Announcing pregnancy days before best friends' wedding

[SpaceSharkTea]

Hi all,

Tell me who is BU here - DH or me.

I think it's BU to our close/best friend to announce in the week leading up to their wedding.

We will be going for our 12 week scan when we're actually 13-14 weeks due to being away when it's around 12 weeks. This means we will be going for our scan in the Monday-Friday of the week when our friends are getting married on the Saturday. My DH is Best Man as the groom is his best man. If we announce that week the first time we see the vast majority of our friends will be at the wedding.

DH says I'm being silly but I think for everyone to be congratulating us on the same day as the newly weds takes all the attention away from then. DH says as we will be 14 weeks by the wedding that there's no reason to wait any longer.

Maybe I'm being hormonal and overly sensitive but I just don't want to upset anyone

Look at the two options this way:

1. POSSIBLY cause upset/distraction at the wedding.
2. Definitely DON'T cause upset at the wedding.

Is it not somewhat obvious which one to choose?

My bridesmaid snuck a 9 weeker past me at my wedding. Bottle of non alcoholic wine topping her up all evening and plenty of faked "mixer" drinks. Brilliant of her. I had no idea and it was a lovely surprise after.

Umm people will say congratulations and that will be it surely? How is that going to take the lime light off the wedding? 🤣

In the nicest possible way OP, aren’t you vastly overinflating the importance of an occurrence which is obviously very big news to you and your DH, but which is really going to be a matter of ‘Oh, that’s nice’, at most, to other people at the wedding?

I would wait until afterwards if it was me. The day should be about them. Maybe at breakfast if you’re all staying in the same hotel afterwards?

No, don't do it.

My SIL made a big announcement on our wedding day. I remember talking to guests and various aunts rushing in to interrupt and shriek "XX is expecting, isn't it amazing!!'

Er, no, it wasn't. DH had congratulated her before and asked her if she wouldn't mind holding back on her good news until after the wedding. All of our photos look like she was chewing a wasp, and almost 20 years on, I still have never really forgiven her despite pretending not to have noticed.

Don't do it. It's their day, not yours. Or if your DH is really desperate tell the bride before and see how she and her partner would feel. If she's upset then respect it and tell people a few days later.
I think I would have been a bit upset if someone had done that at my wedding.

X-posted with @AryaStarkWolf. Yes, exactly. I mean, just how interested are people in other people’s pregnancies?

I have never understood the preciousness of the not wanting to intrude on the brides day. Why is it not OK to celebrate a baby AND a wedding with mutual friends?

I dont understand it either. I dont actually know anyone who would have a problem with you announcing this beforehand. In fact my sister asked of she could announce my pregnancy at her engagement party becasue she was excited about it.

But since you feel differently OP I'd tell the bride and groom and see what they think.

It's been a long time coming so can see why people will be thrilled for us and people may talk.

And honestly OP I mean this genuinely in a nice way but please don't overestimate the response you're going to get from people (excluding family).

Of course they'll be pleased for you but it's not nearly as important to them as it is to you.

If you're expecting the kind of responses that might take all the attention away from a bride and groom, you could be in for a disappointment.

"Oh how lovely! When are you due? Would you like a boy or a girl or aren't you bothered?"

That's generally the standard response and even then, out of 210 guests, you might just get a few "Oh that's nice news".

I’d want to keep it quiet for as long as I could. Congratulations OP, tell all your friends when there’s nothing else to celebrate. Tell your other half it’s news all of its own

I'd tell the bride and groom and see what they think.

I don't understand this. She would be telling people in the week before the wedding, not at the wedding. The bridge and groom don't get to control everything in the lead up to their bloody wedding.

Only on Mumsnet is this a thing. Apart from saying congratulations and when is it due, nobody is going that bothered about your baby. Sorry, big news for you and for immediate family, but the rest of the female world is more interested in the wedding dress and the men will just be wondering when they'll get a drink.

There were actual articles when Meghan did this to Eugenie! I’d keep it to myself (and I did until 18 weeks when it was too obvious not to share!)

www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/people-are-accusing-meghan-markle-of-stealing-princess-eugenie-e2-80-99s-thunder-e2-80-94-again/ar-BBOqy3t

Don't do it. It sounds like your DH will be making a big song and dance of it which will be unfair on the B and G.

I'm not really sure we can compare this to a royal baby and a royal wedding.

Now that IS bonkers

Going against the grain here but I don't see any reason not to tell people before the wedding (just not on the day itself). It would actually annoy me more if my close friend didn't tell me . As long as it's a few days before it shouldn't bake any differences

I’d mention it to the B&G and follow their lead.

I would do this ^^ as well.
If someone had wanted to announce a pregnancy at our wedding I would have been delighted for them. I view it as a double celebration rather than taking attention away from me.

And actually...with regards to OP perhaps vastly overestimating the response, remember these people will have heard the news a whole week ago and will probably have said most of their congratulations via text or snapchat etc.

If someone had wanted to announce a pregnancy at our wedding I would have been delighted for them. I view it as a double celebration rather than taking attention away from me.

Except that's not what the OP has said is going to happen.

You're going to be pregnant for almost 40 weeks, surely the news can wait two weeks. There is plenty of time for congratulations and talking about it after the wedding.

Tell them before, not on the wedding day.

I only know one person who would get the hump at news like this being announced within 6 months of her precious day, and she is the sort who would (and has) gone out of her way to steal the attention at any sort of party or wedding she has been at!

But, because of her, I would err on the side of caution with anyone and wait until after.

I wouldn’t say anything until after. Only going on my own experience but I had a secret longing for a baby before my wedding and friends pregnancy announcements used to sting a little. Even tho the timing wasn’t right for us yet and I was over the moon for my friends it still always just gave me this little stomach flippy feeling and pangs of envy and I wouldn’t have liked that tainting my wedding day. Silly as it is. I know it’s taboo on here to admit it but other people’s pregnancies can evoke some strong emotions.

I would just wait until after

I was in a similar situation - a friend's big 30th birthday party just after our 12 week scan. I told the friend and asked her whether it would be OK to let people know in advance, and she was delighted. TBH I was feeling sick as a dog and super tired, so it was good that everybody knew.

We just sent out a group WhatsApp letting everybody know, and by the time of the party a few days later it was still exciting news but it was old news if you see what I mean? It just gave us something to chat about with randoms we hadn't seen for ages, it didn't eclipse the birthday girl.

You would BU to announce at the wedding itself, but having the pregnancy common knowledge by the wedding is not going to steal anybody's thunder unless it's a seriously underwhelming wedding. I think that's probably the best way to proceed tbh.