Announcing pregnancy days before best friends' wedding

[SpaceSharkTea]

Hi all,

Tell me who is BU here - DH or me.

I think it's BU to our close/best friend to announce in the week leading up to their wedding.

We will be going for our 12 week scan when we're actually 13-14 weeks due to being away when it's around 12 weeks. This means we will be going for our scan in the Monday-Friday of the week when our friends are getting married on the Saturday. My DH is Best Man as the groom is his best man. If we announce that week the first time we see the vast majority of our friends will be at the wedding.

DH says I'm being silly but I think for everyone to be congratulating us on the same day as the newly weds takes all the attention away from then. DH says as we will be 14 weeks by the wedding that there's no reason to wait any longer.

Maybe I'm being hormonal and overly sensitive but I just don't want to upset anyone

How far does the Special Day Exclusive Spotlight Deal extend either side of the wedding? Would telling people they were having a baby two weeks before the wedding be ok, if one week isn’t? What about afterwards? Are they allowed to tell people the day after, or is that still stealing someone’s limelight? Does the size of the wedding matter? If it’s a 300 person extravaganza with a glass coach pulled by unicorns, does that buy them longer in the spotlight than a registry office quickie and back to the pub?

Please let them have their day.

I know it’s super important and amazing for you and the ripple that love you but your friends only get this wedding once and I really feel you should let it be all about them.

You could tell everyone the day after!

I did this, it did cross my mind that I felt like I was stealing her thunder. But at the end of the day it was my news to tell.

She was fine with it, all the other bridesmaids knew weeks before anyway as were all friends. Then it didn’t really get mentioned at the actual wedding unless asked.

I am getting married next month and if my best friend or friend announced she was pregnant the week before I honestly hand on heart wouldn't mind. If my younger sister did however I probably would be slightly annoyed but that's only because we have a strained relationship and I feel she is doing everything she can to make my wedding day about her. I doubt you have a strained relationship with your friend the same way I do with my younger sister though! But then we are all different and some people do take their wedding day extremely seriously. Obviously I know it is a serious event but I mean some people I know who get married turn into bridezilla and seem to forget that the rest of the world exists!

I hope the bride to be doesn't spot this thread because if I were here, I'd be really insulted at the thought of a few quiet "Oh I got your text last week. Congratulations", could take all the limelight away from an actual bride and groom

I'd rethink my dress, hair, makeup immediately...

*her

As people are getting a bit confused...the OP's DH wants to 'announce' it in the week leading up to the wedding.

I don't think anyone is confused, the OP is perfectly clear.

I think some posters just disagree with how it appears to announce a pregnancy a few days before the wedding, knowing it will be the first time you're seeing most people in person and expecting it to be a major source of conversation.

I had this situation when I became pregnant before my sister's wedding. I was 8 weeks pregnant at the wedding, I waited till the week after the wedding to tell my family. I didn't think it was right to take away from my sister's big day. It would have been a bid deal - first grandchild for my parents. Also, nobody realised I was pregnant - nursed the same glass of champagne/wine all evening! Even the family at my table didn't realise.

i dont thikn it matters how much its talked about by others.the fact you did it i think to the couple,would be taken badly.as pure and good as the mrried couple are i think this woul cross there minds as to why you had to do it in their day.
its not a big deal.but the wrong comment or the way its done or how the bride is feeling on the day and i think it could go tits up.
weve all seen what weddings can do to some with the stress of it.so i wouldnt.of course you know the couple more so its up to you to gauge that.
i think id be overhoyed for you but would appreciate it if you didnt.

I think you should wait OP. Let the bride and groom have their day Your announcement is special too so give it its own special day where you and you’re pregnancy are the focus, and congratulations.

your

I don't think anyone is confused, the OP is perfectly clear.

Cohle if you're not confused, why did you say....

I wouldn't.

Regardless of how people would actually feel there's definitely a cultural trope that announcing a pregnancy at someone's wedding is attention seeking and an attempt to steal the couple's thunder.

Look at the press Meghan Markle got for supposedly announcing her pregnancy at Eugenie's wedding.

My friends guessed at a friends wedding as I drank tea and juice, (I did raise my champagne glass and pretend to take a sip) but I let them ask and didn't say either way - they understood I was trying to be respectful towards the newly married couple and stopped asking. I confirmed it a few weeks later.

Posting a scan pic to FB a week before the wedding = fine.

Tapping your spoon & glass and announcing it during the I dos = poor form.

Because Worra my point was that situations like this are as much about perception as reality.

Even if the bride and groom are absolutely fine with it, and even if the announcement is made by text days in advance, the OP will likely be perceived as having announced her pregnancy "at" the wedding and as having behaved badly by stealing the couple's thunder.

It's about the optics as much as the actual facts.

It's like wearing a white dress to a wedding. The bride might be absolutely fine with it, but half the guests will tut behind your back.

Don't do it before or at the wedding.

A friend told the local big mouth she was pregnant at my wedding party and I was mightily fucked off. She announced her next pregnancy on the same day as a funeral, although that one did actually lift people's moods!

Why do people announce pregnancies? I had a much longed for DC but didn't "announce" it nor did my DP - though we were privately over the moon - we just let our mums know at 18 weeks or so. OP just tell your partner that it will be more impressive after the wedding since he seems to want to do the announcing. Or tell him you're superstitious about it.

I'm with your dh.
Sharing your lovely news with your family and friends a few days before another couple get married, is not going to ruin their wedding

Just how how exciting do you think your news is going to be to all the other wedding guests ? It cannot possibly outshine the other couple's wedding, unless you were thinking of getting hold of the microphone and making it into a big announcement at the Reception, or even the ceremony ???

Just tell people you want to tell, once you've had the scan. It really won't be an issue.

Actually, thinking about it, DH & I went to the evening do of one of his work colleagues. I was 5 months pregnant and he hadn't told anyone in work. I was very obviously showing.

DH brushed it off by saying, 'oh yes, we just found out we are expecting' and people's eyes were on stalks, like 'Really? You just found out?'

I don't think he fooled anyone.

As we were entirely incidental to the B&G I don't think it took away from their day (hopefully).

A good friend of mine told us and our friendship group at our wedding that she was pregnant. We were all thrilled for her. It wasnt a stand up and make a speech thing, just told us all when we were sat having a chat. And my sister announced her pregnancy two days after my son was born. Again, thrilled for her, no thunder stealing at all. But I know some bridezillas who would have been fuming 🙄

DO NOT LET YOUR DH ANNOUNCE YOUR PREGNANCY AT THEIR WEDDING!

It's an absolute cunt move and your DH is a dick if he can't see that.

Their wedding, is their party to celebrate their marriage, paid for by them. If he wants to announce to everyone in one go, tell him to throw and pay for his own party.

Announce it after the wedding, even me-again markle had the decency to wait until after Eugenie's wedding, didn't she?

Just reread and seen he wants to do it the week before, and see everyone for the first time at the wedding. Above posts still stand imo.

@CurbsideProphet DH is Groom's best friend of 15 years and I worked with Groom for 5 years. Bride is a good friend and we regularly do couples things. I don't thing the groom would care really but the bride is the one I am worried about

I think your instinct is right here, OP. Don’t do a bit announcement beforehand.

I think I would be tempted to tell the bride in the week before- “I just wanted to let you know now, but we won’t announce publicly until after the wedding”. And then see what she says- it might be that she tells you to stop being daft and just announce it, solving the problem entirely!