To pay my mother in law to look after DC's fulltime?

[swimmingpoolshower]

I'm considering going back to study a full time uni course with placements next Autumn. I'm currently part time so able to do most pick ups and drop offs to school and preschool. I cannot see how I can work around this when I could be on placements, as they can be up to ten miles away and long shifts. My DP's job is very inflexible and long hours.
The only option I can think of is asking my mother in law to quit her job and to stay at ours in the week to help. She has suggested this in the past but I had to explain that I currently wouldn't be able to afford it. She currently works 8.30-3.30 Monday to Friday in a school office, and she hates her job. I think I'd reimburse her around £600 per month, which is possibly less than she earns now. I know she needs to work and they are looking at moving next year so her wages are being counted towards the new mortgage (less than £20,000 but still.) She told me she'd love to retire now but that she can't afford to quit.
My concerns are she is quite unwell (diabetes, asthma, immunity problems) and she might find the school run tiring (who doesn't!) Even though it's only a very short walk, it's the getting two kids out the door at a certain time and then there's the scooters, cars, running! I worry it will tire her out and she'll get quite stressed.
My other (selfish) concern is that she doesn't 'do' much with the children so they would be watching telly from 3-6.30 with no homework, reading, park trips, swimming etc. She doesn't drive and wouldn't get the bus with them so it would be home and then they'd be bored and mischievous. She also feeds them loads of rubbish food and I feel I would have to be strict with that, which might cause tension. On Saturday in two hours she gave them a punnet of blueberries, four satsumas, a choc ice, a bag of popcorn, a fruit shoot and two bags of sweets. They were high from sugar all night long!
It would be a very sensitive subject to breach as an obviously she would be doing me a massive favour if she did agree. Yet I would also want to have some input into the routine. Also what would happen after I graduated? Would she find work again for the two years before retirement? Has anyone done similar? Did it work out?

She has suggested this in the past but I had to explain that I currently wouldn't be able to afford it. She currently works 8.30-3.30 Monday to Friday in a school office, and she hates her job. I think I'd reimburse her around £600 per month, which is possibly less than she earns now.

Yes, she has suggested it in the past but it seems she is expecting to be paid properly, given that op told her she couldn't afford it.

Op do not take advantage of your MIL in this way. It can only end in tears.

Are both your children at school? If so could they go to Breakfast Club and then After School Club, if you can't pick them after that (mine closes at 6pm) perhaps DP or MIL could collect them after that. They could also go to Holiday Club during the holidays.

If you have a spare room an au pair could be a better solution. You still need a plan to cover sickness, in service days etc.

She'd be crazy to do it.

You aren't concerned about her health you expect a bargain children's entertainer for 600 quid a month

You sound so selfish even thinking about asking your MIL to do that and it would be completely unfair on the children too if you know she wouldn't do anything with them.

Sometimes you have to put things off until your children or older or pay for proper childcare.

This is a terrible idea and will end in a row. Pay for your childcare by professionals. Her health isnt up to it and you cant pay her enough and there is no back up. You will be too critical of her care. Nope just dont do it

Hahaha if I was MIL I'd tell you to give your head a wobble and get to fuck

What a truly insulting offer to someone you seem to resent

'My PIL now are comfortable after paying off the mortgage. They still don't 'do' an awful lot, if we don't invite them somewhere they will generally just potter all weekend. That would drive me barmy. '

Is this the MIL you are on about?

Thought you'd already finished uni

As you considered yourself perhaps 'middle class' because of it.

This can’t be serious, surely no one is this much of a CF 🤣🤣

I'd agree with all above that say find an alternative. From the things you disagree with about how she looks after them now you're going to have an uphill struggle, then if you decide to part ways she's got no job and that'll be all on you. Childcare is so expensive but as school goes on it gets cheaper

It’s a ridiculous idea.

I’m also pretty sure it’s not legal for her to take payment to care for your children, unless she’s a registered childminder. That certainly used to be the law anyway.

She sounds exactly the same as my mil, in terms of health. She helped us out massively when I returned to work, she had our dd’s (aged 1 & 2, until they started pre-school) twice per week, Monday 9am-11.30am, Tuesday 9am-10am.

I worked two days and husband worked shifts.

Honestly I don’t think it would have been fair on her or our dd’s for any longer hours...

She didn’t give up a wage to do it either.

Ps. She also fed them absolute rubbish for those 3.5hrs - Best part of their week

There is not one part of this which is a good idea.

I have twins, my health is shitty. Some days are absolutely bloody brutal and if I didn’t absolutely have to take care of two small children on those days, I certainly wouldn’t do it, and especially not for about £30 a day!

OP DID say her MIL suggested looking over her children, lots of posters seem to have missed that.
The money you're thinking about offering her is pretty low. She wouldn't be giving up her full time wage for that obviously and I wouldn't even mention that amount to her.
Please look at a qualified childminder, it's a more flexible option than before/after school club and mine used to have a 'back-up' person when she was ill. Since you have certain expectations about their diet and worry if she could manage (I'd be the same) keeping them safe, professional childcare seems the best option.

Is this a joke?
Please let it be a joke.
Otherwise you are taking the absolute piss out of your MIL to even be thinking of doing this!

Ridiculous. You’re being very selfish.

Why won't a childminder work if it's just the school run you need covering?

You need to re-think, and if your MIL is struggling why on earth do you think she would take something and earn even less. Any why would you even suggest that. She's mentioned it in passing, she doesn't mean it so please don't insult her by asking. It's a terrible idea.

YABU, OP.

Not sure what the cries are all about. Plenty of people in real life are CF like this.

My neighbour is a lovely woman, but I am open mouthed about the fact her elderly mum arrives at 8am, does AM and PM school run for 3 kids, and stays there till nearly 7pm... I've seen this granny up a ladder cleaning windows and doing daughters housework while she's at work and kids at school. have to admit partly I'm jealous too!!

OP, your plan is a bad one. Rethink.

I'm sure £600 would be less than half what she earns now with those hours and she won't get pension contributions. Also if you pay someone to look after your child I thought they had to be ofstead registered child minders but I might be wrong. With all those health concerns she will probably find looking after a baby exhausting and is likely to have days where she can't do it. It's got problems written all over it. I. Would wait to study, or study part time or pay for proper childcare.

It's not going to work. Financially, you're not going to pay enough for her to get the mortgage. And, on every other level, your attitude is so UR, I can't quite believe you're serious eg your attitude to what she will do with them, feed them, trying to micro-manage everything. Either you are there and look after your DCs or you entrust their care to someone else. You don't and can't decide not to be there but try to micro-manage whoever is there. This would be a disaster for family relations. It sounds as though you either need to pay for a nanny, get an au pair or stay part-time.

@StillCounting123 my grandmother couldn't have managed my kids all day every day but she loved having them occasionally for a few hours. However very much like the lady in your post it was not unusual to find her up a ladder cleaning her windows. She had a son and daughter plus their respective spouses and 5 grown up gcs and spouses and was still so independent and refusng of help that I once found her replacing a tile on her extension roof at the ripe age of 86.

I don't think it's legal to pay someone to do childcare unless they are Ofsted registered anyway. I am sure I read that on this site more than once.

I know many seem to want to blame the Op's DH but I think should get past the usual bias and think whats being asked.
She wll need to quit her job and extra cash will be need for studying and travel ,He is being asked to either quit his job and find something else or request to change his hours to half days. This will inevitable mean less job security and more than halving off income and an increasing in costs
How is this shortfall going to be made up??
I hate the assumption that work is an excuse used by men to not take on their responsibilities at home. Most of the men I know ( my DP included) would love to swap roles, but a certain income is required and who ever is able to get this (or more) has to do it.
The situation is about the good of the family and not of one individual.
My view is that in this case the best option is for the OP is to hold fire for a few years, the kids will be older and hopefully more responsibility and the MIL will be retired and more available.
Maybe do night classes in subjects that will help in the meantime.

Oh and half term would be 55 hours a week, still for £150 so a whopping £2.73 per hour...

A lot of harsh responses there OP.
I definitely think a childminder is the way forward as they can do school runs. Or foes your school gave wrap around care? My daughters school club is open from 7.45am and includes breakfast and is open til 6.30pm and gives them tea.