Had the police round this morning

[Notinthemood04]

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

news.sky.com/story/kiara-moore-death-girl-2-left-in-car-which-rolled-into-river-after-handbrake-was-off-11565105

This was the river one before I’m accused of sensationalism

The only scenarios in which this is irresponsible is...

There have been many cases where cars have caught fire - I think the Zafira was one particular model that had a fault that resulted in car fires.

I wouldn't leave a young child in a car alone. 2 minutes could easily turn into more than that if you are delayed by a teacher or another parent.
Also it's not really an argument to say she is no mire at risk than she is when you wait in the car with her. She is because she is alone and small children are unpredictable

Surely it makes sense to just swap the car seats around? Then the 7 year old can scuttle over and strap themselves in and you can sort the 3 year old?

That's a ridiculous complaint!

OP, you come across as lazy!
Either walk to school or get both children out of the car.,

I get three kids to school daily without leaving any of them in the car. 2, 3 and 9. It can be done.

No, I think the complaint and investigation was fair enough, and now you know you were on the wrong side of acceptable parenting, it's time to change your thinking and show you've learned from it all with a good grace.

Flabbergasted by the responses on here maybe it's an English thing, are schools really far away from the car parks or something? Where I am nobody would bat an eyelid at you leaving 4 yr old strapped in car seat with car locked to run across and get older child. I don't have younger children but it does take me 2 mins or less to pick up dc if I wait in the car until they're out. Hardly seems worth the hassle of wrangling another child.

Some parents at dc school take younger kids with them to tot about outside, some leave them in the car, depending on the temperament of the child/how long theyre going to be/where they've parked I imagine.

Child gets hit while left in the car versus gets hit while in your care.

Safer with you. A car left on the road more likely to get hit than you walking across a pavement and school yard.

Why is your three year old old enough to be left but your seven year old not old enough to walk a few steps ?

Ohhh so that’s what the police are doing instead of following up on burglaries and knife crime.

Lots of people up on their high horses OP. I guess it’s all fine until it isn’t and there are a couple of scary scenarios already mentioned. If you can see the car the whole time I would say the risk is a managed one. Think the police are being OTT and probably just flexing because you’re a naice mum who’s easier to intimidate than a yoof wiv a knife.

I too think some of the views on here about supervision/leaving children/letting them do things are way OTT (the whole 'at age 10 I just about felt comfortable letting my child walk to the next door neighbour's house with me following behind' type of posts), but I would never, ever do what you do, OP. Not until a child was much older.

Generally, if the police don’t see it as a problem, they won’t tell you not to do it.

But feel free to ignore them (and everyone here).

OP I have done the same, when it's for less than 2 minutes and I can see the car the entire time. It's the same as leaving your kids in the car to pay for petrol. Or does everyone on here take their kids out of their car seats and into the kiosk each time? I really don't think social services will be too worried.
Also FWIW, the only children I have ever seen misbehaving in parked cars have been much older children who should know better, not the 3 year olds securely strapped into their car seats.

Its interesting your post doesn't mention the risk of her getting out of her seat and opening the door onto the road to follow you. I think you might not have thought about it from this angle.
Children have also played with electric windows - stuck their head out and put the window up fatally injuring their wind pipe.

Ohhh so that’s what the police are doing instead of following up on burglaries and knife crime.

Round our way they do both.

I’d be shocked if I saw a three year old in a car by themselves but mainly because it’s not the done thing. I see parent do far far more dangerous things all time but they are more socially acceptable (such as allowing children to play in water while they drink by the pool keeping half an eye out).
People assess risk weirdly, if you are doing something no one else does with a small risk they will see it as more dangerous because it’s unusual.

I would never do this either. I know it's tricky because it takes far longer sometimes to wrestle them in and out of their car seat and the additional time for little legs walking etc but I'm always haunted by a news story about two young children who were in a car that caught on fire - they'd only been left a couple of minutes. I know it's super rare but these things can happen and just isn't worth the risk IMO. I've actually reported someone myself who frequently left a very upset toddler in the car to go into a supermarket where she definitely couldn't be seen. I know this is a little different but I can see why someone was worried.

I think from the comments you should be able to see that 99% think you should not leave your toddler unattended in a car. It is still your choice of course, but I would have alerted Children's Safeguarding if I saw it happen. Anybody could smash into the car while parked. It does happen and even if a minor shunt didn't physically injure the child, just think how terrified he'd be. If the whole thing takes just 2 minutes that means less than one minute to get your daughter into school. Unless it's an unusually dangerous area I'd be fine with a 7 year old making their own way in, presumably along with loads of other kids.
Definitely YABU

I think there’s been a bit of fudging of the facts from OP here.

She says it’s a 2 minute journey to take her 7yo to school, and apparently the 7yo can’t make that journey (1 minute if it’s 2 minutes there and back for OP) but OP only walks 8 metres. That’s not 2 minutes. So OP is metres away from the car and within sight of it to see her 3yo when this man reported her? Doubtful.

Anyway, OP there are really simple solutions here that you seem to be vehemently opposed to for some reason.

Switch the car seats and have the 7year old climb across to the pavement side so no-one is getting out in the road. Then stand right beside your car and watch her go in.

You've said that you're parking just metres from the school gate, surely there must be plenty of other parents walking past, could you not ask someone to walk your child to the school? I frequently walk other children to the gate so parents don't have to get babies out of the car.

For the record, I wouldn't dream of leaving my child unattended in car, it's just not worth the risk.

Glad that she reported you! Why is getting a child out of a car unsafe?
Leaving them in there while you're gone will be distressing. Not only the risk of someone hitting the car, but children can get out of their seat and knock the handbrake off. I've seen a car go through a shop window where the child did the same thing. It rolled and then went straight through the window.

So many mums do this at my dd school. They say they are only away for a few minutes, but are often gone for twenty minutes or more.

She told me the first report was 16th December and the 2nd was today. A man approached me last year just as I got back in the car, knocked on the window and I asked if I thought it was acceptable to leave my younger child in the car. I happened to see him again this morning and the police arrive 2 hours later...no witch hunt required to find out who it was. I won't be approaching him, he knows nothing about me.

We started driving to school as DD2 had classes 2 days a week that we could only get to on time if we drove straight from school. She doesn't go any more so it'll be a combination of walking on the better days, and getting either DD to climb across so that neither of them are getting out into the road when we have to drive.

You claim it is just 8 metres from your car to the school gate... dies the school not have yellow zig zags outside? The yellow zigs outside my school AND the school my children went to stretch the width of the school gates PLUS two semi detached houses either side..it’s not possible to park as close as eight metres without parking ILLEGALLY on the zig zags..... I think you are underestimating the distance, my car is nearly five metres long so you claim to be less than two car lengths from school gates? Not adding up for me....

Too young I would not do this.