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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So worried please help, DS Mental Health Journey, Part 2 *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

267 replies

WhatNowFrantic · 04/02/2020 18:38

I got the last thread deleted as it became quite outing but the support on here has been such a help to me so I've started this thread.
So DS started AD at the weekend and is so far feeling awful, he's pale, pupils dilated, feels anxious and dizzy. I don't think he realises how ill he is.
He's off work so I'm hoping they start to kick in soon. I'm worried he's got too much time on his hands while he's off and don't want him sat thinking.
Of course it's all my fault at the moment as I dragged him to the GP and got him to have time off. He's just not in a good place right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 07/02/2020 16:36

To be fair the last 2 days he's been out in the daylight with the dogs so that's more than he's done for weeks.
Apparently his mates are going to the pub tonight......Hmm
Good tip re cake, I don't need much persuading on that front!

OP posts:
madmumofteens · 07/02/2020 17:52

Baby steps OP you have got this 💐 do you think that maybe you should let his siblings know he is not doing so good??

UndertheCedartree · 07/02/2020 19:21

@WhatNowFrantic - I think it's understandable the cold has made him stay in bed. It's a good thing to do as he needs rest to get over the cold and his mental health. It will be up and down...some good days and some bad. Hopefully the therapist will be able to offer suitable therapy - let us know how it goes.

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 07/02/2020 19:46

He doesnt want his siblings to know so at the moment I'm respecting that. There's quite a big age gap so he doesn't have an awful lot to do with them but I know they would support him 100%
He has gone to the pub with his mates as he says it makes him happy and he hasn't been out all day. I've asked him to be careful and listen to his body. "yessss mum" Hmm
So i will worry until he gets home, but I need to let him go, I know that.
I will indeed let you know how the therapy goes, although I don't think he will tell me much.

OP posts:
WTAFFF · 08/02/2020 06:14

I hope everything is ok @WhatNowFrantic.

It’s going to be a long journey for both of you. Flowers

incognitomum · 08/02/2020 23:49

Hi just popping in to see how you and ds are.

It's good he's still taking meds. Hopefully he'll feel a big difference soon?

Sleep well and keep posting Smile

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 07:51

Hi it hasn't been a good night.
DS went to a watch footy in the pub as usual.He asked me to pick him up at 10 which isn't like him. He was really quiet and went to bed. I heard him moving about at 3am and he was really restless and agitated. I had to sit with him and try to calm him down. He said he hates that he can't sleep any more .
It was horrible to see. But I also said to him he shouldn't have been drinking.
His dose goes up today so I'm abit worried.

OP posts:
PleaseShare · 09/02/2020 08:34

Oh no, anything that makes him consider stopping the ADs isn't good.
I wonder if you can take antihistamine with sertraline. I get a really good night's sleep after an antihistamine when without it I would be awake and worrying.

Theoscargoesto · 09/02/2020 08:54

Hi @WhatNowFrantic. My experience is different to yours, my DD has anorexia rather than depression, but I’ve seen, from the little I read of your last thread and this one, how strong
You are being and how supportive of your son.
I’d say 3 things: try to learn how to relax as much as you can. It’s good he’s going out, that his mates are supportive, and when he is out that is your time to breathe.
The old advice is, put your oxygen mask on first: this could be a long haul and you need ways of coping too. You are not (but I know this is so hard to remember) responsible for your son’s choices, like drinking whilst on antids, so if you can get some relief from your worries (which night for example mean your own counselling, or doing a jigsaw, going for a walk: whatever fills your own tank up.
Lastly, beware of hope. In my experience it’s when you hope that this is the beginning of the end, that things are changing, then they don’t that it’s hardest for a parent. When it’s awful, you get through but when it’s less so and you hope this is an end to it, and it’s not, that’s tough.
I hope that helps you. I think you’re doing a wonderful job for your boy and wish you the best

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 09:28

Thankyou, at the moment I can't relax atall while he's out, unless he's just out with the dog.
I'm trying to explain to him that all the good the tablets are doing is being undone by the alcohol. He sees it as it's his only pleasure and what is he gonna do if he can never drink againHmm
I've told him (rightly or wrongly) that it's not for ever, it's just until the medication gets into his system.
I get that about 'hope' I'm clinging to every little glimpse of the old DS I see and things like this just drag me back down.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 11:52

I'm.not sure what has happened.
Yesterday he was abit more like his old self, chatting, texting etc
Today, nothing, zilch. Grunting answers, wants to sleep. Tells me he doesn't know what's wrong. It's like he's gone right back to the start. I feel like I'm.walking on eggshells, whereas yesterday we were having lovely chats. I think someone has upset him but he won't tell me anything Sad

OP posts:
Srictlybakeoff · 09/02/2020 13:11

In my experience recovery from depression isn’t a linear thing - it can be a bit up and down. Sometimes if there’s been a been a slight improvement people can feel they are “ better” so if they start to feel horrible again they focus on being back to square 1 , and that makes their mood dip more . The reality is that any sign of improvement is a good sign ,even if it’s too early for it to be maintained.
The other thing is that it’s too early for the antidepressants to have really worked and he’s still on a very low dose. Stopping work has probably taken the pressure off him and made him feel better but Sunday might still make him think of work and all the conflicted feelings he will have about stopping.
It must be so hard. But he’s been out a few times - even just with the dog , and all of that is positive.

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 13:38

Thanks @Strictlybakeoff you are right. It's just so hard seeing him like this today.
He has got up and showered and had abit of food but is now asleep on the sofa.
I'm afraid I've just left him asleep,.probably not the best idea but Not sure what else to do. It's not going to help with his sleep tonight.
I hate thisSad

OP posts:
dappledsunshine · 09/02/2020 14:49

It is a long journey frantic it's all about just providing consistent support, accepting the bad days and perhaps trying not to add any extra pressure to the situation by having expectations that he will get better quickly (not saying this is what you are doing but it's easy to jump on the good days and get frustrated when his mood dips again for no apparent reason) Thanks

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 15:35

@dappledsunshine thank you, I know you are right but I just feel.so sad for him today. He's hardly said a word and doesn't like how he's feeling. I just want to take his pain awaySad

OP posts:
incognitomum · 09/02/2020 16:45

I know it's so hard. Really hoping for something positive to happen soon for you and ds.

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 17:08

Thanks @incognitomum
I think this is the worst day yet.

OP posts:
PleaseShare · 09/02/2020 18:17

I really feel for you, it's a difficult journey but you are giving him all of your support and you will see an improvement and hopefully soon xx

incognitomum · 09/02/2020 19:14

Is he still taking ads?

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 19:28

yes he's still taking the meds. Started 50mg today.

OP posts:
incognitomum · 09/02/2020 21:10

Best wishes. It's so frustrating. I just wished for a magic wand to take away the pain with my ds. I really hope he starts feeling well soon.

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 09/02/2020 21:18

Thank you so much Flowers

OP posts:
claffy123 · 10/02/2020 18:26

How’s today been ? I hope not too bad xx

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 10/02/2020 19:01

Hi @claffy123
DS saw a therapist today, seems to have gone ok although he hasn't said much about it. He said he is happy to go again.
He is considering resigning from his job as it's causing him so much stress.
DH and I.said we would support him in this 100% but it must be his decision . It's a big step but I think it would be such a relief to him. I can't see anything changing for the better there any time soon. ( I posted details about the job on my last thread but they are quite outing)
He is more chatty this afternoon. I think he was worried that we would be against him resigning but his health has to come first right now.

OP posts:
claffy123 · 10/02/2020 19:42

Oh yes, absolutely - nothing else matters at the moment. What he is doing now, with your help, is such an important investment in his future

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