Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

I don’t drive because of my mh. Most days I might be fine, but there’s a strong possibility that I would be a danger.
I’m lucky to also live in London with fab transport on my doorstep.
Then there’s a massive parking issue most of which is metered. Upkeep of the car. Parking permit.
A lot of the trips I make I can walk to, and factoring traffic is often quicker.

Medical/financial issues aside, I massively cringe at women who don't drive and rely on 'hubby' to ferry them around.

I have two friends who are married, don't work and live with their DH. Both women can drive. Both have a car sitting in the drive as their DH's get work transport to their jobs.
Neither of them choose to drive. They don't like it. But they don't mind our friends or me driving them around. And their DH's get the pleasure of taking them grocery shopping, to appointments, hairdressers etc on their time off.
It's not fair, IMO.

I don’t drive. But I also don’t expect lifts. Why should I? I feel that being a master user of public transport is a very transferable skill. especially when your government is declaring war on cars.

I don't expect lifts but we have had couple of locations - one for Guides and one for Scoutes we couldn't get to with public transport - so kids couldn't go.

One Scoutes no way - Guides location there was bus route 2 mile walk away but the transport times were such that it would have meant over nighting in nearer city becuase transport connection times meant it was impossibel to get to event before half over otherwise.

Some areas do need much better public transport.

It's a bit short sighted of you, OP, to assume that anyone who doesn't want to drive is just playing some 1950s part.

I'm happy for my partner to drive because my car is a bag of shit and I hate driving. My parents did not want to teach me to drive in their very old, poor quality cars in case of any accident - the insurance would have been sky high to add me, so lucky you that you can afford your child's payment. It took me until I was 35 to be able to save up enough to pass. I tried at around 20 and failed a few times so couldn't afford to carry on - it was pay mortgage or learn to drive so I made the obvious choice. I relied on NO ONE for lifts etc. I just used the bus.

It took me getting a good promotion miles away to be able to get driving. And even then I had to accept a free 15yr old car from my gran who can no longer drive it. I still only drive to the train station and then commit to a very long commute as I hate driving so much I refuse to drive the whole way to work even though it's half the time of my train/bus rides.

It's nothing to do with being stuck with a 1950s attitude to being driven around, my partner is a more experienced driver, enjoys doing it and has a safer and better car than I do - which I am not insured to drive myself as I've been driving less than 2yrs so can't get coverage on my insurance. I have zero confidence on the roads despite being a decent driver.

Lots of people say they don't expect lifts, but it's often really awkward. I always feel obliged to offer. Say I'm leaving somewhere with a female friend and its late and dark and I have my car, I'd feel really shitty just driving off.

This just seems odd that you don’t have the imagination to recognise different life circumstances!

I’m 45 with two small children. My husband drives. I take them places by foot, bus or taxi. My husband wants me to drive too and does get fed up but knows I am very, very anxious at the prospect.

I tried to drive at 18, but my instructor gave up on me. Too nervous / shaky. That left me anxious. Have tried twice since, last time I missed a lesson when my Mum was admitted to the hospice in the last week of her life. Instructor told me I needed to go back on the waiting list. I haven’t because with hindsight I just don’t think she was a very good instructor, I’d had twelve lessons and got nowhere, still very shaky and like others have said, couldn’t remember any basics.

I’m looking at an intensive week. It’s £2k, which is fine, but not within everyone’s reach. Am taking a week’s unpaid leave to do it, also presumably out of reach for many.
Delay is while I get used to new varifocals, plus waiting list, plus need it to be the right time to take time off work due to work commitments.

I don’t expect lifts from anyone. I pay for taxis.

Individual lessons are £30-£40 (Hertfordshire). I work in London, full time, commute via train, and frequently away abroad. Individual lessons are impossible as my hours aren’t regular. Ditto husband teaching me, he works evenings and weekends, so I’m not sure how as we aren’t together very much, certainly not during school or after school hours?

Could I not equally ask you why you aren’t working full time? It would be equally unreasonable.

I can and do drive, but I fucking hate it. If my husband wanted to drive me everywhere, I’d bloody well let him.

i do drive but...
Learning is expensive.
Owning a car is expensive.
Insurance/taxes/parking are expensive.
Its a luxury that many can't have.

I can drive but I gave up about 10 years ago because I don't really need a car so it's just an unnecessary expense, anywhere I want to go to I can get there by walking cycling or train,
not having a car is also a great excuse to not visit people that I don't want to see anyway🤭

Why is it always women who are too anxious to drive or hate it...I never hear men say that.

Probably because it’s far more socially acceptable for a woman not to drive.

"But they don't mind our friends or me driving them around."

Are you being forced at gunpoint to do this?

Fgs, maybe anxiety around driving is more common In women and men, maybe because of structural sexism. But I resent the implication. I do plenty of things that don’t fit the role of ‘little woman’ like being the breadwinner for instance.

*than

I feel that for a lot of men particularly older men driving and car ownership is very tied up with their sense of masculine authority
I appreciate that driving and car ownership symbolises success and autonomy for many people of both sexes, personally I hate cars, cars are about carnage,pollution traffic jams, cars are a blight on our landscape, great big ugly Chelsea tractors crammed into every space, thundering everywhere.

because many women don't have the coordination to drive. Most able bodied people who take an automatic test are women. I've never known an able bodied man have an automatic license.

And everyone is saying because of the cost to learn, well i never knew it was free for a man to learn to drive and insure a car

I can drive but I don't have a car. I live a great transport network

My husband learned at 17 with money from family. Maybe other people in similar circs?

I have ADHD and according to 4 different examiners, my concentration and attention is a problem for driving safely. I have given up for now as the lessons were costing a fortune and I live outside the UK, in this country I am not allowed to go driving with just anyone, only a trained instructor in a dual control car.

I live in a city with decent public transport links, so could get away with not driving, if I had to. It would still limit my job options though, as the bus/metro/train system in Manchester isn't as comprehensive as it is in London. So although I live near a metro stop and only go into the office 3 days a week, my journey to work would be 10 mins walk to the metro, 30 mins on the metro, wait for the bus, 20 min bus journey and 5 minute walk to the office. As opposed to a 30 minute drive.

I grew up in the sticks though and learnt to drive at 17, due to the lack of public transport everyone just learnt to drive. I also really love hiking and would struggle to get out of Manchester as much, if I couldn't drive - there is an ok train service to the Lakes, Yorks, Peaks but it's not brilliant.

So, if you live in London and aren't bothered about exploring the countryside, I can see why you wouldn't need to learn to drive.

because many women don't have the coordination to drive

Hilarious! What a load of crap.

All these excuses about anxiety, finances etc could just as easily apply to men.

But you’re missing the point. If neither could drive, yes they could equally apply.

But if one already can, how would they?

Also, I don’t need an excuse??

Lots of people say they don't expect lifts, but it's often really awkward. I always feel obliged to offer.

As a non-driver it’s equally awkward when people keep offering lifts I’ve said no to. Some people get incredibly pushy about it. It is a bit odd in honesty and I think there is a weird overlap between the people who won’t take “no, thanks” for an answer and the people who then grumble on here that they are constantly ferrying non-drivers around everywhere.

I’m an adult, if I got myself somewhere I can get myself home again. If you genuinely want to offer a lift to your friends then that’s up to you but if you’re the one offering, you can’t also feel put-upon for doing it.