Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had the police round this morning

539 replies

Notinthemood04 · 04/02/2020 17:49

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 04/02/2020 22:56

I reported her to the class teacher though.

Anotheruser02 · 04/02/2020 22:59

I don't think it's a big deal if it's literally 8 metres in a straight line. Isn't that a couple of car lengths? A two minute walk away is a big deal I could get way further than that in a whole minute, but if that's the distance then you are probably over estimating the time?

SwansGlide · 04/02/2020 23:06

It would literally never occur to me to leave a 3yo in the car on their own.

Mycatwontstopstaring · 04/02/2020 23:10

@Tyrozet obviously a 7 year old should not be walking through a car park alone, that would be way worse than leaving the 3 yr old in the car!

Sorry you’ve had a crappy day OP. Around here people often leave their toddler napping in the car while the adults are in the house. And actually there’s a mother who locks her baby in the car while she takes her older child a few hundred metres to school. I wouldn’t leave a child alone in a car (remember those cars with exploding engines? And the kid who took the handbrake off and rolled into the river?!) but your decision isn’t as unusual as people are saying.

BennytheBall · 04/02/2020 23:43

In all the long years I was a parent at primary, I don’t think I ever saw anyone do this.

You’re wrong op. It’s not appropriate.

MyHairIsSoapy · 04/02/2020 23:48

The dad was right to contact the police, they were right to refer to SS.
He did what all MN advises people to do, say something to you or the police.

NewName54321 · 04/02/2020 23:55

Someone has reported a concern to the police.
The police, who are not short of things to do, have visited to follow this up.
They have given the op advice as to how to keep their child safe.
The op has decided to ignore this.

Of course the police are going to have to report to social services.

Op has shown them that she is unable to assess risk, make safe decisions to protect her children and act on advice to improve this going forward. If she can't or won't protect her children then somebody else has to. That somebody is social services.

OlaEliza · 05/02/2020 00:05

AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe?

YANBU. Your risk assessment, your decision imo.

mum11970 · 05/02/2020 00:05

I’d hazard a guess the dad is actually a police officer himself.

Torchlightt · 05/02/2020 00:20

Some of these posts are simply barking. You think OP should get a criminal record for leaving a child in a locked car for 2 minutes!!
The policewoman is insane too. End of primary age and you're not supposed to leave them in a car for a couple of minutes?!

nogooddeedgoesunpunished · 05/02/2020 00:20

I left my child (same age as yours) strapped into a 5 point harness car seat in my car in my drive while I took shopping into the house. 2 bags, 1 trip straight into the kitchen and I didn't stop to unpack them.
In the time it took to do that he had undone his clips for the first time and was in the front seat triumphantly wrestling with the steering wheel and attempting to click the hand brake .
It's too big a risk to take and you may find children's services ask you about other little risks you may be taking with your children. Yes it's a pain but you would never forgive yourself if something were to happen which is probably where the other parent was coming from when they reported this.

Boomdog101 · 05/02/2020 00:32

Would it be an option for the 10 year old to meet you at the car. Saves all the faff with the car seat. Just a thought.

1Wildheartsease · 05/02/2020 00:33

My daughter managed to choke while 'safely' strapped into her car seat.

She had found a grape somewhere, held on to it and then chose that moment to swallow it. The thing blocked her wind-pipe completely.

Luckily I was present and although not much of a first aider managed to get her out and upside down and got the thing projected out of her just in time. Leaving her for those particular minutes would have been fatal.

I frisked her whenever putting her in the seat after that... but suddenly understood that children and babies are surrounded by potential ( unforeseen) accidents and that they get away with this because we are always around - keeping them safer.

It is tiring but one of our jobs and absolutely vital.

DecemberSnow · 05/02/2020 00:35

@BrigidSt

Intrigued to know how old you are...
Walked to school alone at 7.... Usual in the 80's, but there certainly wasn't many cars with child seats, seatbelts etc....

DecemberSnow · 05/02/2020 00:37

@BrigidSt

A child at 7, is not safe to walk to school alone

NigellaAwesome · 05/02/2020 00:41

I’d hazard a guess the dad is actually a police officer himself

Where do you get that from?

Hollyhobbi · 05/02/2020 00:56

Jeepers can the 10 year old not walk into school herself?! My eldest was getting a public bus to school on her own at that age!

RUSU92 · 05/02/2020 00:59

The policewoman is insane too. End of primary age and you're not supposed to leave them in a car for a couple of minutes?! Torch, I think its the 3 year old who's being left, not the older child?

RUSU92 · 05/02/2020 01:01

Sorry, just realised that you mean the theoretical 10 year old!

StoppinBy · 05/02/2020 01:57

If it is as you describe then yes I would leave my child for those couple of minutes too.

Posters saying that car might get crashed in to are being ridiculous.......... the car is no more likely to be in hit in those couple of minutes than it is if you were to sit there and have a chat to your kids before school or if you are really unlucky those two minutes could be used to get your child out of the car just as the imagined 'car crash' happens and then you will all be squished dead anyway. How silly!

NicEv · 05/02/2020 02:23

I can’t believe there are people who don’t think this is unreasonable! Just take your little one in to school with you to do drop off, how hard can that be?!

NSPCC advice on this is really clear - leaving a three year old alone is risky.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/cars/illegal-leave-child-alone-in-car-258604%3famp

And if you are doing this every day, leaving your three year old alone in the same spot at the same time every day, you are risking abduction by someone who notices your routine. Your justifications will be the same ones Madeline McCann’s parents made - I am sure they wish they had not left her alone and had kept her safe, however inconvenient it was

BigChocFrenzy · 05/02/2020 02:39

"A child at 7, is not safe to walk to school alone"

Funny how they are expected to do this at age 6 in Germany, where I live
It's regarded as a normal part of development

Leaving a 3-year-old in a car would be frowned on here too

  • but I don't know if it would be reportable, especially if it's just for a few minutes.
mum11970 · 05/02/2020 04:00

Nigella I hazard a guess the dad is a police officer because a policewoman calling at the home address of someone who has supposedly left a child in their car for two minutes, within view, on two occasions is somewhat of an over reaction and would involve the going through the DVLA to find the OPs address (as OP insinuates she doesn’t know the man personally). Young children are left alone in the car for two minutes daily, all over the country and the police generally have much more important things to do with their time. Even schools that have major problems with parking, putting children in more significant danger only generally warrant a walk-by/visit from the local PCSO.

kingkuta · 05/02/2020 05:50

mum11970 the OP said upthread that she has left her child for 12 months not on 2 occasions. Its 2 seperate complaints to the police. I bet its longer than 2 minutes and you cant see the car either otherwise youd just watch the elder child walk the 10 metres into school. Makes no sense.

kingkuta · 05/02/2020 05:51

And she doesn't even know this man is one if the people who reported her, it's pure speculation