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Original poster

Announcing pregnancy days before best friends' wedding

163 replies

SpaceSharkTea · 04/02/2020 20:48

Hi all,

Tell me who is BU here - DH or me.

I think it's BU to our close/best friend to announce in the week leading up to their wedding.

We will be going for our 12 week scan when we're actually 13-14 weeks due to being away when it's around 12 weeks. This means we will be going for our scan in the Monday-Friday of the week when our friends are getting married on the Saturday. My DH is Best Man as the groom is his best man. If we announce that week the first time we see the vast majority of our friends will be at the wedding.

DH says I'm being silly but I think for everyone to be congratulating us on the same day as the newly weds takes all the attention away from then. DH says as we will be 14 weeks by the wedding that there's no reason to wait any longer.

Maybe I'm being hormonal and overly sensitive but I just don't want to upset anyone

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 04/02/2020 21:52

"Announcing"? Like on Facebook? Nah, I wouldn't do any form of 'announcing'.

Just tell your closest family and friends and let the information filter out naturally. Like people used to do. You'll get some 'congratulations' at the wedding but it won't be made into a huge 'deal' with people feeling they have to make a fuss over the 'announcement'.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 04/02/2020 21:52

I doubt the wedding guests will spend the entire wedding marvelling over your upduffed status, I’m sure it will be fine.

That^

If you had spilled the beans in my wedding all would have been delighted, double celebration and all that.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 21:53

I'm also curious as to how people think the bride and groom will even know what private conversations the OP and her DH will be having with people? Confused

user1494182820 · 04/02/2020 21:53

Why do you need to "announce" that you are pregnant? I find this habit very weird. Just tell the people who you want to tell without balloons, sparklers or specially printed t-shirts.

justkeeprunning5 · 04/02/2020 21:54

I think it’s best not to announce In the run up to a wedding if you can wait. A friend announced it a few days before a good friends wedding a few years back and although they were not the focus on the wedding day it was very much thought of by many people there that they were trying to steal a bit of the bride & grooms thunder. I’d wait and announce the week after if you can.

Chloemol · 04/02/2020 21:55

Let them have their day and tell everyone afterwards

MikeUniformMike · 04/02/2020 21:56

People will guess that you are in 'the family way'. I would not announce it, but if asked say yes, but you are keeping it secret until after the wedding.

bridgetreilly · 04/02/2020 21:59

I think it is absolutely bonkers to let your life be governed by other people's wedding in this way. Weddings are celebrations of family and friendship. Why wouldn't you want other people to be happy and sharing their happiness? I mean, sure, don't stand up and make a speech about it, but I cannot fathom at all why anyone would think you should be keeping it secret.

DappledThings · 04/02/2020 22:00

I never "announced" I as pregnant as in made a mass public statement. I just told people as and when it came up. So with DC1 I was 10 weeks at a wedding and with DC2 14 weeks. Anyone who asked why I wasn't drinking I just told them. People said it was nice news, that was it.

It's no big deal if you don't make it a big deal. I think keeping it a secret just because there's a wedding is making as much of a fuss as making a big deal of it on Fadebook.

Just chat to people and tell them if it comes up. You're really overthinking it.

Fantababy · 04/02/2020 22:01

The last few weddings I've been to I've barely seen the bride, and only seen the groom a little more. They've got so many people to speak to , plus photos to get taken, cakes to cut, first dance, and so on - they will probably barely notice.

Chocolateandchats · 04/02/2020 22:01

My friend “announced” her pregnancy on my wedding day and years later we still remember that special moment between us. She told me in a room full of friends and family a few hours before my wedding. It took nothing away from me.

bridgetreilly · 04/02/2020 22:02

I mean, no one spends all their time at a wedding talking exclusively about the bride and groom, do they? People are allowed to talk about other things. Why shouldn't they be allowed to talk about your good news too? How does that spoil anyone's day? I genuinely think this is bonkers.

Cohle · 04/02/2020 22:02

I wouldn't.

Regardless of how people would actually feel there's definitely a cultural trope that announcing a pregnancy at someone's wedding is attention seeking and an attempt to steal the couple's thunder.

Look at the press Meghan Markle got for supposedly announcing her pregnancy at Eugenie's wedding.

1forsorrow · 04/02/2020 22:02

At recent wedding everyone twigged bridesmaid was pregnant because she wasn't drinking, Bride and Groom congratulated 3 people who had birthdays the week before or the week after the wedding in speeches and everyone toasted them. It was a celebration, bride and groom were centre of attention but were happy for other people to celebrate as well. It was a lovely day.

CurbsideProphet · 04/02/2020 22:07

@WorraLiberty at our wedding DH's friends "announced" their pregnancy to all of the friends and asked them not to tell us. Obviously we found out second hand later in the day when everyone had had a few drinks and were lax with keeping the secret. I then had to listen to other people's opinions on whether the friends should or should not have done their announcement.

Does anyone really need to know at that stage? Does it need to be an announcement Confused

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 22:08

Regardless of how people would actually feel there's definitely a cultural trope that announcing a pregnancy at someone's wedding is attention seeking and an attempt to steal the couple's thunder.

Except again that's not what's going to happen.

As people are getting a bit confused...the OP's DH wants to 'announce' it in the week leading up to the wedding.

Therefore, those who are the most interested/bothered will have already sent a text or made a phone call to congratulate them.

I genuinely can't see how the B&G would even know what's being said during private conversations at their wedding.

Unless of course someone shouts "OY! KAREN CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU AND DAVE", over the Vicar's voice....

bridgetreilly · 04/02/2020 22:09

@Cohle, but she wouldn't be announcing it at the wedding. They'd have announced it during the week before.

ChanklyBore · 04/02/2020 22:09

Clearly I have the subtlety of a rhino but I wouldn’t bat an eyelid about telling people I was pregnant at a wedding, or birthday party, or other event where I tend to see lots people for a catch up and a drink or two. Isn’t getting together part of the point of an event at which you ...well, invite lots of people? Do you want them not to talk to each other or share any information? I might be able to understand it being a little odd to “announce” it or to make a spectacle of it at a sad occasion eg a funeral.

I don’t understand wedding etiquette at all, until I came on MN I had no idea about most things that are apparently common knowledge WRT weddings, so I admit I’m not the font of all knowledge on the subject. But it’s all a bit odd....no?

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 22:09

Again CurbsideProphet, that's not what the OP is saying her DH wants to do.

namechanger2019 · 04/02/2020 22:11

One of our guests told our friends she was pregnant at our wedding... didn't occur to me to be upset. I was really pleased for them. Not like she stood up and made a song and dance about it just told people as she chatted to them.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 22:11

I really do think that's why so many responses are OTT here

Because a lot of people think the OP is talking about announcing her pregnancy at the actual wedding, rather than in the week leading up to it.

user1471449295 · 04/02/2020 22:14

I agree with you OP, please don’t. It can be ‘announced’ after the bride and groom have had their special day.

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 04/02/2020 22:14

Don't do it Op.

CurbsideProphet · 04/02/2020 22:17

@SpaceSharkTea I think it depends on whether they are your / his / mutual friends and how well you know them. Obviously we don't know that and can only give our own experiences. If this is a close friend then you will know in yourself whether they won't give a fig about timing, or if they might be a bit miffed. What your DH wants doesn't really come into it - I mean that in a nice way!

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2020 22:18

Just remembered my friend at my wedding. I had been to see her a couple of weeks before and her tits were HUGE! Just as they had been in her first PG. So I guessed but as she never said anything I didnt either. Then at the wedding I offered her a glass of champagne, she said no thanks and said on the QT that actually she was pg and they had just had the scan that week so hadnt wanted to say anything until they were sure it was ok. And that was that. No fuss, no big announcement just "Oh X and Y are having another, isnt it lovely?"

I dont get the big announcement, gender reveal, push presents bollocks. ITs lovely to have a baby, I should know! But I dont get the fuss people make these days [old gimmer at 47 alert] :o

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