Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

@FreiasBathtub zero impact? So how do you get around and do grocery shopping with children? Please please do not tell me your husband drives you! If that is the case then you are missing the point. You not driving is having a huge impact on his life I’m sure!!

None of dh's siblings drive. We never see them despite them living 5 miles away. They are too tight to get taxis and moan about getting 2 buses. Dh had enough of providing a taxi service.
They have never set foot outside their city and are in their 60s.

I’ve never learned. Let bed I London for years and now just really don’t fancy it. Not sure why it bothers you?

Lived not let bed!

It's hard to drive after you have seen an awful accident, I saw one when my DS was a baby which sadly involved a fatality of a small child, I saw the child on the road with a blanket over them and a teddy next to them. I was reluctant to drive after that but got some support from my GP and had a few sessions in my own car with a driving instructor to boost my confidence, it might be worth those of you looking at if you find it hard because of a traumatic incident.

I know it's not possible for some with PTSD or similar.

You're looking at it in a very blinkered black and white way OP. There are lots of reasons why people don't drive and they are equally valid. I didn't drive until I was 30 because I was shit terrified of it. I was in two horrific car accidents at 14 and then 16 and couldn't even get in a car for several years after. Sitting in the driver's seat would send me into a blind panic. That's a valid reason.

Not being able to afford it is also a valid reason. Just not wanting to? Also a valid reason. Not wanting to pollute further? Totally a valid reason.

I kind of get the point the OP is making too. I appreciate some people have medical conditions, or live in a city with great public transport (and horrible traffic jams) or just can't afford it. But I agree it's a gender thing and very few men rely on their wives to do the driving (I do know one, my son's ex-childminder's husband doesn't drive, and I don't think it's for medical reasons, and I met someone the other week who told me her husband didn't drive (and implied he was a waste of space).

My mum learnt to drive an automatic because she had problems with gears. It hasn't held her back and electric and hybrid cars are all automatic anyway so if you have struggled to learn it might be worth exploring automatics as they are the future, give it a decade and nobody will be driving a manual unless it's an old car.

In terms of being eco-friendly, yes of course we should all be walking and cycling more. But unless infrastructure is improved, people will still drive. There are lots of journeys I could do by bike but I am too nervous although when I can, I do. I am a fair weather cyclist but from March to October I can cover a lot of journeys by bike.

Driving is a choice for most people, the reasons not to are many and varied, even if a person is just lazy and can't be bothered, that is their choice, and if someone else is affected by that, then it is up to them to question it. It is not a civic duty to drive, and nobody else's business, you can always inwardly judge them if you wish!

Not sure why it bothers you

I think it bothers people if they are constantly asked for lifts and/or end up having to change their journey pattern to accommodate someone. I refer you to the CF threads about the lady who wouldn't walk 15 minutes to her friend's house so that her daughter could get a lift to club on a Friday. Yes the CFery was the main issue but had she driven, the situation wouldn't have arisen in the first place.

@squeekums I’m really glad that you have strategies in place but you have kind of made my point for me. It’s possible to live very rurally without a driving but it isn’t easy. You also sound a bit more connected than us - we have no shops in walking distance and although we have a bus stop, there is literally one bus in the morning and one in the afternoon, and if you miss either then you are in trouble!

I only started driving 3 years ago. Took along time as well. Lessons were sooo expensive. I had a lot of gaps in between which slowed me down

Driving makes me anxious (even after 20 years' experience and no reason to be) so I avoid driving when I can, I walk everywhere instead. I have a car but it's used maybe once a month at most.

My friend is so awful with spacial awareness her driving instructor told her not to continue. She then tried a moped (CBT) but failed and nearly bloody killed herself (she has zero road sense too) so she thought it best if she stick to public transport. Her mum gives her LOTS of lifts.

Shouldn't we all be giving up cars and using more public transport?

wow, what a judgemental person you are OP. My reasons for driving are: GAD- i am petrified of driving, it sends my anxiety sky high and i feel dizzy. Also, an horrendous car crash when i was pregnant which shot fear through me as i could of lost my baby, its amazing i never. Also, money.

BUT nobody needs a reason, if you don't want to then thats fine. I do feel bad that i don't drive, but i just cannot bring myself to do it. Lay off the fucking judgement OP, why are you so arsed what other people do?

for NOT* driving

bloody phone

It's £27 an hour in my area, we just can't afford it.

Never bothered to learn before as I lived in London where it is literally pointless to have a car.

I work from home so I don't need to commute anywhere.

But you go on with your judgy pants.

Shouldn't we all be giving up cars and using more public transport

In the cities, yes. I was going to say that you still need a car to do your supermarket shopping but you can do it online and get it delivered. Online shopping is great for so many reasons.

But if you live rurally/in smaller towns public transport is rubbish. And kids' activities can be way off the beaten track for example football matches are often on fields nowhere near a bus stop or railway station. Or start too early on a Sunday before public transport has started running. The track where my son does athletics is on a decent bus route - but not from where we live.

I don't drive because I'm clearly defective and not really a fully functioning adult. Thanks for the reminder

...so defective I posted that too soon.

I had about 26hrs of driving lessons when I was about 19. At the end of the lesson I decided would be my last ever, my instructor said "I don't know what's wrong with you, you are a decent enough driver but you're nowhere near ready for your test. So I thought it would be best if I just gave the whole thing a swerve.

Nowadays I couldn't possibly afford the cost of lessons+tests+insurance etc.

See username. I’ve only been paralysed 12 months, I can’t afford it, and I can cycle and user public transport most of the time.

I think op is more referring to the many posts on here about people either impacted because they cant drive or drivers impacted because they are being used as a taxi service.

I'm another who grew somewhere where being able to drive was a more essential life skill than being able to read and write. So the attitude that it is optional does throw me a bit, even though I know conditions in the UK justify it. Everyone would drive if they had to, it's the fact that they don't have that allows a minority to believe they can't do it.

As it happens, it never occurred to me to pay for lessons. I had one half-hour with my mother in a car-park, mastering the use of the clutch, and after that it was just a question of building up my skills on my own. Having said that, it must have been legal to drive alone on a learner licence, as I remember driving alone to take the test. Another way conditions aren't comparable, I suppose.

In fairness, it took me a few attempts to pass the test, and in my first few years of driving I did have three minor fender-benders which weren't good for my insurance premiums.

I am the sole driver in the family. It doesn't bother me. What would bother me far more would be if the other people wanted to drive my car. Its mine! Hands off and get your own one!

Seriously, some people are just not safe to be drivers. Some people don't want to be. I am lucky that the non-drivers in my family have all become excellent navigators, which is a real bonus.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, you are a decent enough driver but you're nowhere near ready for your test.

What was 'wrong' with you was that you had a shit instructor, they are supposed to build confidence and not destroy it.

Driving has changed so much in the last 20 years since I passed, people are much more aggressive, I get cut up everything I go out, there’s much more traffic on the roads, not to mention smart motorways. I drive locally but any other journeys I think fuck it, I don’t want to get stressed & anxious so only go further afield if dh drives. So I totally get why some people don’t bother learning now

I was a late driver thanks to being put off by a crap instructor. Public transport where I live is terrible and expensive.
I have a friend whose DH refuses to learn to drive. Which would be fine apart from the fact they have 2 sporty children. She has to drive them to everything. There’s no break for her and it’s several evenings a week - all whilst he sits at home. She’s dragged herself from a sick bed to drive them. It’s not fair. He had lessons and was fine, just not interested.