Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

I didn't return to this thread because of the lack of reading comprehension is exasperating . !
I SPECIFICALLY asked why people don't drive if they have a driver in the house, a car in the family and no DVLA related health issue that prohibits driving.. yet the majority of responses are from people explaining that they

1. Don't have a car
2. Have health issues.
3. Don't have a driver in the household.

All of which are perfectly sound reasons not to learn OR have the opportunity to learn because formal lessons and buying a car are prohibitively expensive.

My question was ... IF this is NOT the case. What are your reasons. ?

formerbabe how would you feel if someone said you were a damsel in distress, reliant on your husband, a burden, even - simply because you don't work and he supports you...?

fivetillmidnight

because its unnecessary and they dont want to?

what kind of answer are you looking for here?

Yes but in the past I have had a job...I will in the future have a job. I believe I am perfectly capable of having a job.

former and all these people are perfectly capable of driving a car (with lessons ofc), just because they dont want to its ok to call them names?

Is it not worse that you CAN do something and choose not to? doesnt that make you more of a burden?

(i dont actually think that, or care about your work situation BTW, but i hope it makes you think)

I don't think that at all. I can drive and do so if I consider it necessary. I don't believe myself to be a dangerous driver but about average - there is always the potential for human error, though, and I wouldn't trust anyone who said they were absolutely certain they could never cause a road traffic accident. I certainly don't think men are better drivers and I don't doubt myself any more than I doubt everyone else, men and women. If everyone treated driving as a very serious and potentially lethal activity we'd have safer roads, but the fact is that most drivers are completely blase about it. Tired driving is also as dangerous as drunk driving and nobody gives a shit.

I consider minimising your driving to be highly commendable and I really admire people who don't drive at all or opt to live as a one-car household instead of two. Personally I am always looking for ways to reduce my driving still further. There are very often other, safer and healthier ways to get around (not the case for everyone of course).

I will never understand why anyone sees driving as a virtue.

Anyway I might not have a job at the moment but at least I can manage to negotiate the treacherous terrain of suburban London and make it to the supermarket independently.

I don't have a job, can't drive and have been doing the family shop independently for the past 20 years.

Have autism and anxiety, dvla do not prevent driving with that but it's safer for me and other road users if I don't, have tried driving lessons and I just found it very stressful, before I met dh used to bike or taxi.

formerbabe I believe I am perfectly capable of driving, I just don't want to learn. I don't have a husband either.

You might trust yourself but I don’t trust myself. Anyone who knows me knows I would be a danger.
Some days I do think of twisted things to do to people. With a car this would become a higher probability of harming someone.
I do whatever I can to not harm someone else or myself.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

Yes, YABU. You have no idea what people's situations/priorities are.

I SPECIFICALLY asked why people don't drive if they have a driver in the house, a car in the family and no DVLA related health issue that prohibits driving

That's me. I dont want to, I don't need to and I'm not reliant on anyone else.

@Fivetillmidnight

Firstly, when you ask "what are your reasons.."...

...who on earth are you to ask anyone in such a strident way, and insult people for not reading your attempt at an online census?

Secondly, why are you so adamant that if someone is in your house who drives, and you are in good health, that you must automatically make the same choices as your partner, and drive?

It's rank absurdity. Clearly something in your life experience has rankled with you enough to feel the need to pass commentary on the life choices of thousands of women (and yes I say women, because you did) on here.

But finally and most importantly, maybe some people have mental blocks or other concerns around the subject which means they refuse to do something which could place other road users in danger.

I don't think everyone should drive. I don't think everyone who is around a driver, should then subject themselves to entire weekends sitting and learning, just because someone in the family made life choices years ago and managed to get on the road.

When people get together, they make concessions and combine skills. My wife rarely cooks, but I don't think she suddenly should "share the burden" just because we have cookbooks in the house! She does hundreds of things which I couldn't do as well, so there we are.

Your post is strangely bitter and accusative. YABVU.

Even when people do have a car in the household it's often not a car that a learner of someone who has just passed their test could drive. In my case it was a company car, if it happened now it would be a far too powerful car.
When my Ds starts to learn soon he will have to just pay for lessons, unless we buy a cheap car he can drive. Even though we are a two car family. Yet more costs.

Also @Fivetillmidnight and others who commented on the "unattractiveness" of those who don't drive:

I met my DW around a decade ago. I worked in London in the City. I didn't drive or have a licence. There are lots of us who are like this, and we don't struggle to meet people.

She did drive, but didn't seem to see that as a problem; perhaps I had other qualities she sought.

The point is, it's such a narrow minded and myopic view of the world to go "oh, I'd find it hugely unattractive if my DP didn't drive."

I've spent my life around a major city where car usage isn't needed. Yes I drive now, but that was my choice, largely driven (excuse the pun) by wanting to own and experience silly exotica before we all start driving milkfloats.

My point is, this whole "men are really unattractive who don't drive" is risible. Perhaps to you they are, but try and move your mind somewhere outside of a retail park etc, there are plenty of us who don't park up in something when we're off on a date etc.

@Fivetillmidnight

Maybe to show us how to correctly respond to a thread you can answer a question for us.

For example, can you explain why you're being such a patronising and bitter poster?

I'm not sure you realise quite how badly you're coming across.

Maybe as you are so very capable and independent you could drive yourself somewhere to have a little calm down?

GinDaddy. If you could point to any post where I have said that not driving is 'unattractive' I would be grateful.

Once again.. if you have NO NEED to drive because you live in London then this post was never going to be relevant !

It was about those people who USE a car. Have a NEED for a car , yet only ONE person if the couple drive .

@YaassKween

Couldn't agree more. I fear this OP feels

• It's selfish for one person to drive in a family. Which is very kind of them to care so much, but surely those people in the relationship have made a decision as to who does what, and are ok with that?!

• That women are deliberately "shying away" from something that they need to step up and do somehow. Irrespective of whether they want to do it, or need to, or family budgets and costs...

It's so ridiculous and patronising as to be unreal.

@Fivetillmidnight

I didn't say you said it. But plenty of others on this thread have.

Secondly, I used to live in London. I now drive a car. I learned while with a partner who owned a car. So I AM relevant to the thread, and don't tell me otherwise.

Thirdly, who are you to judge people's NEED for a car? How could you possibly know?

It was about those people who USE a car. Have a NEED for a car , yet only ONE person if the couple drive

But what makes YOU more qualified to say they’re WRONG than the two people in the COUPLE in question.

I don't live in London

I once dated a guy who didn't drive

I actually found it pretty annoying in the end. Couldn't relate at all.

Well you didn't just ask why people didn't drive, did you? You asked if you were BU to think that these people SHOULD drive. Which yes, you are really. I'm not even one of them and I think that.

@MarthasGinYard

What did you need to "relate" to out of interest?