To pay my mother in law to look after DC's fulltime?

[swimmingpoolshower]

I'm considering going back to study a full time uni course with placements next Autumn. I'm currently part time so able to do most pick ups and drop offs to school and preschool. I cannot see how I can work around this when I could be on placements, as they can be up to ten miles away and long shifts. My DP's job is very inflexible and long hours.
The only option I can think of is asking my mother in law to quit her job and to stay at ours in the week to help. She has suggested this in the past but I had to explain that I currently wouldn't be able to afford it. She currently works 8.30-3.30 Monday to Friday in a school office, and she hates her job. I think I'd reimburse her around £600 per month, which is possibly less than she earns now. I know she needs to work and they are looking at moving next year so her wages are being counted towards the new mortgage (less than £20,000 but still.) She told me she'd love to retire now but that she can't afford to quit.
My concerns are she is quite unwell (diabetes, asthma, immunity problems) and she might find the school run tiring (who doesn't!) Even though it's only a very short walk, it's the getting two kids out the door at a certain time and then there's the scooters, cars, running! I worry it will tire her out and she'll get quite stressed.
My other (selfish) concern is that she doesn't 'do' much with the children so they would be watching telly from 3-6.30 with no homework, reading, park trips, swimming etc. She doesn't drive and wouldn't get the bus with them so it would be home and then they'd be bored and mischievous. She also feeds them loads of rubbish food and I feel I would have to be strict with that, which might cause tension. On Saturday in two hours she gave them a punnet of blueberries, four satsumas, a choc ice, a bag of popcorn, a fruit shoot and two bags of sweets. They were high from sugar all night long!
It would be a very sensitive subject to breach as an obviously she would be doing me a massive favour if she did agree. Yet I would also want to have some input into the routine. Also what would happen after I graduated? Would she find work again for the two years before retirement? Has anyone done similar? Did it work out?

This can't be real, can it? It's a MN bingo card of childcare issues?

Surely the obvious solution is that your DH needs to get a new job that’s more compatible with family life and raising the kids he wanted? Why is all the sacrifice on you?

Nope.
Nothing about this is a good idea.
You and your husband need to sit down and properly plan how life will work when you are back studying.
Your MIL does not sound like the answer.
Does your husband work 9-5? If so and you are going to be doing shifts he is going to have to become the morning/ evening person with possibly some help from childminder/ au pair/ nanny.

You want her to work for you at a financial loss, and you think she ll be shit at it?! Wow...I hope she doesn't do you the honour of being your thankless childminder.

I did notice that mil had suggested looking after your dc. Did she comment at the time about how much she would expect you to pay her? If she still needs to earn to pay for housing costs, (and presumably need to be in proper employment to be getting formal documentation for the mortgage company) is she going to be able to afford to work for cheap and cash in hand for you? Or are you proposing to set up as an employer and pay her NI and pension contributions too?

I’m a childminder and the amount of parents that complain to me that grandparents are not looking after their dc as they wish (ie not doing anything/not feeding them healthily). It might seem a bargain, but if you start building resentment in the family, is it really worth it?

Sadly, from observation in real life, to go ahead you can't be too nice to everyone and take everyone else's needs before yours.
If you are that's your fate - carry your burdens alone, like who asked you to have two kids!?!
I won't judge OP for sharing her mind how she could cope with this situation. There are positives on Grand-parents caring for grandchildren - in other parts of the world it's expected and demanded.
On the other hand I sympathise with the concerns about your kids missing on activities and being fed more sugars than you would like or approve (and they will be).
Caring for kids is exhausting task and you have to see realistically if your mother in law would be physically able to do it better than you could (she wouldn't).
So in case she agrees, you have to accept a situation that is not ideal for you, or you could work with her and try to find a solution that you both agree with - half of the time or half of the days, or something else in the middle, i.e.don't transfer all the responsibility and all the work around the kids for the week on her alone, that could be too much of a stress and requirements.
You other solution as I see it is to find someone else to do that work, or you to give up your plans for your future (don't) and do it yourself.
It's not arbitrary that people say you need a village to raise a child, but you also need a support network to feel good as a parent.
If you can find a way to achieve your goals, do it.

This has disaster written all over it. If you want to retain any sort of relationship with your MIL please don't do it. You are being unrealistic and unreasonable.

Incredibly selfish and short-sighted of you OP.

You want to pay her peanuts to look after your kids for longer hours then she does now, with absolutely no job security like she currently has, whilst wanting input on what she does with them every day and then dropping her and leaving her unemployed when you're sorted.
You're just using her, under the guise of 'oh I've got a great idea for you MIL!'

If you're unable to manage full-time education now, you'll have to wait until DC are both in school and work it out from there.
And by work it out I don't mean 'use MIL for all you can get, then pull the ladder up and leave her unemployed for two years because you're done with her.'

Sorry for the late reply, very busy morning with CQC inspection.
First of all I do love my MIL, her ds and I have been together since I was 17 so she is very much a second mother to me. I moan about the food stuff but I really do care for her and wouldn't ever hesitate leaving dc's with her. I don't think for one minute that she 'would be shit' at looking after them.
Her current wage is £770 per month due the the job being term time but being paid all year round. I don't think £699 is that much less to offer as she would be free to do what she liked between 9.00 and 2.30. My Dp would also have one day off in the week and my ds goes to my grandparents for one day. So that's £200 per week for morning and after school care three days a week, I don't know how this compares to an au pair.
Also (crucially) she has suggested this before. When I was paying over £900 per month for both children to go to nursery three days a week, she said that she would happily quit work for me to pay her that. That was looking after two under threes for 30 hours a week! We unfortunately couldn't consider it as we were in receipt of tax credits towards the nursery but we wouldn't have been able to use that to pay MIL as she isn't Ofsted registered.
I don't see how I'm being unreasonable asking if she might consider doing something she has offered to do before.

It's absolutely true that everyone in your life is simply there to make things easier for you, OP. So crack on with impunity.

@opticaldelusion hardly! She hates her job and tells me how it give her anxiety every Sunday night. I need to have someone I trust to look after the children and not charge me £14 per minute that I'm late if I can't leave my placement on time. She gets to spend time with her grandchildren and get paid for three hours less work per day. I don't see how I'm being unfair to her.

@PortiaCastis she actually said those exact words 'it seems barmy that I have to work somewhere I hate, when all I really want is to be at home with the children, and then you have to pay £900 for a stranger to look after the children.'

What about when you don't need her childcare anymore?
Are you going to leave her high and dry?

Well all you need to do is have this conversation with her, her reaction will soon tell you if this is a good idea or not. She might want to she might not. If you don't talk to her you'll never know.

@PickleMyPepper that's the question I posed in my OP. I mean after I'm qualified I would need to work full time for a few years so this arrangement if it's working ok for her could go on until retirement.
Also she lives locally so no I won't expect her to live in with us.

An au pair might be a better plan.

I think she'd see an au pair as a kick in the teeth after she's offered to do this for us.

So, absolutely massive drip feed - you’re now offering to pay her 700 a month for fewer actual hours’ childcare which is somewhat different from what you said in your OP. And kids don’t have to do activities every day after school (your DP can take them swimming on his day at home).

Someone up thread mentioned the legalities of paying a person to look after your children when they aren't Ofsted registered and qualified, so it's definitely worth looking into this. A friend of mine offered to take our son when I went back to work and we'd pay her childcare fees but we realised that if she ever had to prove her income or where her money was coming from, we'd both be in trouble. We got a childminder in the end.

Can you consider a childminder that can be flexible, or before/afterschool childcare at their school? I know that if I was running a bit late occasionally my childminder wouldn't bat an eyelid. Do you have the option to delay doing your uni course until your kids are a bit older?

@MrsFezziwig I never said she would have the dc's in the day, someone else came up with this phantom 'baby'!

I presume this has not gone the way the OP hoped.

Satsumas! Oh lord. Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children!

She said she'd leave her job to mind the kids when you were paying over £900 pm for 3 days a week childcare. You expect her to accept £600 pm for 4 days a week. (I'm guessing £699 was a typo) It's not as if she can get another part time job in between school hours to make up the difference as she'll have to be on call if kids are sick, have days off etc. How much do you pay your grandparents to mind Ds one day a week? Is it a similar rate as you are proposing for MIL?

You say you trust her to look after the kids in your recent post, but in your op you complain about how she feeds them and doesn't interact much with them.

I suppose there is no harm in asking her but don't be surprised if things don't work out the way you want them to.

It doesn't sound like a great idea at all. Everything would have to be structured around your ways of doing things with your children,which won't work according to what you have said about your MIL. It won't make for a happy situation for anyone at all.

If you pay her your are the employer and also have to think about pension provision on top. How would holidays work as she would be entitled to 5.6 weeks? Her health is and, how would you cover illness.

Find a proper qualified childminder

You would also need to pay her national insurance. Does she have a pension? Will she be registered as self-employed? Who will be paying her tax?

If she's too poorly to cope with the kids, what's your back-up plan? Diabetes, asthma, and immunity problems are all serious conditions on their own, never mind all together. And very unlikely to improve with age.