly I've never been interested and never really had a need too.
The times where it would be handy if I could drive are redundant because we can only afford to run one car. My partner works two jobs so needs the car as one of them is a driving job, that's much more important, where I live every thing is right here and if I want to go to the city then I get a bus nice and easy 👍

I am in my fifties by the way. I've never particularly liked driving but I am confident enough locally and drive almost daily.

I just don't take naturally to driving although I am a safe driver on my usual patch.

because I am a wimp and So I've had to get over myself

wow - why do you talk about yourself like that?

you wouldnt call someone else a wimp for not wanting to do something potentially life threatening would you? so why do you talk about yourself like that?

@Fivetillmidnight

Do you ever get frustrated at traffic on the roads?

Maybe because they just don’t want to, and that actually is OK

I drive. 9 times out of 10 when I have to go see clients I use public transport.

Why waste time on the road when someone else can drive me and I can use the time to work. It’s also far better for the environment to use the car as little as I can.

Elderly rural people who rely on driving themselves around with no back up plan for if or when they can't are in a very vulnerable position. Seen it happen a number of times where they loose the ability to drive, and are reliant on carers who might only come once a day.

Because I hate driving, am crap at it and have no need to do it.

Hope that's an acceptable reason for you, OP 🤷‍♀️

I actually do not care if people are scared to drive (even though I dont understand the fear myself). I think the people that annoy me more are the "oh i dont need a car in London. Why would I want the expense of a car"...yet are keen for look to me for a lift on way home from a dinner out because its cold, late or raining.....CFery!

MN Drivers: everyone should drive! If you don't, you're a burden on all those who have managed this Life Skill(tm)

Also MN Drivers: why is there so much traffic on the roads? The congestion is unbelievable!

we should all learn to drive incase our husbands die

Ha ha ha!