To pay my mother in law to look after DC's fulltime?

[swimmingpoolshower]

I'm considering going back to study a full time uni course with placements next Autumn. I'm currently part time so able to do most pick ups and drop offs to school and preschool. I cannot see how I can work around this when I could be on placements, as they can be up to ten miles away and long shifts. My DP's job is very inflexible and long hours.
The only option I can think of is asking my mother in law to quit her job and to stay at ours in the week to help. She has suggested this in the past but I had to explain that I currently wouldn't be able to afford it. She currently works 8.30-3.30 Monday to Friday in a school office, and she hates her job. I think I'd reimburse her around £600 per month, which is possibly less than she earns now. I know she needs to work and they are looking at moving next year so her wages are being counted towards the new mortgage (less than £20,000 but still.) She told me she'd love to retire now but that she can't afford to quit.
My concerns are she is quite unwell (diabetes, asthma, immunity problems) and she might find the school run tiring (who doesn't!) Even though it's only a very short walk, it's the getting two kids out the door at a certain time and then there's the scooters, cars, running! I worry it will tire her out and she'll get quite stressed.
My other (selfish) concern is that she doesn't 'do' much with the children so they would be watching telly from 3-6.30 with no homework, reading, park trips, swimming etc. She doesn't drive and wouldn't get the bus with them so it would be home and then they'd be bored and mischievous. She also feeds them loads of rubbish food and I feel I would have to be strict with that, which might cause tension. On Saturday in two hours she gave them a punnet of blueberries, four satsumas, a choc ice, a bag of popcorn, a fruit shoot and two bags of sweets. They were high from sugar all night long!
It would be a very sensitive subject to breach as an obviously she would be doing me a massive favour if she did agree. Yet I would also want to have some input into the routine. Also what would happen after I graduated? Would she find work again for the two years before retirement? Has anyone done similar? Did it work out?

The solution to needing to retrain shouldn’t be to exploit another, poorer and older female family member though, as much as retraining is an important goal.

My reading of the op was that it was the mil who initially suggested this?

I think it’s a terrible idea for everyone and it sounds to me that your mil is imagining it as retirement, but not grasping the amount of work and stress involved.

The problem, as I see it, is how you’re going to explain why you’re not taking her up on her offer. But honestly, it’s a terrible idea all round. Don’t do it!

DP's job is very inflexible and long hours

So is looking after HIS children. What is his suggestion?

So let's say, for the sake of argument, you want her to work for you from 7.30-9.30 and then again from 2.30-6.30, 5 days a week. That's 30 hours a week for which you want to pay her £150, so £5 per hour. The absolute minimum she'll be earning in her job for the same number of hours would be £246, assuming she's on NMW. I think you need to look at your sums, at the very least.

FFS!

Just get proper childcare!

Wow. Echoing other PP this is a completely unreasonable idea.

You're already unhappy about the idea, if you go ahead with it you'll feel even more entitled to "be strict" and "have input" because you're paying her (albeit fuck all), despite the fact that when someone does you what is essentially a massive favour the tacit rule is that you don't get to micromanage.

This scenario will cause you to fall out. Don't do it.

Do you have any thoughts on the replies so far OP?

No, no, no. You have listed many of the reasons it is likely to fail yourself.

Au pair?

It's just not viable on any level. Either put your course off, find a way to do it part time, or make other childminding arrangements.

I can't see anything in it for her tbh, why would she .... have you looked into childminders, breakfast clubs etc

So your MIL isn’t in the best of health but you want her to start work at 7.30 and finish after 6 all week but she can’t let them watch TV .....
give up her secure job with holidays , sick leave and pension ........

I think your real issue with your husband and his job, that’s not your MILs fault

Sorry OP, I also think this would be a bad idea for all the reasons PP have mentioned above (MIL's pension, NI contributions, sick pay, mortgage application, difference between your parenting styles, energy levels of children V energy level of your MIL, MIL' desire to retire soon V lower wages you are offering, diet/feeding, routines, outdoor time, what you/she would do/how you/she would feel if the other person wanted to end the arrangement before the other one was ready etc etc etc).

Does the school offer any wraparound care (breakfast club, sports clubs, homework clubs)? Or could you look into an au pair or childminder? Do you have any neighbours you could alternate the school run with? Do you have to study full time or could you do the course part time or via home study? Do you have to do it now or could you wait until your MIL retires and has more time to help with the children without it being a financial exchange?

They were high from sugar all night long!

They weren't, unless they have some serious health issues.

Our bodies produce insulin which regulates our blood sugar. They may have been high on excitement all night but it won't have been from sugar.

Craaaaaazy

Wow! You want to pay shit money and have high expectations. Have a word with yourself!

No. But even though his job is inflexible, your DH needs to help you think of ways around the childcare issue, if your course will benefit the family and afterall he is only able to work as you have adapted your job to suit the children; it's his responsibility as well.

It's amazing how many husbands have completely 'inflexible' jobs when the subject of childcare is raised hmm

This a billion times over.

Also, you know already - or you probably realised it after you wrote it out here - that what you are suggesting isn't feasible either for your MIL or for you as a family.

She is unwell and would get stressed out and if she bailed on you she would find herself out of a "job" because you wouldn't hardly be paying her sick pay the way her current role would, and you would be screwed.

You need an au pair.

If you haven't got a house big enough for an au pair you honestly need to plan to GET a house big enough for an au pair and THEN get one, and put your plan into action. Otherwise what you are suggesting isn't physically possible.

Your £600 a month would presumably feed and pay the au pair, or close enough.

It's not going to work for the reasons you have identified.

Are people still missing the point that MIL SUGGESTED THIS?

It's still a terrible idea, but I'm not sure why OP is getting such a battering.

Get a nanny or a childminder, unless you are proposing to pay her below market rate in which case you are being absolutely ridiculous anyway.

The way you talk about your mil is horrible. She is not a commodity. No, absolutely do not do this.

Funniest thread on MN in ages!!!

@saraclara MIL suggested it probably thinking she would get paid the same and was more likely than not, unaware that OP thought she was shit at minding the kids. OP already told her she could not afford it but now has decided that needs must and MIL will "have to do".

It’s not going to work OP. Don’t think your MIL has thought it through and it would be a nightmare for you causing you anxiety as the way she does things isn’t your way.

Very occasionally like twice a year my mum will look after mine overnight at our house. When we come back I know she’s bought them toys - sweets - chocs - likely she hasn’t taken them out and they’ve watched loads of TV. But it’s twice a year and I don’t say anything but I can imagine if it was happening everyday I would - which is why it’s always better I think to take child care externally!

This is ridiculous.
You expect someone to give u a job with benefits to work longer hours for less? Never mind all her health problems which no doubt could be exacerbated by working full time. What happens if one of her health issues really flares up and suddenly she cant do it? She shouldnt even be asked in the first place. She has a job, your suggestion isnt a job which will do anything for her.

You don't like the way she does things but you are prepared to allow her the privilege of taking care of your kids for peanuts if she does as you say?😂😂😂

They will not get a mortgage based on you giving her money to child care she would be mad to even consider doing it.

Look into childcare schemes your oh may be able to get vouchers through his work, uni may have schemes etc.
Get before and after school care sorted with a child minder or school club's. You deciding to study is your choice its not your mils job to facilitate it.
Have you considered the OU? Or maybe wait till you have less childcare needs to fill?
Or maybe even....dum dum duuuuum....your dh could step up.and parent his own kids now and again. Nobody is indispensable at work no matter how much they think they are. You could work childcare drops offs between you.

If not, how about a trusted friend, neighbour, another Mum to do school pick up
Have you not seen the myriad of threads from posters sick of being expected to do this day in day out for years to facilitate some other person who is too tight to pay childcare and expects a friend to just 'help me out' for 3 years Other people cannot make plans, do things spontaneously if they always have someone else's kid tagging along. And who wants to be seen as free childcare 5 days a week always having someone else's child in their home till later in pm? Sod that its not fair on your own kids nor the family as a whole.