To pay my mother in law to look after DC's fulltime?

[swimmingpoolshower]

I'm considering going back to study a full time uni course with placements next Autumn. I'm currently part time so able to do most pick ups and drop offs to school and preschool. I cannot see how I can work around this when I could be on placements, as they can be up to ten miles away and long shifts. My DP's job is very inflexible and long hours.
The only option I can think of is asking my mother in law to quit her job and to stay at ours in the week to help. She has suggested this in the past but I had to explain that I currently wouldn't be able to afford it. She currently works 8.30-3.30 Monday to Friday in a school office, and she hates her job. I think I'd reimburse her around £600 per month, which is possibly less than she earns now. I know she needs to work and they are looking at moving next year so her wages are being counted towards the new mortgage (less than £20,000 but still.) She told me she'd love to retire now but that she can't afford to quit.
My concerns are she is quite unwell (diabetes, asthma, immunity problems) and she might find the school run tiring (who doesn't!) Even though it's only a very short walk, it's the getting two kids out the door at a certain time and then there's the scooters, cars, running! I worry it will tire her out and she'll get quite stressed.
My other (selfish) concern is that she doesn't 'do' much with the children so they would be watching telly from 3-6.30 with no homework, reading, park trips, swimming etc. She doesn't drive and wouldn't get the bus with them so it would be home and then they'd be bored and mischievous. She also feeds them loads of rubbish food and I feel I would have to be strict with that, which might cause tension. On Saturday in two hours she gave them a punnet of blueberries, four satsumas, a choc ice, a bag of popcorn, a fruit shoot and two bags of sweets. They were high from sugar all night long!
It would be a very sensitive subject to breach as an obviously she would be doing me a massive favour if she did agree. Yet I would also want to have some input into the routine. Also what would happen after I graduated? Would she find work again for the two years before retirement? Has anyone done similar? Did it work out?

OP this sounds like a disaster on so many levels. Just use a childminder.

Have you discussed this with DP? It's his mother after all and he has the inflexible job. You should work this out together. It's not just your predicament to fix.

It is your responsibility to look after your own children or pay for childcare, I doubt very much that your mil would want to give up a job to do yours

What is actually in this for your MIL’s benefit? Apart from the joy of looking after your kids, of course?

I don't think this will work for either you or your MIL.

Have you considered what would happen if she is sick? Will you pay her sick pay? Will you have emergency cover if she is out sick, bearing in mind it will cost much more than you are able to pay her?

She may hate her job but it may be permanent and secure and qualify for sick benefits and towards a mortgage application, can you offer her any of this?

If you want someone to give your children all the benefits that they currently enjoy (in terms of getting them to and from after school activities) then you will have to pay them accordingly.

Would it be feasible to drop your children to school yourself and then just pay for after school care? Bear in mind that you will need a different plan for school holidays.

When you say “stay at ours” do you mean live in or just come with every day?

Are you for real? Seriously? You want your Mother in Law with health issues to quit her job that she needs the money from to move house to mind your kids for LESS money and THEN you are cribbing about how crab she is at taking care of them and THEN you will leave her jobless when you are finished needing her shit services?

I don't think I have ever read anything more selfish in my life.

Go get a childminder and see how much THEY charge for pickups, swimming trips, doing Jackanory, bringing them on the bus, getting them out on time to school on a scooter, cooking them the food that you deem appropriate, making sure they are not bored and get mischievous, doing their homework with them and trips to the park. I can guarantee it would be a HELL of a lot more that £150 quid a week!

Cop on.

It's amazing how many husbands have completely 'inflexible' jobs when the subject of childcare is raised

It makes me wonder how many are telling the truth to their wives.

You want her to be a live in nanny in ever sense of the word for £150 a week?

*every

Your MIL will be earning much more than £600 a month, albeit not in take home pay.

Will you be giving her sick pay, paid annual leave, will you be contributing to a pension, national insurance?

You realise unless this is all done above board and not 'cash in hand' it won't be counted at all towards any mortgage application?

Pay for a childminder.

If you have room for your MIL in the house, what about an au pair?

It’s obviously going to be a massive struggle for her if she struggles already. Why would you put that on her? Really unfair of you. Just pay for a proper child minder.

Terrible idea.

What about her pension? What will she do when you don't want her anymore? Will she find another job easily?

Get a childminder.

Childminders regularly do pick ups. If not, how about a trusted friend, neighbour, another Mum to do school pick up. It'd be a lot cheaper than paying MIL £600 pm, good company for your DC and perhaps give someone else whose finding it hard to work with DC some extra money.

Dreadful idea for all the reasons above.

Sort proper childcare, your DH needs to relook at god flexibility or delay your course

^ delta course until you have savings to cover childcare costs

What about tax and her NI contributions? This arrangement will impact her pension.

The more I think about this, OP, the more outraged I become on your MIL's behalf.

Poor woman. You're asking such a lot of her and not even thinking of paying her a decent sum of money.

You think she won't be up to the job for myriad reasons - yet you're still considering asking her?

Oh, and I'm another one who wants to know what highly important and inflexible job your DH does, which means that he cannot contribute to childcare in any meaningful way.

What does your DH think about your plans to demean his unfortunate mother?

If I were her, I would tell you to jog on.

Hopefully @swimmingpoolshower you’ve written it down, re-read it and realised its a bad idea and you’re re-evaluating

Women do need to be able to gain qualifications and boost their interrupted career path.

This is a whole family issue. If your DH works long hours then can his earnings not support you to invest in a higher family income in due course?

It’s always the same: woman wants to further herself, another woman expected to pick up slack (underpaid), other women have a go at her, the men (in any generation) are not expected to address the childcare in any way at all.

This can't be real, there is absolutely no benefit for the MIL!

Agree with pp, dreadful idea.

What does your DH think about your plans to demean his unfortunate mother

The question is, is the DH thinking about the childcare at all?