Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

More non-drivers = bigger market for decent public transport and walking/cycling infrastructure = better situation for those of us who don't drive for OP-acceptable reasons. Am all in favour.

Never been able to afford lessons then the car, insurance, petrol, MOT, parking.

My parents paid it all for my brother - couldn't afford to do the same for me.

No point in saving up for lessons if you can't afford all the follow up.

Also I've seen the amount of road rage and cars on the road in rush hour, fights over parking spaces outside schools. No thanks!

When DC were at uni, both were 140 to 180 miles away, and we shared the driving when going to take them/fetch them back.

Seriously? That's just crack pipe logic. Were they still being fitted for Start-Rites in uni as well?

Learning is extortionate. The average lesson is £50 for two hours and that’s probably on the cheaper side. £50 a week is a lot to many people. Yes you can get learner driver insurance and learn with a relative but it really is not the same as paying for an official instructor. It then costs £25 for the theory test which you might not pass first time so would have to retake and I think the driving test is £60? Which again, if you don’t pass you have to retake. Most people spend thousands learning to drive, it’s not cheap. I suspect that is the main reason plus maybe they don’t have time for the lessons every week or it’s something they don’t view as being hugely important because their DP drives so they’ve never really had to.

Another one who doesn't drive for car accident reasons. I was run over when I was 11 by a speeding driver. Thenkfully not seriously hurt, and no long term physical effects beyond a few small scars from bits of headlights getting embedded in my forehead. But it was enough to make me realise that I didn't want to do that to somebody else. I've tried to drive, but every time I do, I panic. And I've never begged for a lift in my life.

For what it's worth, there are many things I can do, and many achievements in my life that others may not have. Why don't more people run marathons? Most of us have working legs.

FWIW I do drive but my DH usually drives us around because I get anxious on the roads and stressed when the DC start making a ruckus in the back. It’s just easier for DH to do it. I get public transport to work and back even though it takes longer than driving would, I just find it easier mentally. Plus better for the environment so win win.

All you women who choose not to drive, what would you do if your husband left and suddenly you can't get your children to activities they like because you can't drive ? How would you deal with your choice of jobs being limited*

Bus, train, metro, tram, walk, taxi or cycle.

I do have a license but we only have one car.

I started lessons at 17, but then I just lost interest. I started them again at 25 and passed my test the same year. I didn’t realise just how dire public transport was before I started driving. I love driving.

But I will say that I had extreme anxiety for the first year I had my car. Always making silly mistakes and getting myself in a panic. I thinks that’s quite normal though, and you just need to power through and keep using the car, even if you don’t want to. With experience comes confidence. I think many people give up too easily.

What I hate about driving though is the expectation that I am happy to ferry non driving relatives/friends around, just because I have a car. Infuriates me!

.

I can drive - I passed my test over 25 years ago. However, an accident (not my fault) involving a sixteen wheel truck dented my confidence. Even to this day, my foot goes to the imaginary brake pedal when others are driving (badly)

I did drive immediately after the accident for a few more years. Then I stopped driving as I couldn't justify the cost of having a car and spending all my time commuting in London (and then socialising on weekends). So over the years I never really got back into it. I still commute and socialise in London where transport links are good.

Though I am now thinking I need to start again as DM is getting older and I notice she's turning a little doddery when driving.

All you women who choose not to drive, what would you do if your husband left and suddenly you can't get your children to activities they like because you can't drive ? How would you deal with your choice of jobs being limited

I'd do what I did before I met my husband. I am teaching my DC to have a good appreciation of independence and physical exercise and a sense of adventure. I don't want a life of feeling dependent on four wheels for my children. How do you cope when your car is out of action? How would my choice of jobs be limited? How do you think I got to work before I met my husband?

Just because I don't drive, doesn't mean I sat around and waited for a MAN to whisk me away in his car. Do you not think women can do things by ourselves, or must we be reliant on something, be it a husband or a vehicle?

Being able to drive was a huge help when my elderly mother became more frail and needed more support to continue living at home, needed to be taken to appointments and when she eventually went into a care home.

Oh and FWIW, I take DC to activities by walking, by ferry, by long bus adventures. Its a lovely time for us to sit together and chat. Much prefer that to sitting with my back to them and trying to block them out so that they dont distract me on the road.

@EstebanTheMagnificent
not easy? I dunno we survive just fine. Just depends on the lifestyle you lead. Me and DD happy homebodies, as is DP. We were more stressed in the city where i could get buses or taxis no worries. The though of going out every other night is draining to us.
Even if we both didnt drive, we could still send dd to our school of choice, shop, work. Internet makes it all so easy, even rural.

When i say shops i mean one small supermarket, which is being generous, 1 hardware store and 1 clothing store that is irrelevant to
me in sizes and style. So even driving, id shop online
Funnily enough we have 2 pubs and a bottle shop, booze almost outnumbers normal stores

WHY do people get so worked up about this? It’s puzzling. It’s like any other semi skill, some people have done it and some haven’t. If we want everyone to do it the best thing would be to have Drivers Ed classes in school like they do/did in the US. When learning costs in excess of £1000 and owning and insuring a car several more thousand it’s not really that surprising is it that a proportion of low income people won’t have learned?

@DimplesToadfoot and you've never thought to question it since? I also had to send my licence back...like I said in my initial post...on diagnosis. But this was, as I said and as is the case, a temporary measure until the condition is stabilised by your medication. Once it is, your GP will infirm the DVLA again and you get your licence back. But YOU need to be proactive in this 🤷‍♀️

Ok I give up. Just saddened that we still seem to be in the 1950s with the little woman sitting next to the driving man. Most of whom seem to have overcome anxiety, spatial awareness, finances and desire to transport themselves.

I have epilepsy after a car crash head injury so spent all of my 20s being able to drive and now can't. And yet I can totally see how other people can't for different reasons.

OP - people have given many reasons they don't drive. You've essentially responded with "yes, but..." to all of them, leaving the only reason as "women who can't be bothered / rely on their husband" so there's no room for you to actually acknowledge any other reasons.

Do you see how that makes your question pointless?

It's like me saying why doesn't everyone learn a language and then saying "yes, but" to all answers until the only one acceptable is "because they're racist / xenophobic". Which would be ridiculous. As are your responses.

Agree with you. So many women on here who can't drive but live in the middle of nowhere. I get that it costs money but in my opinion it is a priority with small children and living rurally. I don't know anyone in real life like this. Seems to be a MN thing.

Seems to be a MN thing.

So how does not having the time and/or money to learn to drive relate to MN? Could it be possibly that many mothers are short of time and money?

1.im scared I'll get into an accident.

2.i prefer to be the designated drinker

3.im lazy

I learnt at 17 passed test at 18 was declared unsafe by family and then didn't need to drive for years - later dignosed with dyspraxia which would make driving harder.

DH doesn't drive either - he's never learnt.

So we're a no car family.

So we live lifestyle and lcoations were not driving has least impact possible on us - though it can be an issue every now and again. When I've thought about starting again it's usually been cost that stopped it.

Both my parents drive - they live rurally but only have one car so getting aorund was still an issue for us kids and both hate driving as they get older.

My FIL tried - thanks to accident he was in has panic attacks and has been forced to stop every time.

MIL refuses to even try - often seems shocked that other women drive despite being driven around by many of them. She also can't apparently grasp that driving takes energy, time and money and is very prepared to have other drive her around.

One of my DGM never drove she was terrible for puting pressure on DGF to drive well past point he should have stopped for safety reasons.

I might in later life get a automatic car - which I think would be much easier on me - and take many more lessons to get back up to speed though people drive so agressively I'm not sure if I'll ever get to that point.

I would never live rurally without driving though.

So I think the OP has a point - if there are no medical impediments, there is already a car and transport in area is poor - but then I'd also assume in most cases it's probaly been considered.

I learnt when I was in my early 20s, likewise my DH. We had both decided long before we met that driving wasn't something we liked doing.

Neither of us has ever owned a car and for the last 20 years we have also both felt that it's not environmentally friendly. I will travel in a car but prefer that car to be a taxi (aka a sort of form of public transport). I cycle, DH doesn't , DC does but is not esp keen as he plays the tuba and it's only 3 out of 5 or sometimes fewer that he could use the bike for school.

To some extent it will be “a mn thing”. This is a forum used a lot by people who are at home in the daytime. There will be a proportion not working, disabled, low income. Therefore there will be some not driving. Not rocket science is it?

Talking about driving over the US with a friend at some point in the future. Two non-drivers want to join us. We’ve told them to take lessons and get their licenses or they won’t be coming.

I do drive. I have been driving for years. I hate driving, I am very nervous. Some people don't drive because of health issues but if anyone dislikes driving, doesn't want to drive, can't afford lessons etc that is entirely their own business. I would love to be able to stop driving but live in a rural area and it would be too inconvenient. No way am I driving on a motorway again and I am entitled to please myself about that. I catch trains.