To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

[Hihothedairyo]

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

Why didn't you do it, then?

Oh, and I would definitely say I felt exploited by the health service in many instances during my decades in A&E. Working conditions, pay, arsehole patients .......

So become a Dom then?- you just said how great it was right?! Or maybe you could encourage your daughter to do it- then you can both retire in the sun!

Name changed

I escorted for a while. No one would EVER think I would be an escort. I had good full time job etc. I just did it for extra money.

And trust me - it is disgusting. Even the nice clean men - it was just awful.

I hated myself, cried all the time. I got raped once.

No one knows of my past and it is long behind me.

So yes I knew what I was doing but I wouldn't say it was 'willing'

YABU

Prostitution reinforces the myth that men somehow need sex in that it's some kind of inalienable human right of their's.

we often laugh together about nobody ever, ever questioned where all that money was coming from

Good try, but the woman I’m talking about made no secret about what she did for a living. Just as you or I would say we are a Dr or lawyer, she said she was a dominatrix. Her family knew, her friends knew, any potential partners knew, it was no secret. No idea if she told the taxman or not or whether it was all set up through a company, probably not as it was a few decades ago when everything was still paper based and banks didn’t have to have your tax file number back then, and not sure property purchases were flagged? Pretty sure she would have openly told any real estate if they asked given even her grandparents knew. The only secret she had was who her clients were, that nobody would know. Also, exactly where she worked, we knew the suburb and that it was a place with two stories (as she would say things like ‘when I went upstairs’). She used her first property purchase as the work location so moved it out of where she was initially living pretty quickly.

@hoppingpalava you have no idea what her real financial situation is/ was or what degrading acts she had to do to get it. You know only what she told you. No one gets paid hundreds of thousands for simply weeing on people and locking them in a cupboard whilst reading the paper. You’re very naive if you believe that

I'm still baffled at a dom wearing a schoolgirl outfit.

but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Damn right it does, and no choice is made in a vacuum. When women are forced out of jobs that pay because they had kids with a man who fucked off and they still have to feed the kids and get no social support, that's not a bloody choice. Nor even when they're forced out of jobs that pay because work that women do is naturally valued less and paid less in a broken economy. FOTTFSOF.

Well for me, it’s the exportation side of it. It’s the risk involved that just dominating them might not be enough and if the power dynamic shifts then you are completely helpless. It’s the idea that you are just a piece of meat to someone, just something to be bought and sold

Would you encourage your daughter to be a dominatrix for £300 an hour? I wouldn’t

It isn't the woman being a piece of meat though. Its what she is doing to the man NOT what he is doing to her.

The dominatrix who got blood everywhere is worrying. I am well aware of what being a Domme involves, but I would totally rule out all blood play. No a chance in hell. If they don't like it, they go elsewhere.

I do think domination is different because the men have no access to the woman's body. Inserting a sounding tool into a man's urethra isn't a big deal to me. Nor is any of the other stuff you have mentionned. Except I am just surprised she agreed to see them again if there was blood involved.

I know enough Dommes to know that that isn't the norm at all. What @HoppingPavlova describes is the usual set up.

Russellbrandshair - you just said how great it was right?!

??? NFI what you are on about. I never said how great it was. I never said I personally wanted to do it. I gave an example of ONE person that I know that was happy to do it and genuinely did not feel exploited. Yes, I did say if my daughter wanted to do it and it was on the same basis as the person I used to know I wouldn’t be horrified. I also think there would be less exploitation doing this on the terms the person I knew was doing it on (I.e. their own terms), than being exploited by a health service for several decades in what is thought to be a great job or indeed other friends in finance for example who worked that many hours when starting out in majors that they had no option but to literally grab a couple of hours sleep under their desks for the initial years. Yes, they have all retired early but not at 40 and I would counter their work days were also harder and longer than the dominatrix.

To be honest, being a good Dominatrix is knowing exactly when to stop so that you don't break the skin or leave marks. Lots of these blokes are going home to wives etc, so you can't leave marks on them. If they do want you to break the skin, that would be something I wouldn't provide. Same as I wouldn't do work with shit, which some submissive are into.

If the men don't like it, they go elsewhere. Hopping is right that these men pay a lot for discretion. And decent, discreet Dommes are hard to find. So the balance of.power is different than in prostitution. A man who raped a Domme would find himself blacklisted from all other Dommes. And would lose his privacy when the police were involved. So there is much less chance of that happening.

HoppingPavlova definitely the same woman - stunningly beautiful, highly educated, fully respected by her clients and the world, could have been an astronaut or a brain surgeon but chose sex work because the money was better. Loved sex. Never complained once, in fact, actively enjoyed it! Never had a terrible day where a man pushed her too far or didn’t pay her or attacked her or ignored her boundaries. Has an entire brood of stunning, educated, sexually adventurous daughters who she encouraged to be dominatrixes too! A family of happy, educated, stunningly beautiful, rich sex workers who love sex.

Many a time we’ve shared a cup of tea with her gran in her central-London penthouse (bought outright with the profits from her sex work) while she’s entertained us with stories of how she whippped men a few times, never felt degraded or exploited, and they literally threw cash at her feet. ‘Glad I didn’t bother with that career as a high-flying human rights lawyer!’ she would laugh, throwing her designer handbag into the back seat of her Porsche, flicking her expensive haircut out of her stunning face. ‘Being a dominatrix is completely risk free and so lucrative!’

I dont get what you’re saying either then? You said you felt exploited by working for the NHS, had arsehole patients, had to deal with body fluids and worked long hours yet you know someone who didn’t feel exploited being a Dom and they got paid loads and retired at 40. So I ask again- why didn’t you become a Dom after talking to her if it’s no more exploitative than working for the NHS? You could have done it too, yet you didn’t. Why is that?

@Thelnebriati It's the bloke wearing the schoolgirl outfit, not the Dominatrix. Some men really get off on the idea of women having so much power over them. If they dress as a schoolgirl, and pretend they are one, it makes them feel they have even less power psychologically.

It tends to be men who have very responsible, high pressure jobs, where they have to be in charge and capable all the time, that tend to see Dommes. They want to give up their power and control sexually as they can't in other areas of life.

That's why the risk of rape is so low. Being dominated is about wanting to give up control. Rape is about seeking control. Polar opposites.

I'm still baffled at a dom wearing a schoolgirl outfit.

Jesus wept. Not the Dom wearing the outfit, but the clients. Some of them liked to wear a schoolgirl outfit, get told off, caned, put in a cupboard etc.

And no, I’m not naive believing she got paid what she did for the services she offered. You are extremely naive if you think people like politicians and high court judges won’t pay an absolute shitload for what is essentially hush money to someone so they can indulge their love of dressing up like a schoolgirl and being caned or having someone wee on their face. Weirdly a lot of high profile people have weird fetishes. They are willing to pay a lot to indulge their fetishes while keeping them private from the public or their careers and social standing goes down the toilet.

I find Domming to be great fun, but have only ever done it for free in a relationship. I absolutely would do it for pay though.

SirChing so much of that is wrong, I can’t even be bothered going through it. I’d say though - with an attitude of ‘if they don’t like my boundaries they can go elsewhere’, you’ll never get that property portfolio and retire at 40 like Pavlova’s friend.

@HoppingPavlova You are 100% correct. Totally agree with you. I am also ex NHS and utterly agree with the parallels that you draw, too.

You guys should totally become professional Dom’s then! Why wouldn’t you? It’s easy money after all - go for it!

HoppingPavlova OK I've read your posts, did you read the links I posted upthread?

You also said earlier you wouldn’t do it for pay.

Men wearing school girl outfits to give up control. Wowsers. What a misogynistic world we live in. Dont even get me started on the pervs that dress up in diapers and baby grows for sexual pleasure.

YABVU OP. Most prostitutes were abused as children. Sex paid for with money is not true consent. Prostitution is inherently exploitative of women and puts a price on women's bodies- the poorest women in our society. You are wrong in your view.

@Pumperthepumper Ha at the "you're wrong but I am not telling you how"

All.Dommes have things that they won't do. They refer clients to each other if they can't meet their needs. I can assure you that there are enough men out there wanting Domme services that it's very lucrative regardless of the boundaries of the Domme.

Domination is a particularly soul destroying activity because it’s an absolute reverse of what it pretends to be.

The Domme has absolutely no power in real terms, she’s at the mercy of her submissive’s whims, wants and ability to pay.
After the session is over he goes back to real power (the kind of job that allows you to blow £300 on a posh wank) and she’s left wiping the semen off the dungeon floor with a vileda super mop.
That’s not power. It’s a theatrical pretend-power game.

He can do this as long as he has money, she’ll inevitably lose her appeal as she ages or when his eye is turned by new merchandise to buy.

Plus, the whole ‘he doesn’t get to touch you’ is just as much a myth as any of the other bullshit you hear about so called ‘high class’ prostitution. Submissives request stuff like you pissing and shitting on them and then ‘ordering’ them to use their tongue as your toilet paper 😂

There is something particularly unlikeable about the subby men, probably something to do with the dishonesty of the whole nasty charade. Urgh.

Ain’t no one buying a property profile through cash in hand work either, no matter how
much it pays per hour. Conveyancing solicitors have to report signs of illegal activity or suspected money laundering. You can’t buy property with cash in a suitcase.