Announcing pregnancy days before best friends' wedding

[SpaceSharkTea]

Hi all,

Tell me who is BU here - DH or me.

I think it's BU to our close/best friend to announce in the week leading up to their wedding.

We will be going for our 12 week scan when we're actually 13-14 weeks due to being away when it's around 12 weeks. This means we will be going for our scan in the Monday-Friday of the week when our friends are getting married on the Saturday. My DH is Best Man as the groom is his best man. If we announce that week the first time we see the vast majority of our friends will be at the wedding.

DH says I'm being silly but I think for everyone to be congratulating us on the same day as the newly weds takes all the attention away from then. DH says as we will be 14 weeks by the wedding that there's no reason to wait any longer.

Maybe I'm being hormonal and overly sensitive but I just don't want to upset anyone

Why do you need to tell anyone before or on the day though? Whether people think it will be a big deal or not, overshadow the day or not, steal thunder or not... you just dont need to do it?! I don’t understand why. There’s no need. Just do it after the wedding ffs and save everyone aggro?

But what's the statute of limitations on that then? How soon before the wedding does it count to just be a normal day and how long after? I reckon anyone who would be pathetic enough to be affronted by people sharing news with friends at a time which happens to be near their wedding would also be affronted by them telling them while they are still on honeymoon or before they've released their official photos or something else spurious.

I don’t understand why your DH has to “announce” it anyway.

He’s not a crown prince of somewhere is he?

Goodness, this is weird. Are people really that bloody precious that they won't let anyone have anything going on in their own lives when they're getting married (bearing in mind that it's not even at the wedding they're planning on telling people, but a few days before)? What if someone had just been promoted? Received a reward? Lost 2 stones in weight? All these things may provoke comment not directly related to the bride and groom so why risk it? And how long does this embargo last? Clearly the day after the wedding is just for discussing the wedding, so that's out. The day after? A week?

And this obsession with the word 'announce'. She means 'tell people'. I don't think anyone expects the DH to be hiring a town crier.

Your husband is seeing it from a blokes point of view

eh? I'm a woman - as, I presume are the majority of posters on this thread. Many of us really would have no issue with the OP and her dh telling their close family and friends their exciting news in the run up to somebody else's wedding. It really is a non-issue.
Neither of them are talking about 'announcing it' 'at the wedding', the only question is if it would somehow detract from the wedding if some people knew this information a few days before. OF course it wouldn't. Anyone who thinks otherwise is considerably over estimating the amount of interest other people have in the news someone is going to have a baby.

If it was my wedding I wouldn't care (also if you announced at 12 weeks and my wedding was at 14 it would be old news by then anyway), although you could tell the bride and groom before their wedding and see if they want you to keep it a secret until after, by some of these "don't do it" responses it seems to be a big deal for some people to not have any guests have anything else going on in their lives on the run up to a wedding.

I don’t really understand this either! If by “announce” you mean your DH will tell everyone in his best man’s speech, or you will both spend all day at the wedding rushing up to each and every guest to tell them you’re pregnant, then don’t do that. But to tell people you know your own good news in the weeks and days up to the wedding? Why is that a big deal? People make small talk at weddings about a wide range of topics - eg “Hi Karen, how are you? Oh yes, Barbara said you were expecting - how lovely. We’re off on a cruise in April....blah blah blah.” I don’t see how people knowing before someone’s wedding that you are pregnant is such a big deal at all.

Don't get the fanfare around pregnancy or weddings tbh. Both are lovely for about 30 minutes but then you move on. Even people going on about taking attention away from the bride - do brides think that all eyes/conversation is on her throughout the whole day?

Congratulations.

No I wouldn’t I think the same as you and don’t think it’s fair. Let the day be all about them, it’s not a vehicle for your DH to make a big announcement. Try to make DH see he’s potentially being a bit thoughtless. He can shout it from the rooftops on the Monday after the wedding.

As you can see some people wouldn’t be bothered though but I would just err on the side of caution and go with your own instinct which is not to say anything. It won’t be obvious physically at 14 wks if it’s your first.

Don't, it's their wedding day and they should (rightly) be the centre of attention.
Announcing it could be seen as scene stealing and ruin the friendship permanently.

Cue the "my so called friends stole my wedding thunder with their pregnancy announcement"

Definitely 100% don't do this OP

I obviously wouldn't make an announcement at the wedding itself. That would indeed be rude and attention-seeking. But I don't see any problem with letting people know beforehand. It would be U of the couple to expect people to be so focussed on them for days and days that they cannot get on with anything in their own lives; and it would also be U of you to think that your pregnancy is so important to most people that it would distract everyone else from the wedding from the moment you mention it. Unless by 'announcing' you mean having a party or formal occasion for it during the run-up to the wedding - which I think would be a strange thing to do, even if there were no wedding. But if you feel uncomfortable about telling people, or if you do think your friends would mind, then it also won't kill anyone if you wait till after the wedding is over!

I'd announce before the wedding. Aslong as you dont announce it at the wedding I personally see no issues.

Don’t do it at the actual wedding obviously but I can’t see any issue announcing it a few days before at all. Hardly anyone will even mention it, they’ll all be drunk and focused on the wedding.