So worried please help, DS Mental Health Journey, Part 2 *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[WhatNowFrantic]

I got the last thread deleted as it became quite outing but the support on here has been such a help to me so I've started this thread.
So DS started AD at the weekend and is so far feeling awful, he's pale, pupils dilated, feels anxious and dizzy. I don't think he realises how ill he is.
He's off work so I'm hoping they start to kick in soon. I'm worried he's got too much time on his hands while he's off and don't want him sat thinking.
Of course it's all my fault at the moment as I dragged him to the GP and got him to have time off. He's just not in a good place right now.

So not much improvement sadly.
DS has gone back to 50mg but is still so miserable and angry. He refuses to see the psychotherapist as they are only doing zoom and face time which he won't do!
Tonight he shouted at me telling me to stop asking him what's wrong and to stop moaning at him (I havnt moaned at him atall) He doesn't know why he feels like he does and he hates feeling like it.
I just want to help him but I'm exhausted with it all now. I can't force him to see someone if he won't go.
I'm scared now🥺

I'm waiting for a call back from the GP

Did you get the callback? Thinking of you both

@MrsRockAndRoll yes the GP rang back and I had a good chat. GP thinks he needs abit longer for the 50mg to kick in, another couple of weeks. GP said he would txt DS to arrange for a chat.
I haven't asked DS if the GP has phoned, but today DS seems a little brighter. He sat and chatted to me and DH while he ate his sandwich, and I can hear him upstairs chatting to a friend on the phone, small steps🙏

That's positive

So we had a couple of days when the old DS made a brief appearance, he was chatty and abit like his old self.
But yesterday he slept for a lot of the day and today is very down😔

DS said the GP txt him and asked him to arrange for a catch up. DS just ignored the txt😏 and said he's not going to speak to the GP.
What can I do? I can't force him to speak to the GP. I thought he was coming back to me on Saturday but today he's really down, came home, ate and has been in his room ever since. 😥

Just seen your update. How are you both now!

@MrsRockAndRoll thankyou for asking,
Well, DS has finally given up on the ex, she kept taking him back and he found out she was still seeing someone else. That night was awful, he just disappeared and was sending worrying txts to a friend. We finally found him alone in a bar crying into his beer.
But since then he seems to have been able to forget her and see that she's no good.
I must say he's got a couple of friends that have been amazing, they've really kept an eye on him and chatted to him about things.
He is still taking the 50mg sertraline and I'm so happy to say I 99% have my boy back! He has a day off today and I can hear him upstairs singing! I never thought his voice would bring me so much joy!
I know we've been here before and it all went pear-shaped but for now we are happy!

That was a lovely update to read

So very happy for you both x

Thankyou

Meant to say, he's still drinking too much at weekends, but he has knocked the takeaways on the head and is trying to eat healthier. Small steps......

That sounds really positive! I hope things continue to improve

Thankyou so much, I hope so too

So… I realize what I’m suggesting is not until November but that’s sooner than we think. I would recommend having his friends band together and say they’re going “dry” to raise money for men’s mental health month in November (raise X money for every day they don’t drink). They can ask him to join in. Especially as you mention he was worried about a friend who tried to commit suicide. He sounds like a very confused but empathetic young man who might do for others some things he won’t do for himself.

The thing is, something has to get your son to stop drinking. It’s really the biggest problem here. There’s a reason you’re not even supposed to really drink while taking anti-depressants. Alcohol IS a depressant. Your son is overloading his system every weekend with a depressant, and then expecting his anti-depressants to get him through. Think about what drink does to people. Even when we say people are “happy” drunks, it doesn’t really make anyone happier; it may just lower their inhibitions or make them act a bit like they’ve had too much gas and air, so they’re laughing at everything. But no one is truly made “happier” by alcohol and especially not the next day. Even if there’s no hangover, no one goes, “Wow, so glad I went drinking last night; I feel just amazing, like I was at a spa.” I’m happy to share links about it being a depressant and how it works, especially how dangerous it is for men’s mental health (since drinking is so engrained in male culture, it’s like lads are being forced socially to do something depressing constantly…)

Anyway, best of luck to you and your son. I hope things go well. I do think as long as he drinks, though, you’re always going to be in this up and down pattern and his anti-depressants will never work as well as they could. I’m sorry to sound doom and gloom.

@RightYesButNo I totally agree with you.
DS knows alcohol is a depressant, he knows everything you've said. But doing something about it is a different matter!
During the first lockdown he didn't drink atall (he never drinks at home) which is why after a year he felt well enough to come off the AD
Then of course pubs opened and he was only on half the dose of AD so it all went tits up!
The sport he plays has a high drinking culture, and they all have a drink after the game etc.They are a great group of lads, all different ages, and they all look out for each other. But they all like a drink!
DS tells me he just has beer now, no shorts. He never gets a hangover. I've never known him to be sick or feel ill the day after, maybe if he did it would help!
Anyway I'm rambling, thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate everyone's input.