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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had the police round this morning

539 replies

Notinthemood04 · 04/02/2020 17:49

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

OP posts:
Sickofpineneedles · 04/02/2020 20:48

I will point out if I was late and didn't get the prime spot then the baby got woken up and we went and waited in the school yard.

damaged888 · 04/02/2020 20:50

Can you see the car at all times? Only time I leave any of my kids alone in the car is when I'm paying for fuel, and I can see the car the whole time, also it's definitely safer than taking them all across the fore court.

coolwalking · 04/02/2020 20:54

You need to work on your older childs confidence walking to school from the car.

8m is a few steps - how do they cope walking around school when you're not there all day?

Schwesterherz · 04/02/2020 20:54

Pmsl reading these posts. What is wrong with people. Yes, it's a risk. So is taking your kids to a playground where the equipment is poorly maintained..my sister has a huge, twisted, raised scar on her inner thigh from a poorly welded piece of metal in the school playground. It was patched up by the slightly pervy male art teacher. But it was 1988, so my parents just changed the dressings. Shocked but not surprised at police getting involved, have heard similar stories near us.

Aridane · 04/02/2020 20:56

Isn't this a bit like leaving a little one in the car in the garage forecourt while going to pay?

Babdoc · 04/02/2020 20:57

When I was a kid, I walked to school alone from the age of 5, as did all my classmates.
Surely your 10 year old is capable of getting from the car to the school gate without you needing to accompany them? They’ll be going to high school next year, and will be mortified if their friends see them being escorted by mummy. I’d just stay in the car with your younger child, as the simplest way to thwart the busybody who’s been reporting you.

Littlepeak34 · 04/02/2020 20:57

When I fill my car up with petrol and walk to the kiosk, I have a couple of times (if pay at pump not available), left DS in car while I pay. He is nearly 3 and I can always see my car (locked). I am constantly watching and I feel uneasy even though he is close, car is locked and I can see him.

I don’t think I could do what you are doing. Not at 3.

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2020 20:59

I also wouldn't leave a small child alone in the car. Either take her with you or stand outside the car and watch your daughter walk the distance. Or take them both.

ChicCroissant · 04/02/2020 21:01

So the Police thought it was worthwhile coming round to speak to you about it, they are reporting it to Social Services and yet the OP is still convinced those agencies are wrong? Why do you think they called round in the first place and didn't simply ignore the report then, OP?

whatevertr · 04/02/2020 21:04

Honest opinion is that she is far too young to be left in the car unattended and you are fucking lazy to not just take her with you. I bet there has been more than one parent talking about this.

Agreed.

Also, 8m?? Do you actually know how long a metre is?

purpleboy · 04/02/2020 21:07

A child in dds school let the handbrake off a couple of weeks ago whilst mum was waiting for older child. The car rolled back missed 2 children and mum by millimetres and crashed into the side of a parked car, which guess what.... had a toddler left inside unattended. Child had to be taken to hospital with a broken leg! It was utterly horrifying.
Your child could be either of those, I'm just not sure I can see the point when something potentially life changing can occur?

monstersltd · 04/02/2020 21:07

He is strapped in, can't get out, wouldn't try and knows not to try

Until the first time. Knowing they shouldn't is very different from not doing it.

MrsAgassi · 04/02/2020 21:09

I'm just trying to work out how you manage to park in the same spot, close to the school, every day?

CJsGoldfish · 04/02/2020 21:14

It depends totally on whether the car is out of sight at any point.

Sounds like it is, or at least your first post makes it sound so. Details seemed to change a little when no one agreed with you and it seems a little unclear.

I can't imagine anyone reporting you if you were within sight of the vehicle so I'm pretty sure you are not.
I would never leave a child that young unattended in a car I could not see at all times.
If, on the off chance, you can see the car, I think your 7 yr old needs to walk to the gate herself. I'd at least put myself halfway between so child 1 is reassured while I watch her and child 2 is under my complete supervision as well

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 21:15

I'm just trying to work out how you manage to park in the same spot, close to the school, every day?

Yes and for a whole year?

99problemsandthecatis1 · 04/02/2020 21:22

I find threads like this bonkers. People up in arms about you leaving a child strapped in a locked car for a few minutes but another poster concerned about two young children left alone at home for 20minutes was "sticking her nose in". I'm a social worker, and can honestly say we'd not even call you about it, but the ones leaving the kids at home, we'd be on them like a tonne of bricks.

Abraid2 · 04/02/2020 21:23

This is a complete overreaction by the policewoman.

And if a ten-year old who hasn’t got SNs or some kind of anxiety can’t be left in a car for two minutes, something has gone very wrong.

Abraid2 · 04/02/2020 21:26

The car rolled back missed 2 children and mum by millimetres and crashed into the side of a parked car, which guess what.... had a toddler left inside unattended*

So the mother being in the car would have exerted some force preventing the car from rolling back?

DecemberSnow · 04/02/2020 21:27

You think leaving a 3 year old in a car alone
Is less dangerous than getting them out and crossing the road???

If the road is that dangerous, surely the car you very small child is in, could get crashed into?

DecemberSnow · 04/02/2020 21:29

@Abraid2

OP's child is 3 not 10

Abraid2 · 04/02/2020 21:30

Th policewoman’s child is ten.

SunshineCake · 04/02/2020 21:33

Being able to see your car does not give you powers to stop another car hitting it.

Poppyfieldsummerdays · 04/02/2020 21:43

No. You do not do that.

Tyrozet · 04/02/2020 21:48

How far away are you parked that your 7yo can't walk to the gates herself with you watching?

independentfriend · 04/02/2020 21:50

Haven't read the whole thread, but think:

  • how busy is the road you need to cross to get into school? Is it quiet enough you can teach the 7 year old how to cross it safely so you can literally drop her off, rather than walking her onto the playground?
  • is there somewhere else you could park and safely let your 7 year old out to walk to the school gates without needing to cross a [too busy] road?
  • can you park somewhere else, so the person who has probably reported you is less likely to see your car?
  • recruit another parent arriving by car with a pre-school age child - one of you stays in the car park and watches both cars, the other takes all the older children to the school gate?
  • depending on the layout of the school, ask them to adjust the entrances to create a safe dropping off point / fund a lollipop person on any roads they need to cross.