Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

665 replies

Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 11:40

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 05/02/2020 19:54

Hihothedairyo
Thelnebriati no thanks, I'm not a prostitute, I haven't made that choice for myself. Nice try though

I was trying to get you to have some empathy for prostituted women.

Frownette · 05/02/2020 20:00

Why would you let multiple men empty their balls into you for cash?

I think everyone has empathy with prostitutes and worry about the ones who ended up there due to adverse situations.

FloraGreysteel · 05/02/2020 20:06

This is interesting reading: www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/pdfplus/10.1086/695670

yabadabadontdoit · 05/02/2020 20:07

Thank you for replying to my personal question.
So somewhere along the way life went wrong and you ended up homeless with a tiny baby. I can only imagine how horrendous that was. You got a place to stay for that night through the council. What if you hadn’t known to go to the council? What if they hadn’t had a room? Your ex turned out to be abusive, what if part of that abuse had been to force you into sex with his friends? Can you see how easily you could have been in the position of these girls?
Then imagine you’re 14, in care, abused by a carer or a boyfriend, maybe introduced to drugs. Or an older boy comes along and promises you the world, u jump at the chance. But the world turns out to be prostituting you, and beating you up or imprisoning you if you refuse. The. You’re stuck.
Please don’t think they have a choice, please just be grateful that you, despite being in a desperate place, got that place to stay, and escaped that abusive man.

IfNot · 05/02/2020 20:08

It's so clear to me that most (if not all) the stories on here about the "friend" who is the mythical "high class escort happily doing it for easy cash" are the very same men who go to prostitutes.
I bet they also know lots of girls who strip to "pay their way through college"

dottiedodah · 05/02/2020 20:08

I really get annoyed at shit like this .Ask yourself if your "mate" who had been seeing a prostitute ,would feel if this girl was his daughter doing it with a future punter some time in the future?! Or his Sister who had fallen on hard times ,and didnt want to ask family for help?.Maybe he might change his misogynistic mind then! How would he feel if one of them had been beaten to a pulp, or forced to engage in a violent rough Sex game ? Prostitution is all about fulfilling the mans needs !

IfNot · 05/02/2020 20:09

are from the very same men

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 20:12

@IfNot Yup. It's not even subtle.

Pumperthepumper · 05/02/2020 20:12

IfNot I love those ones. Always a stunning girl, always a high-class, always earning thousands per client, always has a highly-educated background and/or profession but has chosen to be a prostitute, always the ‘friend of a friend’. It’s like this perfect little bullshit script, it writes itself.

dottiedodah · 05/02/2020 20:14

No thought for women and their safety or self esteem .What really winds me up is "The Sex Industry! WTAF is that! Also when prostitution was being debated about making it legal ! Again these people debating have DC at Uni /well educated ,Unlikely to be entering the flesh trade !

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 20:14

@Pumperthepumper With no acknowledgement of any request to reflect on the vast swathes of prostitutes having endured sexual abuse as minors

NearlyGranny · 05/02/2020 20:16

Or, Storm11111, you assume that e ery woman (I note you're not including men in your assertion) has her price; some merely set it higher than others: ergo we are all prostitutes, whether we acknowledge it or not.

And you presume to tell us you know what we are thinking.

If you genuinely can't see how offensive that is, I can't help you.

I could countenance offering my body up to a repulsive (or any) stranger in order to spare a child (my own or anyone's) from rape, if the situation arose, but not for mere money, however large the amount.

There are those who know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 20:16

I guess men who use prostitutes (and their apologists) dont want to see themselves as basically being rapists...
cognitive dissonance at its finest.

Russellbrandshair · 05/02/2020 20:17

Men who go to prostitutes are scum. No argument about it. They have no way of knowing if the woman has been coerced into it and that industry thrives on the abuse and enslavery of women. As someone upthread points out- if prostitution is so “harmless” or benign then why do no fathers suggest it as a career to their daughters?!

MostTacticalNameChange · 05/02/2020 20:19

I'm sorry if this has been covered but it rarely is in these discussions: Health and Safety.

If this is a job like any other then how on earth is H&S so disregarded. Condoms are completely flawed (and there is high demand for use without) exchange of bodily fluids, repetitive strain, the very real bruising and chafing that comes with frequent sex not to mention the exceptional risk of violence, abuse, pregnancy and murder.

There is no safe way to validate sex as a
job from a HSE perspective. It is far, far too risky.

I worked is a laboratory with category one, mainly inert bacteria. The PPE, checks and balances and training was intense. I also worked in care and there was lots of training, manual handling and rules about being alone with clients.

This is not even touching on mental health issues. I now work in the public sector and we are regularly checked for stress etc. And I just type on a computer all day, don't fuck multiple strangers.

To be safe as a sex worker you would need extensive training, psychological evaluation, hr support, multiple forums of ppe (full body suit), never being alone with a client and client registering and screening. Put those things in place and then we can go over morality. (And that would still be a no from me).

The only way to get around HSE laws and best practice is to use self employed (to an extent) or illegal workers. And if you care so little about the people you are paying to fuck that you look for ways to get around their physical and mental care, then fuck you- you are wrong.

Women will never be equal while men know prostitution is out there. Using money to bypass another human's well being? Fuck off.

Sex is different to flipping burgers. Of course it fucking is. At least you'll get gloves and a pension as a burger flipper (oh, and no diseased prick shoved up your arse!).

ScreamingLadySutch · 05/02/2020 20:19

If lack of relating is not a thing for them,

why don't they just use a silicone vagina?

Frownette · 05/02/2020 20:21

I asked a friend who had visited prostitutes why, and he said it was about control.

SirChing · 05/02/2020 20:21

Its weird, but my feelings about this aren't simple. On the one hand I am a caring person, an ex nurse, and wouldn't have a problem providing sex for disabled people. It would seem in some ways to be providing care for them, and I wouldn't mind too much them accessing my body if it made them so happy.

But then I wouldn't want paying for it, as I don't like the idea of being "for sale". But I also wouldn't do it for free as being blunt, what's in it for me? Also the costs of getting there etc. Risks of STIs etc.

I have always said that I would rather sleep.witj Nigel Farage for free, rather than Brad Pitt for 50.million. Because I wont be bought.

BUT I would perform dominatrix services in a heartbeat, with no touching of me allowed. Nor would I provide hand jobs etc. But whipping someone for £300 an hour or whatever? Yup! I have no problem with that. Is that prostitution? I dunno?

SummersMahoosiveClipOnFringe · 05/02/2020 20:24

They always have the option to have a wank - there is absolutely no excuse to abuse another person in this manner.

user4369621 · 05/02/2020 20:25

Most of us have mortgages.

Are we not whoring ourselves out to pay our financial masters so that we can have a roof over our heads?

Do we not dance to our boss / the governments tune each day of our lives?

But all the time we convince ourselves we are free and making our own choices.

Pumperthepumper · 05/02/2020 20:26

SirChing I don’t want to sound like I’m taking the piss but I’m genuinely interested - why don’t you do it then? Why not set up as a dominatrix for £300 an hour?

Pumperthepumper · 05/02/2020 20:26

Sorry, missed a bit of the end - what is it that stops you?

Russellbrandshair · 05/02/2020 20:27

Women will never be equal while men know prostitution is out there. Using money to bypass another human's well being? Fuck off.

Totally agree. Plus, how on earth could anyone enjoy sex or get turned on knowing that their sexual partner is only doing it for cash, that if they met in other circumstances they’d never in a million years sleep with them. It takes a certain kind of wankstain to be able to overlook that and still get turned on anyway, knowing your partner isn’t enjoying it. Seriously- what kind of mysogynistic psyche is able to do this? It’s horrifying

ScreamingLadySutch · 05/02/2020 20:28

I remember having a drunken debate when we were young (newly married).

About how using prostitutes was fine.

When we (the young wives) said, 'OK, that is fine, WE will set ourselves up to be prostitutes' ...

No, no, no, no. Not just no, ANATHEMA.

I was looking at the male split for the first time, but had no idea what I was looking at.

Frankola · 05/02/2020 20:29

Do you know that many of these women in real life have a substance abuse issue and are doing it to fund that?!

They are literally allowing someone to have sex with them because they are desperate to fund a drug habit.

Lots of THOSE women have drug abuse issues because they are dealing with something traumatic from their past, such as child abuse or domestic abuse.

Prostitutes are often some of the most vulnerable people in society. Quite the opposite to many shows that glamourise it.

Men taking advantage of that? No. Sorry. Scumbags...