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AIBU?

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Original poster

Announcing pregnancy days before best friends' wedding

163 replies

SpaceSharkTea · 04/02/2020 20:48

Hi all,

Tell me who is BU here - DH or me.

I think it's BU to our close/best friend to announce in the week leading up to their wedding.

We will be going for our 12 week scan when we're actually 13-14 weeks due to being away when it's around 12 weeks. This means we will be going for our scan in the Monday-Friday of the week when our friends are getting married on the Saturday. My DH is Best Man as the groom is his best man. If we announce that week the first time we see the vast majority of our friends will be at the wedding.

DH says I'm being silly but I think for everyone to be congratulating us on the same day as the newly weds takes all the attention away from then. DH says as we will be 14 weeks by the wedding that there's no reason to wait any longer.

Maybe I'm being hormonal and overly sensitive but I just don't want to upset anyone

OP posts:

PatchworkElmer · 05/02/2020 07:04

*big, not bit 🙄

DappledThings · 05/02/2020 07:12

Just don't make a big announcement at all and it's no issue. Tell a few people whenever you would normally plan to tell them. If that means you then tell a few people at the wedding as well it's still not a big deal. It's the concept of "announcing" that is causing all this angst.

CurbsideProphet · 05/02/2020 07:41

@SpaceSharkTea if you don't know the bride as well as you know the groom I would really consider if it's necessary for the friendship group to all officially know you're pregnant before the wedding, but also how they'll react. If you're among the first then more everyone might be more excited. If they all have children and having a baby is "old news" then likely it wouldn't matter.

ShatnersWig · 05/02/2020 08:15

Your husband is seeing it from a blokes point of view

I'm a "bloke" and I wouldn't dream of announcing this just before or at the wedding.

Alonelonelyloner · 05/02/2020 08:23

I would wait, not so much because of the bride's feelings as I don't think it'll detract. Weddings are exciting and no one will really remember, but I'd definitely wait til after the scan. I just wouldn't feel comfortable telling friends until after I felt it was an ongoing pregnancy. Sorry.

1forsorrow · 05/02/2020 09:25

Just to get it straight are people actually allowed to talk anything except the bride/groom/wedding in the week before the wedding? Just how much thunder do people need?

bingoitsadingo · 05/02/2020 10:00

Announcing it the week before the wedding, and then casually chatting about it at the reception as part of normal conversation, is completely fine IMO.

A big reveal at the wedding would be attention-seeking and distracting. It already being 'known' on the day of the wedding is completely fine.

KidsWorkMastersLife · 05/02/2020 10:08

Tell the bride and groom and just say that you know it's their day so you'll keep quiet but just wanted them to know.

Then if they are not bothered they'll say "don't be daft of course tell people" or if they are highly strung they'll maybe say "thanks for waiting until after" and you'll know either way.

You should do this. That way either they say don’t be silly and you can share away, and your also covered if somehow someone guesses and lets slip so it doesn’t look like you are trying to steal thunder

I went to a wedding where the bride’s twin was newly pregnant but had decided not to say anything to avoid stealing her twin’s limelight. A mutual friend of theirs who also happens to be a complete bellend clocked her not drinking and needled and needled all day until she admitted it and the bellend friend then gleefully told everyone.

bridgetreilly · 05/02/2020 16:12

@Alonelonelyloner They are waiting until after the scan. That's why it'll be close to the wedding day. Otherwise they could just announce it now.

bridgetreilly · 05/02/2020 16:13

Just to get it straight are people actually allowed to talk anything except the bride/groom/wedding in the week before the wedding? Just how much thunder do people need?

THIS.

Alonelonelyloner · 05/02/2020 16:14

@bridgetreilly my goodness, talk about misreading the original post. I blame tiredness. Thanks for picking that up.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2020 16:20

Never EVER steal someone's thunder on their wedding day.
That is just rude and bad manners.
Tell your DH to wind his neck in.
They get one day.

You get months to tell everyone.
DON'T DO IT!!!!

Just imagine how you would have felt on your wedding day if this had happened!?

DappledThings · 05/02/2020 16:34

@hellsbellsmelons What a ridiculous overreaction. How is letting a few people know some news a few days before a wedding that some of the same people will be at stealing anyone's thunder?

Lots of people have good and bad news every day of the year. How precious can a couple be that they feel some of their friends telling some other friends some good news around the time of their wedding affects them negatively? It's ludicrous.

At one friend's wedding a couple of people asked me why I wasnt drinking, including the bride. I answered honestly, was congratulated and the conversation moved on again. It's so not a big deal.

BlingLoving · 05/02/2020 16:45

I'm also a bit bemused by this. I can't see how letting friends and family know after your scan, before the wedding is stealing her thunder. Obviously, if during the best man's speech DH spends most of it talking about how you being pregnant is the most important thing, or uses it to make an announcement, that's different. But surely as they're your close friends you tell them in advance and then assuming they're normal people, you let other people know. At the wedding, a few people who haven't seen you since they found out will of course rush over to congratulate you etc and I'm sure there'll be pregnancy chat, but again, unless they're kneeing the bride in the face to get to you or so busy cooing over your scan pictures they miss the first dance, I honestly can't see how anyone would get worked up about this?

I really hope people aren't this sensitive in real life because if so, I do worry how anyone is ever friends with anyone else.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 05/02/2020 16:55

You're right OP, just wait until after the wedding - then you know there will be no problems or issues with your close friends

LouReidDododo · 05/02/2020 17:00

Why is the news that some one is pregnant going to detract from some ones wedding day? They get married on one day it’s not a whole week event.

I just don’t see this as big news

DDiva · 05/02/2020 17:29

I would also be wary of your H agreeing to keep quiet then having a couple of drinks and letting it slip. Or people guessing you're not drinking. Personally I'd think it would be better to let close friends and family know as soon as poss a few days before the wedding than it accidentally coming out at the wedding.

Dozer · 05/02/2020 17:34

Fine to tell whoever you / DH want before the wedding. Not “stealing thunder”. Not fine to announce AT the wedding.

High chance someone will guess on the day - unless vodka/coke is your sole usual drink that’ll be obvious to your girlfriends, for example - and (rudely) mention it and you or DH would give the game away. That’d be much worse.

If you decide not to tell, ask DH to promise not to tell people at the do - sounds like there’s a risk he might.

MorningNinja · 05/02/2020 17:39

In another one to say don't announce at the wedding but I don't see why not before. Yes, a pregnancy is a wonderful thing but will not overshadow the day in the slightest.

Amanduh · 05/02/2020 17:42

Why do you need to tell anyone before or on the day though? Whether people think it will be a big deal or not, overshadow the day or not, steal thunder or not... you just dont need to do it?! I don’t understand why. There’s no need. Just do it after the wedding ffs and save everyone aggro?

Dozer · 05/02/2020 17:43

High chance it’ll be observed and publicly commented on by a (rude/drunk) friend at the wedding and be hard for OP/her H to deny. Happens loads.

Emmelina · 05/02/2020 17:45

Tell your friend privately, before the wedding. Then they won’t get offended when you turn down bubbles to toast them with, and I’m certain they’ll be thrilled for you!
Then announce properly once the wedding is done and dusted.

mencken · 05/02/2020 17:45

assuming you aren't going to dance on a table shouting 'I'm pregnant' then if anyone asks at the wedding, just tell them.

there isn't a limited amount of good news in the world (thank goodness). If the bride is an adult she won't see it as 'thunder-stealing'. She's the one in the big frilly frock.

and while I wish you all the best - long, long way to go until that stork has a safe landing. Just tell those who need to know, or who spot the bump later on and are careless enough to ask. Announcements are for births.

U2HasTheEdge · 05/02/2020 17:52

FFS why do so many people not read threads properly?

It is fine to tell people before the wedding.

Marmite27 · 05/02/2020 17:55

I gave a friends wedding a miss as I’d given birth the day before. DH wanted to call in with the baby for half an hour but I said no, it wasn’t fair. I felt well enough to go and let the groom (my friend) know by text a few hours before it was made public.

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