Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

665 replies

Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 11:40

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 19:19

Thelnebriati no thanks, I'm not a prostitute, I haven't made that choice for myself. Nice try though

OP posts:
brieislife · 05/02/2020 19:19

Thats not comparable to having to sleep with 20 random men every night, it it.

In the theoretical world I was talking about there wouldn’t be a ‘have to’. Assuming prostitutes would be self-employed, they could choose the number of jobs per night,
much as taxi drivers do.

Pumperthepumper · 05/02/2020 19:21

What choices did you make to become homeless with a tiny baby?

yabadabadontdoit · 05/02/2020 19:23

So when you were homeless what help did you get to get to where you are now? I’m curious, not judging at all.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 19:23

Pumperthepumper mind your own business, and stop trying to antagonise me. As I said, I'm done speaking to you.

OP posts:
gypsywater · 05/02/2020 19:25

Done speaking to her, yet keep speaking to her. You're a joke.

Pumperthepumper · 05/02/2020 19:25

At least you had the choice though, hey? Were you in a different, less generous, country then? Or was this the one that gives out free money so you don’t have to have a shit life?

Elieza · 05/02/2020 19:27

I have a friend whose friend from school is now about 32 years old and has a part time day job in an office. She is also a high class hooker and she asked the school friend if she wanted to join her.

The pay is apparently £1000 a night. The clients are rich men who are happy to go to the young woman’s fancy flat in a posh area.

She is apparently fit and healthy, dresses really well in designer clothing, is stunningly beautiful, drives a fancy car and nobody has sussed how the quiet little office worker is so rich. They don’t know it’s not from her family and presumably they think mum and dad are rich, as the line of day job she is in doesn’t pull in much cash.

Nobody knows the truth except the school friend.

I promise you this is the truth. There is no husband or children. There is no being forced, it’s a lifestyle choice.

I don’t know what website they advertise on or any other details but if she wants to bring in extra money by selling her body it’s up to her.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 19:29

yabadabadontdoit not much to be fair, I sat in the council office one day when the baby was around 2 weeks old and just started bawling crying as I was recovering from a c section, my baby was sleeping in his buggy, I litreally had nowhere to go that night and the woman behind the desk basically just shrugged her shoulders. When I started crying she handed me a number to call to get somewhere for just me and the baby that night, not my partner at the time.

My partner ended up getting us a place a few weeks later through a friend, a rented place on homeless hap. I'm still here now, although not with that particular man anymore, as I said earlier on, he turned around and bet the shite out of me when the baby was 5 months old. We're in a much better place now thankfully.

OP posts:
NameChange84 · 05/02/2020 19:30

Considering you have been in that position then, it’s especially sad that you have so little empathy to the point of denying or shooting down any suggestion that not everyone does have a choice.

Whether you choose to accept it or not...not every woman or man has had the choice. There is NOT always another option. For some people it really is the only option.

You are turning quite nasty now and I really am done with you because I don’t believe you do want to be educated or gain any insight into the truth and I’ve got more to do with my time than waste in on someone so narrow minded.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 19:31

gypsywater aren't you a lovely little keyboard warrior? Feel better now do you? Bye now 🖐️

OP posts:
OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg · 05/02/2020 19:32

OP, you sound well-educated, literate and able to find your way round the internet, probably able to interact with the agencies who can help you climb out of homelessness and navigate benefit systems which - in the UK at least - are made deliberately labyrinthine and off-putting. You’ve also obviously been able to avoid gaining a criminal record, given your line of work.

Do you have the empathy and imagination to understand that other women may not have your ability to string a sentence together, to express themselves in a way that makes them attractive to an employer? That their experiences of abuse may have made them distrustful of authority? That they may struggle with literacy - English may not be their first language in many cases - and find the process of claiming benefits daunting? That they may have been trafficked into the sex trade before they reached the age of consent and might already have a criminal conviction for soliciting or similar which will exclude them from the majority of even low-paid unskilled jobs?

Can you understand that even though you’ve had a tough life wading through plenty of shit, you’ve still got some advantages compared to many women, and just because you weren’t forced to resort to prostitution doesn’t mean other women in shitty situations have the same advantages to help them avoid it?

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 19:33

@Hihothedairyo you're answering to me now too? Yeah I feel loads better now you little biter Grin

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 19:33

You're too much fun OP Grin

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 19:34

@OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg....she really does not care about these things...

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 19:37

OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg yes I can understand that, and thank you for wording it in a way that is actually educational and not just trying to shit on me as a person. I've litreally said countless times in this thread that I understand and sympathise with their reasonings, yet people are choosing to overlook that and just keep going, just for the sake of having a go. I'm honestly over it now at this point.

OP posts:
mumsie2019 · 05/02/2020 19:38

Drinkygin
How about how some people use tinder for sex and the many married men..
this maybe "free" providing they don't have to have any dating costs.
I am told many go to a prostitute just to talk to a woman as well as not having sex.

LochJessMonster · 05/02/2020 19:38

I agree with you op. If both parties are willing and no ones cheating then I don’t see the problem.

There was a AMA thread with a prostitute who does it because, yes she needsthe money (like we all do) but would rather be a prostitute than a cleaner. Her choice.

Frownette · 05/02/2020 19:38

I'm not selling my body

BlimeyCalmDown · 05/02/2020 19:41

Only read half the thread, can't read read the whole thread it makes me want to vomit. Just wanted to came on to say YABVFU and naive to still not have your mind changed 1/2 way through, you are vile by association IMV.

OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg · 05/02/2020 19:44

So OP, can you see now that for some women, women in the types of situation I’ve just described and others, the “choice” isn’t really a choice at all?

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 19:47

OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg I can see why they make that choice, and I can see why it's the best choice for them at the time.

OP posts:
Frownette · 05/02/2020 19:47

To be honest, the only men I've known who have visited prostitutes have something 'off' about them, emotionally stunted and start to view all women in the same light.

They're all single now.

LittleSweet · 05/02/2020 19:49

Winesalot I wasn't offended. I'm trying to understand what I think about it. I think if prostitution was in a 'therapy' situation there would be workers rights and law protected them. But that won't happen.

OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg · 05/02/2020 19:50

I think “best choice” is more like “only choice” in too many cases, but thank you for not being completely rigid in your thinking, OP.