To pay my mother in law to look after DC's fulltime?

[swimmingpoolshower]

I'm considering going back to study a full time uni course with placements next Autumn. I'm currently part time so able to do most pick ups and drop offs to school and preschool. I cannot see how I can work around this when I could be on placements, as they can be up to ten miles away and long shifts. My DP's job is very inflexible and long hours.
The only option I can think of is asking my mother in law to quit her job and to stay at ours in the week to help. She has suggested this in the past but I had to explain that I currently wouldn't be able to afford it. She currently works 8.30-3.30 Monday to Friday in a school office, and she hates her job. I think I'd reimburse her around £600 per month, which is possibly less than she earns now. I know she needs to work and they are looking at moving next year so her wages are being counted towards the new mortgage (less than £20,000 but still.) She told me she'd love to retire now but that she can't afford to quit.
My concerns are she is quite unwell (diabetes, asthma, immunity problems) and she might find the school run tiring (who doesn't!) Even though it's only a very short walk, it's the getting two kids out the door at a certain time and then there's the scooters, cars, running! I worry it will tire her out and she'll get quite stressed.
My other (selfish) concern is that she doesn't 'do' much with the children so they would be watching telly from 3-6.30 with no homework, reading, park trips, swimming etc. She doesn't drive and wouldn't get the bus with them so it would be home and then they'd be bored and mischievous. She also feeds them loads of rubbish food and I feel I would have to be strict with that, which might cause tension. On Saturday in two hours she gave them a punnet of blueberries, four satsumas, a choc ice, a bag of popcorn, a fruit shoot and two bags of sweets. They were high from sugar all night long!
It would be a very sensitive subject to breach as an obviously she would be doing me a massive favour if she did agree. Yet I would also want to have some input into the routine. Also what would happen after I graduated? Would she find work again for the two years before retirement? Has anyone done similar? Did it work out?

It’s a have your cake and eat it scenario.

You want a huge discount on childcare costs (because she’s family) and you want a situation in which you can control how the discounted caregiver provides that care (because she’s working for you). In all likelihood it’ll strain the familial relationship and the kids will suffer.

I’ve sympathy given the cost of childcare but it’s not her fault that you and your DH can’t work this out between you.

@MarthasGinYard I’m guessing she’s going back to retrain - I did the same thing (though not social work).

@MarthasGinYard yes I have a degree; I want to do a masters. It's not that difficult to understand.

Looking at it purely from your own point of view, you have so many concerns about her suitability for the role, you don't actually need anyone else's opinion because you already know what the answer is ! If she finishes work at 3:30 and would be able and interested in helping out occasionally after school for a fair hourly rate, that might be a workable compromise.

I don’t think it’s crazy to ask her to look after your kids 3 days a week after school. You can only ask!! My lovely parents have offered to do that for free for 2 days a week. My grandad used to look after my brother and I after school and I know my mum gave him some cash for it. He was retired by then though. And my DH and his siblings used to go to his grans house for his tea several nights a week after school.

I’d probably put them in breakfast club or whatever on a morning if you or DH can’t drop them off, so she just has to pick them up from school. And presumably they will be at your house, so leave the food out for them. It’s a shame she won’t take them to any activities, but they’ve been at school all day, they need chill time too. DH can take them swimming on his day off

No. You need to look after your children yourself

I'd still like to know how her not driving and being unable to take the kids to the park, means they won't be doing any homework or reading and will end up watching TV for 3.5 hours

See this is what I don't understand about Mumsnet. A few months ago I posted that I was depressed and tired of working two minimum wage jobs just to get by. Lots of people posted about retraining and the ever so helpful 'get a better paying job.' I've had two interviews since then and I didn't get either of them, both candidates had five plus years more experience in the role than I had. The only way I can see of being able to get a job which pays enough for me to get by is by doing some sort of further education such as social work or an HR degree which would lead to a career and guaranteed living wage.
Yet when you post about these things to try to get genuine help, everyone tells you that you should wait till the kids are older, or 'look after your own children' I don't understand how you ever expect people to become the 'net contributors' you so very much want everyone to be if you don't give them guidance on further training or career development?

@WorraLiberty she struggled with

What is your current degree

Thinking of things to do with them, she just lets them watch television all day. I think it's a bit of a tradition in their house as the tv is always on, even on a hot Saturday afternoon you'll find them all inside watching repeats of the Chase.
I suppose it's because they're my kids but I get in and won't put the tv on, I'll set the paints up or start playing board games. We sit round the table and have a snack and tell eachother about our days. If it's sunny we go to the park or walk in the woods if it's rainy. My MIL lacks the confidence to say to the dc's 'right we're doing this now, not playing on the tablet, it's this or nothing.'

@MarthasGinYard English literature. My grammar and correct punctuation skills have gone downhill since then.

OK so it still begs the question why you want your children looked after by an unwell woman, who will do absolutely nothing with them and they'll be fed nothing but crap and rubbish?

I think I know the answer but it's not exactly putting the kids best interests first, is it?

@WorraLiberty I know. I can't see a way around it. My placement could be anywhere in the Southwest. Most childminders only have your kids till 5.30 max. They're very very in demand in Bristol so can charge £7 upwards, £10 per hour after 6. I can't afford that whilst I'm a student, especially for two children. My dp can't drop his hours whilst I'm a student as we won't have enough as it is. He also works the other side of town. I can't see another way to make it work.

Some childminders can offer different hours to those advertised. Mine takes my daughter before her advertised start time.

Come on OP, have you not been on MN long? Everyone can just give up their jobs and retrain. Or better yet, just earn more with no training 😂
Meanwhile in the real world, things don't work out like that at all.

If you have a spare room and a spare £600 pm then an au pair could work?

We have this arrangement. Works well. You do have to do everything properly though, with pensions and contracts and taxes.

Not a good idea

If you have a spare room and a spare £600 pm then an au pair could work?

People always suggest an au pair as an answer to childcare. Au pairs are not childminders/nannys!

Yeah but then the op will be accused of exploiting the au pair by the oddball, hysterical frothers on here. 💁🏻‍♀️

I don't see an issue with what you have planned op, £150 per week for what amounts to 3 hours of childcare 3 times a week sounds fine to me.......vegging in front of the TV isn't ideal but it won't kill them. And looking back was pretty normal when we were kids and parents were less involved.