Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

@dustycaramel

It's far more common when only one half of a couple can drive that its the man rather than the woman....with the invariable reason that the woman hates driving, is anxious or can't afford to.

It's a feminist issue.

Ah well, I have other fine gifts.

I don't drive - failed test 3 time's.

My dh does all the driving. I use buses/ walk / taxi when I need to.

I could try again but honestly we would rather spend the money on other things. It's very expensive where we live to learn. Lessons are approx £27 an hr. But also time is an issue as I work full time and have three kids - we are time short and isn't something we as a family have priorities

We live on a main bus route. School for kids can be walked to, my work is on a bus route

The cost of running a second car or getting insurance more than covers my monthly taxi / uber bill !

i can and do drive but if i had a choice i wouldn't (as in i couldn't get to work on public transport unfortunately!)

i just hate it. i hate other road users, it gives me anxiety, i find it stressful, i could go on. I am a good driver, but its my least favourite thing ever. Before i could drive i lived a walk away from work, and DS's nursery, and dp drove. I just didnt need to drive then.

I think the roads would be even worse if everyone "able" was forced to drive honestly.

If you want to pay for my lessons and buy me a car,tax and insure it then yep would love to learn.

And only because your child passed even with having Sen, my 18 year old who has autsim has done his driving test 3 times and wont do it again as he has lost all confidence in himself.
Your and your child's experience is just that yours.

@northernknickers

Of course I've tried to get my licence back! What a silly comment.

There has been times where my doctor has said no, there has been times where my doctor has said no reason why not and I'll get his support. But I'm still here with no licence ... which tbh is probably a good thing, if there are people driving around with the symptoms I have then I don't want to be on the road with them.

What business is it of yours? @Fivetillmidnight Your post sounds very sneery and judgemental.

and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man)

what makes you think its a burden?

when me and dp are going somewhere together he will drive like 99% of the time because being a passenger makes him feel sick, he feels fine driving.

I dont think he would ever describe it as a "burden"

i just hate it. i hate other road users, it gives me anxiety, i find it stressful, i could go on

And yet men don't seem to have these issues.

I knew a woman whose dh drove and she didnt. She was sadly widowed with two dc...she learnt to drive sharpish.

Honestly, I find this damsel in distress stuff really embarrassing.

And yet men don't seem to have these issues.

My Dad does - he now leaves driving to my Mum who is also starting to hate it.

Conditions increasingly have to be ideal for her to drive - which is meaning that they are actually getting more isolated then IL who don't drive at all so live in small town with good transport links.

I know plenty of men who don’t drive because of anxiety etc.
I know a couple of males who have an automatic license.

I cringe for anyone who relies on others when they don’t have any health issues.

There are also men who don't drive because of anxiety, formerbabe. There was a thread a while back where everyone was giving a poster a hard time because her husband wasn't confident to drive to a wedding, and she couldn't go.

I think OP is naive to say that learning to drive isn't expensive.

You’re asking the wrong question OP. If you’re going to make this a gender thing, the question is why do so many men think it’s their god given right to drive despite being unsafe to do so, whereas women are less likely to risk other people’s lives for their own convenience?

Why are you so angry about people not doing something potentially unsafe and definitely terrible for the environment?

YABVVVVVVU.

Can’t afford lessons, single parents on low income in London.

Only travel locally is train / tube / bus which is much easier than a car around here. Longer journeys/ ease of journey is taxi or Uber.

Hospital appointments - hospital actively requests people don’t drive due to parking, it’s on a bus and train line.

This all said, when I move away in the future I do intend to learn. Not sure how great I’ll be but if DD goes off to uni a great distance away, i want to be able to drive her to and from. My friend’s child has recently gone to uni a long way away and has to manage by coach, which was a nightmare when moving into halls.

formerbabe

Women commonly underestimate their competence. Men commonly overestimate their competence. So women will keep themselves off their road for everyone else's sake, and men will merrily keep on being a hazard to (everyone else's) life and limb.

As someone once said, "God, give me the confidence of a mediocre white man!"

Women commonly underestimate their competence. Men commonly overestimate their competence. So women will keep themselves off their road for everyone else's sake, and men will merrily keep on being a hazard to (everyone else's) life and limb.

DBro is guilty of this. My dad reckons I'm a better driver than DBro, so I ignore DBro's comments. I don't stay off the road, however, I DGAF and carry on driving. I probably do around 10,000 miles a year more than DBro, anyway.

My ex is definitely over-confident about his driving. Neither me or the DCs will forget one particular day when he was driving at 100mph in the pouring rain. DC haven't driven in a car with him since because they don't want to.

And yet men don't seem to have these issues.
I can think of three men in my family who don't drive due to fear and anxiety.

I knew a woman whose dh drove and she didnt. She was sadly widowed with two dc...she learnt to drive sharpish.
And? Driving wasn't necessary when her husband was alive and became necessary once he died.
That would be the case for many tasks with many couples. My friend was diagnosed with MS several years ago, her husband got really good at the DIY and decorating she used to do and he never got involved with previously.

Honestly, I find this damsel in distress stuff really embarrassing.

It makes me laugh how on one hand driving is made out to be some massive burden that one person in a family can't possibly be expected to undertake, despite most drivers I know falling over themselves to jump in the car for the tiniest of journeys.
On the other hand it's something we should all just do, no excuses and we should embarrassed to be anxious or fearful about doing it despite it being probably the most dangerous thing people do.

@JamieVardysHavingAParty

Great point actually!

I just don't want to drive! Why do you care if I drive or not? So weird.

formerbabe

i cant exactly help that i have anxiety, i had really bad anxiety years ago to the point where i struggled to leave the house, It now only (thankfully!) manifests itself with driving. My anxiety stems around the fact that i cant control other peoples actions and behaviour, so its no surprise that driving doesnt come easily to me.

DH doesnt have these issues, because he doesnt have anxiety.

Stop making everything into a men vs women issue, its not.

And dont call me a "damsel in distress" its franky fucking offensive.

Before i drove, i was absolutely fine on public transport, i didnt wait around waiting for DH to drive me everywhere, thank you very much.

Oh, and its not a confidence thing either, i am a bloody good driver. Its other peoples shit and dangerous driving i dont like. What can i do about that?

I agree with @formerbabe tbh.

I mean about women depending on men too much for driving.

I understand anxiety but whilst some posters may proclaim to know men with anxiety around driving, this issue does seem to disproportionately affect women.

whats wrong with that though if its works for that couple shiny?

seriously, like why does it matter? why does anyone care?