Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

When I had lessons I didn't trust any of the other road users and the anxiety made me sick.

I also rarely meet or encounter a MAN who says 'oooh I am too scared and anxious to drive.' Just women. WTF is that about?

formerbabe

If I could wave a magic wand, and make sure everyone knew exactly how good their driving was, so many lives could be saved. So many people should get off the road!

@getyourarseoffthequattro But it won't work well for that COUPLE if the man leaves or dies will it?! Missing the point a bit there eh?!

I understand that some people can't drive because of health reasons, but apart from that, I can't fathom why people wouldn't want to learn. Most people are anxious and nervous about it, so that doesn't seem like a valid reason to not learn IMO.

And as for 'I can't afford it!' Excuse me, but most people can't afford it! Do these 'I can't afford it' types think everyone had free bloody lessons, or got taught by their dad, took one test and passed, and had a car given to them for their 18th birthday FFS?! MOST people can't afford to pay for lessons and tests, but we still do it!

And I also wonder how some women (who depend on their DH to drive,) would cope if he dies/leaves. Driving is such a great life skill to have, like swimming, and even riding a bike. All non-essential, but very handy.

If you don't want to learn, then don't, as long as you don't expect lifts, or for people to go out of their way to pick you up/drop you off. And I'm sorry, but many non-drivers do this, even though many deny it.

@53rdWay said she is always being offered lifts and people insist on giving her lifts, but no-one I know - including me, would ever insist someone has a lift. In fact, I rarely offer one, unless I am going the same way. I won't go out of my way for anyone.

I paid a lot to learn to drive, and I pay a lot to run and maintain my car, so I don't see why others should benefit from it because they can't be bothered to drive. Funny how some people say 'I care about the environment, I prefer to walk, keep fit, get the bus and so on,' yet they will quite happily take lifts, and even expect you to go out of your way for them.

And damsel in distress? I am quite capable of walking, getting the bus/trains.
Believe it or not but my town has very good transport (I know some don't) so I don't have to rely on no man to drive me anywhere thanks.
Mrs bucket I am not 👍
And there is hardly any room for all the cars as it is, the more people who can car share the better imo.

Also, my DD is in a very niche and well-paid career, and even though driving isn't the main part of it, the job requires driving as a skill for the role. She couldn't drive, but started taking lessons, and passed 3rd time within 6 months. (Aged 23.) No way would she be in this amazing career, on £50K at the age of 25 now, if she had not learned to drive.

Similarly, my career has involved driving too. I could have still done well in my career being a non driver, but I climbed much higher on my career ladder with being able to drive. Not driving will definitely hold you back in most professional careers, and I don't believe anyone who claims it hasn't held them back.

Also, I got invited to something from a woman I know (an acquaintance,) to something that is happening on Saturday. Everyone else invited got invited 3 weeks ago. I was surprised she rang to invite me, as I have very little to do with her. I wasn't doing anything, but didn't want to go, so I said I couldn't make it.

As the conversation continued, it emerged that 2 of the 18 people going, had dropped out, and they were both drivers who were giving lifts to 5 or 6 others who couldn't drive. So I reckon the cheeky bint was only inviting me because she knows I have a car (and I can drive!) Also, when I used to be in one or two groups with these 15-20 people, I was asked quite often, to go and pick up so and so and wotsizname! Damn cheek!

I used to live somewhere where there was no need. My parents didn’t drive and I couldn’t afford it anyway. My husband comes from a rural area and has wealthy parents. He had a car at 17.
Then we moved where it was more needed but a combination of having children, cost and the fact I couldn’t drive my husbands car prevented me.
Eventually I learnt in my 30s but had to pay for all my lessons as had no other car to practice in.
I’ve been driving for about 6 years and it’s changed my life. But... I have every sympathy as to why it’s not always as easy as just learning and passing.

Not driving will definitely hold you back in most professional careers, and I don't believe anyone who claims it hasn't held them back

That’s only the case if driving is essential surely? My friend (aged 50) doesn’t drive. Has never driven and earns 6 figures because they’re happy to use public transport and driving has no bearing on the role.

Are you fucking joking? What a hilariously ignorant thread to create!

I have recently started driving lessons however we are really struggling to afford them and as I am disabled it is clearly going to take me a very long time, with a lot of expensive lessons, before I will be anywhere near passing a driving test. In the past I hadn't started learning because: a) disability which meant I didn't think I would be able to learn well enough to pass my test, b) anxiety surrounding learning to drive and driving, c) couldn't afford lessons, d) couldn't afford a car, insurance etc so seemed pointless learning (still can't afford one even though DH passed his driving test a year ago), e) was not necessary for me to drive (still isn't, I walk and use public transport). Also there is nobody who can help me learn to drive as DH only passed his test a year ago so even though we can't afford a car, even if we could, he doesn't meet the legal minimum of time having his licence so he couldn't take me out driving anyway. I only have two other relatives nearby who drive their own cars and both drive automatics and I am learning manual, so theres not much point them taking me out.

we gave up the car due to financial and environmental reasons.

we cycle and take the train. and rent a car/van for when cycling/train is not an option.

shiny ah right, so because you dont know any men with anxiety, they clearly dont exist.

I don't think you understand what "can't afford lessons" means. For us it meant one minimum wage earning part time worker being propped up by benefits supporting a dependant adult and a baby. You can't magically afford something if you can't afford it. You either have means or you don't. We didn't.

I didn’t say that, @Shinycat, read my actual words. I said some drivers get weirdly pushy about offering lifts. It’s lovely if nobody you know does this but I guarantee you some people out there do.

My theory on this FWIW is that these are people who can’t conceive of people functioning without a car, and think that any other way of getting to places is a horrible slog they’re obliged to save non-drivers from. And then they grumble about all these lazy non-drivers they’re forced to ferry around. Is a bit self-inflicted.

shiny how am i missing the point? so we should all learn to drive incase our husbands die?

or you know, we could just learn if and when the time comes if we even need to ( and if you live somewhere with good public transport, you might not even bother!)

YABU far too many crap drivers on roads already - why add people who don't want to be there?

also rarely meet or encounter a MAN who says 'oooh I am too scared and anxious to drive.' Just women. WTF is that about? hmm

Well, I'm a man and I'm too 'nervous and scared' to drive.

Only I wouldn't put it as negatively as that. Now I say I am aware that my personality, stress and anxiety levels mean it's not safe for me to drive so I don't ..and I don't care if people see that as a weakness.

Due to the stigma of being seen as a failure in life for not being to prepare to make myself physically ill at the thought of driving ( which happened to me) , I actually started and stopped twice, spending £1'000s on two different cars and insurance before I realised I just couldn't do it.

Judgemental arrogant people like the OP make me so angry ..if you don't want to drive all the time..don't. My partner will drive us she wants, but if she feels she doesn't want to then we make other arrangements. She never feels like she ' has' to drive, and I made it clear to her before we ever got a car that I would never drive. It was then her decision if she wanted to or not.

no one HAS to drive. No one.

I have two bosses, a husband and wife team. He doesn’t drive due to anxiety.
I know quite a few men who don’t drive.
Neither of my parents did. My grandmother drove ambulances during the war and my grandfather didn’t drive. He struggled to even leave the house due to anxiety.

I'm not really who you're talking about as I can drive, do occasionally when it can't be avoided, and consider myself an averagely safe and competent driver.

But I will almost always avoid it when I can because I absolutely hate it. It stresses me right out and I can't stand how much your visibility is reduced sitting inside a car. It's so much responsibility to be driving an enormous, fast metal object that could easily kill someone and I don't like having that responsibility (I also think a lot of drivers don't take this responsibility as seriously as they should).

Much prefer riding my bike, which is also better for my health and the environment so win win.

I don't understand the can't afford to learn argument. Are driving lessons more expensive for women? How come at some point in their life all these husbands managed to afford to learn to drive but the women didn't?

Not driving will definitely hold you back in most professional careers, and I don't believe anyone who claims it hasn't held them back

Really?
So consultants, lawyers, Financial services etc will all be held back if they don’t drive?

Think I will remind those in the City of London their lack of driving skills are holding them back.

One of my dds drives and travels. The company prefer her using the train. It’s quicker, work can be done and cheaper as depending on location no hotel is needed.
Her previous job however required a lot of travel, and for her to progress a license needed. But she realised quickly she didn’t want to be a team leader of higher for an alarm company

And people in Western societies drive far too much in general. We should all be looking to drive as little as we can manage in our personal circumstances.

It's so much responsibility to be driving an enormous, fast metal object that could easily kill someone

That's true...thank heavens we have big strong men to take on such a task...phew

And as for 'I can't afford it!' Excuse me, but most people can't afford it! Do these 'I can't afford it' types think everyone had free bloody lessons, or got taught by their dad, took one test and passed, and had a car given to them for their 18th birthday FFS?! MOST people can't afford to pay for lessons and tests, but we still do it! hmm

FFS
If you have it, it means you can bloody afford it.