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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So worried please help, DS Mental Health Journey, Part 2 *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

267 replies

WhatNowFrantic · 04/02/2020 18:38

I got the last thread deleted as it became quite outing but the support on here has been such a help to me so I've started this thread.
So DS started AD at the weekend and is so far feeling awful, he's pale, pupils dilated, feels anxious and dizzy. I don't think he realises how ill he is.
He's off work so I'm hoping they start to kick in soon. I'm worried he's got too much time on his hands while he's off and don't want him sat thinking.
Of course it's all my fault at the moment as I dragged him to the GP and got him to have time off. He's just not in a good place right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 18/02/2020 13:36

Thanks for your comments everyone, this thread really does help me.
DS was in the pub when news broke of Caroline Flack, he doesn't know who she was, he watches no reality TV, but he said they were chatting about it in the pub which can only be a good thing.
I have had support from occupational health at work, a lovely lady, who I can see at any time. she can't point me to further help of needed but I'm actually ok. It was good to talk to someone about it, but, Like I said previously, (and I know some of you think this is bad) If DS is happy, then I'm happy.
We, as a family are riding this journey together and whether I like it or not living with a loved one with depression effects how I feel on a daily basis.
Today is another good day, DS was up early and walked the dog. Is now out for lunch with a friend, then therapy (which he isn't keen on going to but I've suggested he tries it again)

OP posts:
speakout · 18/02/2020 14:04

WhatNowFranti

No one is saying the way you feel is "bad", just that there are easier ways to cope with your situation.

We are trying to help. X

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 18/02/2020 14:13

@speakout I know you are trying to help and I really appreciate people's opinions on this thread. Flowers
The occupation health person really did help, just telling her what had happened and being able to see her at any time is good.
Sorry the last post should say she can point me to further help if I want it, and I will ask her if I feel I need more help.

OP posts:
speakout · 18/02/2020 14:18

WhatNowFrantic

I am glad you have support there if you need it.

Support services for carers do exist- and they are there for a reason.

I know- to my cost - it is very easy to forget about your own life and welfare when you are caught up in supporting someone you love.
I truly understand how you must feel.

My motivation came from wanting to be the best and strongest support that I could for my son.
Having me sad, worn out and heading for depression was not good for him.
Nor me.

I hope things will continue to improve. X

Friendsofmine · 18/02/2020 21:33

"whether I like it or not living with a loved one with depression effects how I feel on a daily basis"

We are just trying to tell you it doesn't have to be this way. You can't see it because you are refusing therapy.

You are in many ways as your son was. He had to hit rock bottom to get help too.

MerryDeath · 18/02/2020 21:37

i has to increase my sertraline to 100mg to stop having negative side effects and to feel the benefit - it works incredibly well for me and the side effects are now minimal. unless i forget to take it on time then i very quickly start to feel it. so give it time and adjust if necessary!

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 18/02/2020 23:02

@Friendsofmine I'm not refusing therapy atall. I've said I've spoken to someone attached to occupational health at my workplace who I found very helpful. I've also spoken to my line manager and my best friend.
I'm definately not at rock bottom.
Today has been a good day.

OP posts:
PleaseShare · 19/02/2020 00:53

Whilst I appreciate that you are trying to be helpful, it does seem like criticism.
OP knows exactly what you are saying, no need to keep repeating yourself. But she disagrees with you (as I do). I'm sure she will recognise when she will benefit from therapy and will seek it.
This thread is therapy enough for me at the moment.
The many posts of people's personal experiences are useful to read, thank you

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 19/02/2020 08:47

@PleaseShare Thankyou, that's how I feel. This thread, and especially the first thread that I had deleted has been a great help.
It's been good to be able to write down my thoughts and get other people's take on things.
DS counselling went well and he was chatting to me about it afterwards and wants to go next week, so that's positive.
He does seem to be taking the advice to socialise a bit too far and has been drinking more than I'd like (Never drinks at home, always in the pub with friends) but right now I'm pleased he feels able to go out.

OP posts:
speakout · 19/02/2020 11:17

PleaseShare

Please- this is not meant as criticism at all.

I accept that the OP and others are not in a place to consider a joyful life right now.
But perhaps others reading this thread may like to know that is possible.
And it is not about being uncaring or unfeeling, or washing your hands to allow a loved one to "get on with it".

Depression is a very cruel illness, and the tendrils are insidious. The impact can be felt by whole families.
I refuse to allow the illness to have a severe impact. I have other family members who deserve a happy fruitful life.
As do I.
And that does not stop me from giving my utmost to my son to support and love him.

It can be done.

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 19/02/2020 11:32

I'm certainly not at all living an "unjoyful" life!!
I'm seeing friends, dining with family, enjoying my pets, going to the theatre etc etc
But this doesn't mean my son's mental health doesn't make me sad, and I want to be with him every step of the way. If he's having a bad day then it makes me sad, but I don't sit indoors hand wringing. I still carry on with my life, but with a knot in my stomach.
And on a good day I rejoice with him.
I was the same when a love one had cancer, I think it's a natural response.
I don't see any other way of dealing with it so I think we will have to agree to disagree 😊

OP posts:
speakout · 19/02/2020 11:37

I don't see any other way of dealing with it

We will agree to disagree. X

madmumofteens · 19/02/2020 16:22

So happy to hear that your son is doing so well OP and I sincerely hope he continues to do so!! He is so very lucky to have such a lovely mum 💐

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 19/02/2020 16:34

Thanks @madmumofteens
Today he's not been so great, he's been sleepy and quiet. He took the dog out for 2 hours tho. I'm not panicking, I.know now that there will be blips.
He was out for a drink last night tho which I'm sure definitely doesn't help, but I can't seem to get the message throughConfused

OP posts:
madmumofteens · 19/02/2020 16:45

Oh sorry to hear that and drinking alcohol not good but they don't listen as I well know!! You are on high alert all the time just know I am thinking of you both take care xx

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 19/02/2020 16:58

ThankyouFlowers
I've made a nourishing chicken casserole for tea so at least I know he will eat properly tonight, as oppose to beer and kebabWink

OP posts:
Friendsofmine · 19/02/2020 18:11

I'm really sincerely sorry for the way my post came across. I just really feel for you because it took me years to move forward from your place.

Best of luck

Throckmorton · 19/02/2020 18:19

Heyup WhatNow - I'm glad things are improving! If your DS is worried about being jobless, would getting him to think of it as an opportunity help, eg are there any courses he would be interested in doing that he otherwise wouldn't have time for? There is superb free online stuff on websites like Coursera, EdX, etc. Then when he goes back into work he has something he can say he's been doing since his last job - if that is something that's worrying him. I don't think he should worry about this time out of work, but if it's bothering him, maybe this reframing of the situation could help.

redstararnie76 · 19/02/2020 19:13

Hi, only just seen your new thread. Really pleased to hear that he's on the ADs and that he has resigned; that sounds like really positive steps. From my own experience, I was warned that it could take 2-4 weeks for the ADs to work properly, and that was fairly accurate. During that time I found that I went up and down. The one thing that really helped me was going outside; I do running to help with my own mental health - when I'm really struggling I find it very hard to make myself run, but just going outside is really helpful I find, and I know others have said the same thing.

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 19/02/2020 19:30

@Friendsofmine No offence taken, Thank you Flowers
@Throckmorton That's a good idea, thankyou, I will mention it to DS
@redstararnie76 Thankyou, DS does walk the dog every day, he usually goes to the park where other dog walkers are so that's good, means they chat to him too.
This morning I was tempted to take the dog as DS felt rough, but I held back and I'm glad I did as he was out for 2 hours in the fresh air torrential rain

OP posts:
claffy123 · 20/02/2020 14:18

WhatNow during my son’s gap year, he made up flyers and basically touted himself round all the neighbouring roads at an hourly rate for basic gardening, dog walking etc - he got loads of work, was outside getting exercise, and then when he was interviewed following this period employers were particularly impressed with his initiative and motivation to do something himself. Just an idea...

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 20/02/2020 18:02

claffy123 that's an idea.
DS has a trade behind him so that's always useful. He just needs to get his confidence back.

Today has been a better day, he's seen a friend for lunch and walked the dog (in the rain again!)

I've just been reading another thread where someone was talking about different brands of sertraline making a difference to side effects. I picked up DS next box and they are a different brand. The last thing we need is for him to feel bad when he starts the new box, don't want anything to.put him off!
Has anyone noticed this? I'm wondering if he should take them.back and ask for the original brand?

OP posts:
speakout · 20/02/2020 18:15

All sertraline is the same- different brands are exactly the same chemical, same dosage.

Original poster
WhatNowFrantic · 20/02/2020 19:25

Yes I know that speakout but it does seem a 'thing' between different brands.
Also, my DD is on a lifelong medication and can only have one certain brand which the GP writes on the prescription, any other brand makes her sick.

OP posts:
Throckmorton · 20/02/2020 23:44

I'm pretty sure the sertraline should be fine regardless of brand. There are a few, but very few, drugs where the brand makes a difference - basically for drugs where it's very hard to make exact copies so there will be slight differences between the brands. I've had loads of different sertraline brands over time (depending on what brand the pharmacist has in at the time :) ) and I've never noticed any difference.