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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had the police round this morning

539 replies

Notinthemood04 · 04/02/2020 17:49

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/02/2020 19:17

I’d have reported to the police and safeguard lead at school too. Three is way too young to be left unsupervised.

SisterAgatha · 04/02/2020 19:17

My mum left me in the car at 3. I rolled down the window and climbed out. Walked up and down the road looking for her (busy London street, 30mph) until a lady found me and took me in to a shop. We waited till she came back and I remember her seeing the open window and screaming.

You could save yourself all that and just take the kid with you like everyone else?

OctopusTea · 04/02/2020 19:18

Park a bit further away where it is safer to open the doors and take a buggy in your boot if you think 3 year old can't manage the walk.

The fact of the matter is you can't do it again after getting a warning or you could get in more trouble so you need to accept that and work out a sensible plan that will work rather than being a martyr about it now.

PepePig · 04/02/2020 19:18

@bobstersmum

Because none of us know how OP appears to other parents. It's easy to assume she comes across as a lovely, friendly, stereotypical middle class mum who wouldn't say boo to a goose, but the chances of her being all those things is minimal. She may come across quite unapproachable due to any number of things (whether we like it or not, people judge other people and make assumptions).

Not to mention, critising someone's parenting is very unlikely to go down well... well, ever. People are passionate about their babies. People also don't like being told they're doing something wrong. Add these two situations together, and you've got a blow up on your hands.

It's much easier (and safer) to anonymously report your concerns about a child to SS, the school, police etc. They have the power and the means to follow it up, and intervene if necessary. It also means you don't get a tonne of abuse and/or put your own child at the end of another child's bullying because of what your mum did to their mum.

Either way, OP was making a mistake and she should accept it.

JosefKeller · 04/02/2020 19:18

Either the car is so close the 7 year old could safely walk to school whilst his mum looks..

or not so close at all, which is more likely, and it's wrong to leave the 3 years old.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 04/02/2020 19:18

I don’t believe for a second that a parent reported you for being 8 metres away from your car.

wherehavealltheflowersgone · 04/02/2020 19:19

When I was about 7 years old my mum left me in the car while she popped to the shops. I was very sensible, just sat still as instructed. However the car had a mechanical failure and started rolling down the road. It was terrifying and major tragedy was only averted by a passing driver blocking the car's progress with his own car. Massive crash.

Don't do it OP. It's not that big a deal to take her out. You're upset because you know the police officer is right and you've been called out on it.

CameronG · 04/02/2020 19:19

I kind of sympathise. I have a two year old and it’s a pain having to take her out of the car and walk two mins to the school to drop off/pick up 5 year old. Especially when it’s pelting down and she walks at a snails pace.

I’d never leave her alone though. In a million years. The driving and parking around our school is insane for one.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 04/02/2020 19:19

There is no way I would have left a child that young alone like that. I know it’s a pain to get them out of the car and then back in again, especially if it’s raining. That’s why I used to put mine in the pushchair and walk the mile each way taking the older one to school.

MincePiesGetInMyBelly · 04/02/2020 19:19

If you have to drive, why not park a little further away where it's safer to get her out? Or is that too much effort?!

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 19:20

I'm surprised it's taken this long for someone to report you if you've been doing this since your toddler was 2 and a half.

Perhaps that's where the original "several" reports came from, because there may have been a few over the past year, but the police have been too overstretched to deal with it.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 04/02/2020 19:20

nowhere near old enough to walk to the school gates by herself.

But then later you say she does? You watch her from 8 metres away from your car.

CalleighDoodle · 04/02/2020 19:21

Let your 7 year old walk in alone tomorrow. 8 meters to the gate on the correct aide of the road? Why even get out?!

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 04/02/2020 19:21

I’m afraid that I would have reported you to the school too OP as I think that what you were doing was unsafe. Please don’t go on a witch hunt to track down those that did, they obviously had your child’s safety as their main concern.

JKScot4 · 04/02/2020 19:21

I think you need to work on your 7 yr old being able to walk 8 metres within your sight, how does she manage walking across the playground to her line? It’s all sounding ridiculous 🙄

YappityYapYap · 04/02/2020 19:21

I don't get your logic OP. Your 7 year old is too young to walk into the school alone but your 3 year old is old enough to be left in a car where you can't see her? It's not about what she might do, it's about what might happen. A car could crash into yours, someone could smash the window and take her and something could happen to you meaning she is left there.

You know what you're doing isn't right and you should stop doing it. It's not a choice you've had taken away, you were being lazy and have now been told to stop being lazy and put safety first

MooseyMoo · 04/02/2020 19:22

@Notinthemood04 Is it possible to walk to school? Sounds like this might be the easier option when they are both at school ....

AnyOldSpartabix · 04/02/2020 19:22

You’re walking a few meters away from the car, on the same side of the road. Is it on a hill?

I’d do it too. Mumsnet is weird about these kinds of things. Astonished that the police wasted their time and yours. No wonder they’ve no time for solving crime.

Back to walking to school?

SoupDragon · 04/02/2020 19:22

I'm a pretty lax parent but there is no way I would leave my 3 year old in a car parked on a busy road.

Listen to the police.

Moomin12345 · 04/02/2020 19:22

What on earth is unsafe about leaving a child in a locked car for a few minutes? What if she did take her and all three got run over on the way to the school? Anything can happen. The only scenarios in which this is irresponsible is 1) hot weather, 2) zombie apocalypse, 3) leaving the car on a slope next to a cliff.

SisterAgatha · 04/02/2020 19:23

Yeah there was that horrible story of the girl who was drowned when the hand brake failed and the car rolled in to a river.

And this happened locally. www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-arrested-after-car-stolen-in-enfield-with-baby-and-young-girl-inside-a7145331.html

I know that shop, it’s about 4 steps from car to pavement.

mclover · 04/02/2020 19:23

YABU

MadisonAvenue · 04/02/2020 19:23

She's way too young to be left. I know someone who thought their young child couldn't get out of his seat and open the door but he did when left alone outside of a shop and was in the road when his father came back.

And there's absolutely no reason why you have to get your children out of the car on the roadside.

CalleighDoodle · 04/02/2020 19:23

Op ffs just switch the carseats around! Then nobody gets out on the road except you.

Maybe they referred to social services because you can’t see the simplest option?

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 04/02/2020 19:24

Sorry op, I think 3 is far too young to be left too. When I pick my niece up twice a week I put two 2 years olds in to the double buggy and take them with me, I wouldn't even dream of leaving them even though it would be so much easier.

If your parked on the same side as the school, with the gates in full view I think it would be safer to let your 7 year old walk in the gates themselves with you watching them.