Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

I could maybe afford the lessons but then paying for the car, fuel, tax and insurance would cost me far more than public transport to work. Then if it needed repairs I'd struggle to afford that. Being able to pull together enough for lessons is only the start of it.

i cant exactly help that i have anxiety, i had really bad anxiety years ago to the point where i struggled to leave the house, It now only (thankfully!) manifests itself with driving. My anxiety stems around the fact that i cant control other peoples actions and behaviour, so its no surprise that driving doesnt come easily to me.

Same with me unfortunately.

I chose to live somewhere with good public transport so I don't need to put myself in the position of needing to drive either. DH has driven since he was 17 - he owns a car but we still use public transport or walk more often than not.

Some employers can be a bit odd about driving. Have seen roles advertised with “driving license essential” when I know they only included minimal travel, and that between big cities with good public transport links. But I don’t think it significantly holds you back in most professional careers if you can’t/don’t drive.

“ While the percentage of male driving license holders has always been greater than that of female driving license holders, the gap between the two decreased significantly from 40 percent to 11 percent between 1975/76 and 2018”

So we’re decreasing the gap. It takes time to change things but it happens, just a little at a time.

I don't understand the can't afford to learn argument. Are driving lessons more expensive for women? How come at some point in their life all these husbands managed to afford to learn to drive but the women didn't?

errrrm because for generations its been totally A OK to pay women less than men? have you ever considered that?

Similarly, my career has involved driving too. I could have still done well in my career being a non driver, but I climbed much higher on my career ladder with being able to drive. Not driving will definitely hold you back in most professional careers, and I don't believe anyone who claims it hasn't held them back

Absolute complete and utter garbage.

You obviously look down your nose at people who CHOOSE not to drive.

Maybe in some careers that you need to drive in , then obviously you get on..but there are many wonderful careers where it is not necessary.

It's obvious that you are money and status orientated, so I can see why you hold a driving licence and a piece of shiny metal in such high regard.

Because I can't afford to learn and I can't afford a car or the costs of running or maintaining one. Also from what I've seen of idiot drivers on the roads I'd be too scared to drive even if I passed my test and could afford a car. Also I live in a city and I can get the bus to most places I want to go. DH drives so if I really need to go anywhere I can get a lift.

It's unbearable to hear other women say they think driving is too dangerous or too much responsibility for them that they can't possibly get behind the wheel...and believe men are much more competent at it. Yuk

I am finding being referred toas a damsel in distress fucking annoying. I have earned my own living, I am not anxious about anything else, I do not over rely on my husband, in fact he has become disabled and I am taking on more of acaring role for him. I just don't like driving. I know I am not a good judge of speed and distance, I see how many nasty RTAs there are. I don't particularly enjoy being driven either. It is not a feminist issue, no one is stopping me driving if I want to. It is people like the OP who are undermining my autonomy and trying to tell me what they think I should be doing.

That's true...thank heavens we have big strong men to take on such a task...phew

I don't know where you got that from. I don't see driving as a good thing that somebody has to do, and it had better be men because it's so important. I think you're misinterpreting the word responsibility there.

I see it as an occasionally necessary evil because of the way we've designed our environment and infrastructure. Fwiw, I think it's probably mostly men who don't take the responsibility seriously but hardly anyone seems to see it as a big deal to be in charge of something that could easily kill another person. I do.

I understand anxiety but whilst some posters may proclaim to know men with anxiety around driving, this issue does seem to disproportionately affect women.

I'm sure I've read that women's confidence tends to decrease with age whereas men's increases.
If that is true and you can't or don't learn to drive in your teens and delay it until adulthood as a woman your more likely to have less confidence. A man delaying learning until adult years would be more confident.

I can't fathom why people wouldn't want to learn.
For me it's because I've struggled to see what it would add to my life that's worth the massive cost of learning, buying, insuring and maintaining a car.
That's not because I rely on anyone driving me around either, I can go weeks without setting foot in a car even DH's.
My only real reason for thinking of learning to drive now is as parents are getting older (although still far from old) and my sibling lives far away so I can see that in the future I'll be the one required to drive them about. Not a reason that will benefit me really.

We've spent over £7000 in the past two years on DD learning to drive and she still hasn't passed her test. I certainly haven't spent that much on buses trains and taxis in the last ten years.

Just as a matter of interest Formerbabe aren’t you a SAHM supported by your husband?

I don't have a partner so it's not an issue at all (there's no car in this "household").

But lots of reasons. I was never particularly good at it (passed my test on the 3rd attempt and honestly always lacked confidence and didn't enjoy driving at all), and I also don't trust other drivers much based on what I observe every day in the local area... I feel much more relaxed taking a train/tube/bus or on the rare occasions that's not convenient, paying for a cab.

Insurance is very expensive round here (SE London). Buying a car would be fine but keeping it would make a significant impact to my monthly outgoings.

Plus I actually think people should drive less in general to reduce air pollution and, I'm happy I'm not contributing to that at all.

formerbabe

its unbearable to be called a damsel in distress and talked at patronisingly for making a perfectly valid choice not to drive. Yuk, indeed.

hardly anyone seems to see it as a big deal to be in charge of something that could easily kill another person. I do

I do too and think of it every time i get in my car. Difference is I trust myself enough to drive safely and responsibly enough that I am not a danger...other women seem to doubt themselves and believe that men can do a better job than them.

I do too and think of it every time i get in my car. Difference is I trust myself enough to drive safely and responsibly enough that I am not a danger...other women seem to doubt themselves and believe that men can do a better job than them

i trust myself enough to drive safely and responsibly, i am definitely NOT a danger to other road users. The trouble is, that a lot of other people are massive liabilitys and incredibly dangerous.

I fully 100% trust myself. I dont trust everyone else, though.

Just as a matter of interest Formerbabe aren’t you a SAHM supported by your husband?

Currently but that's not because I think I'm not capable of having a job.

and believe that men can do a better job than them.

Where are you getting that from? Plenty of men probably shouldn’t be on the road either. We had to practically wrestle my grandpa’s car keys off him when his vision and reflexes got too poor to drive - he was supremely confident he’d be fine but it didn’t mean he was right!

Currently but that's not because I think I'm not capable of having a job

Just enquiring. Interesting.

The trouble is, that a lot of other people are massive liabilitys and incredibly dangerous.

So do you never get in a car at all? Because even if your dh is driving or a taxi driver, you're still at risk of these other road users

formerbabe i both drive, and get in the car with DH because i have no choice to. If i dont have to get in the car, i wont.

Hell, i'd be happier if barely anyone had cars like back in the day because less people would be injured and dead.

Your attitude that women are damsels in distress, scaredy cats that dont believe in themselves is massively insulting, to be honest.

Anyway I might not have a job at the moment but at least I can manage to negotiate the treacherous terrain of suburban London and make it to the supermarket independently.

"Anyway I might not have a job at the moment but at least I can manage to negotiate the treacherous terrain of suburban London and make it to the supermarket independently."

Plenty of women manage that without needing either a driver's license or a husband to finance it.

Anyway I might not have a job at the moment but at least I can manage to negotiate the treacherous terrain of suburban London and make it to the supermarket independently

Apparently relying on a car to do so.

Countless people male/female do the same via public transport. Driving yourself to Asda doesn’t deserve the pat on the back you think it does.

formerbabe yeah, so can everyone else, whats your point?