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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to report this mum to child protection?

164 replies

RZX44 · 04/02/2020 15:45

Serious thread, looking for real advice. I think I need to contact social services but Im worried about the consequences for the child.

My son 13 has come home and told me that his mate, lets call him Jack, has been off school for 4 days because his mum has been too pissed to drive him in (he lives a long way away.) Today Jack has come to our house after school because his mum hasnt showed up to collect him. Apparently she normally drops him to school and picks him up, thoroughly pissed. Jacks parents are separated and dad is a waste of space I gather and only last year passed Jack back to his mums care, fully aware of her issues. So Jack is either gets a lift with his pissed mum, if shes concious, else he cant make school.

But school is Jacks constant. If I tell someone would he be removed from his mum? And maybe the school too? Hes a really nice lad too, so sad. Not saying anything doesnt seem an option, but saying something and who knows what happens. Can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Edel2019 · 04/02/2020 15:47

I would 100% tell his teacher. Tomorrow morning. That's all you have to do and they will take it from there. If necessary they will deal with further authorities but none of that will involve you.

GrimDamnFanjo · 04/02/2020 15:49

Yes contact the school. If he's missed more than the odd day then it's likely they are already managing this situation.

Motacilla · 04/02/2020 15:49

I know it feels awful but you do need to share what you have been told with the school. They will know how to handle the information and can find a way to support the lad (and his Mum), how they do that will depend on what comes to light and the local resources but if they don't know then they can't help.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 04/02/2020 15:51

Yes something needs to be done. Have you talked to Jack himself about whether he feels safe? Perhaps you should involve the school about whether they have any concerns. Yes I think you should speak to Social Services, they may not knee jerk straight into taking him off her, are there other family members who may be able to help support the family? This is not really your responsibility, the family needs professional support

Stuckforthefourthtime · 04/02/2020 15:51

You can call NSPCC, they're used to people not knowing who or whether to call, and can pass on your concerns anonymously.

The bar to take children away from their parents is very high (sometimes too high). He needs the support and sounds like his mum might too. Social services may well already be aware of issues, and this further information will be helpful too.

I would 100% call in your position. Don't mention further to your son, as you don't want it to get back to the mum or dad if they get angry about a social worker turning up. In the meantime is there a nice way that your son can ask Jack if he needs a lift in to school?

Selfsettling3 · 04/02/2020 15:51

Contact SSA. Remember you are not reporting a Mum, you are reporting concerns about a child.

Elephantonascooter · 04/02/2020 15:51

Removal from the parents is the last resort. Ss are rather stretched and so try and avoid removal if they can.
They will offer the mum support, parenting classes, alcohol issues support if that's her issue and any other issues they can highlight to help her with. Inky upon her refusal of this help will the child be removed.
Please report them. I have done it myself, to a family member. It didn't feel good. But that child may not know where to turn.
If you're concerned, chances are someone else is as well and she may be greatful for the help, I know the person i reported is

Original poster
RZX44 · 04/02/2020 15:52

Why tell school everyone? Genuinely interested why not go straight to child protection, especially given to my mind he is in imminent danger if she collects him later and them brings him to school tomorrow?

OP posts:
Selfsettling3 · 04/02/2020 15:54

RZX44 I always wonder this too. I think sometimes people think it’s a softer approach but it’s like reporting a fire to the police.

Social services the correct place to report child protection concerns unless you are worried the child is in immediate danger in which case the police are the people to contact.

blissfulllife · 04/02/2020 15:54

I agree OP ring children's services rather than wait for school

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 04/02/2020 15:55

I dont think the school can be the only support. While it si tempting to think that it is the responsibility of the school to alert Social Services, it really is not. Any member of the public who has seen concern, has the responsibility to act. It is no good, as people do, to say I told the school, the nurse, the health visitor, the doctor. This is harsh advice but the correct one. No one likes doing this, but everytime things go wrong there are people who have not grasped the nettle, just told someone else hopin they will. Schools are non Child Protection experts

noeyedeer · 04/02/2020 15:56

School will have a safeguarding officer. That safeguarding person may well already know exactly who to contact about Jack in SS. School also know you, so it'll be easier to join the dots.

yellowallpaper · 04/02/2020 15:57

Contact the school or NSPCC because they are legally bound to make a report as a safeguarding issue to social services and it follows the proper channels then. A call to social services is ok, but may end up lost in a load of paperwork. Carries more weight if it comes from school.

MinnieMountain · 04/02/2020 15:58

Report to SS tonight. They know that school might be a child's only constant, so try to keep them at the same one.

D4rwin · 04/02/2020 16:00

School would contact child services. From my experiences as a child SS don't remove children from useless alchohlics. Shame really.

Original poster
RZX44 · 04/02/2020 16:00

Might cover my bases and do both...school and ss!

OP posts:
OctopusTea · 04/02/2020 16:01

If he has missed 4 days the school would surely already be in contact with his mum to find out what's going on ? And perhaps already flagged to SS if there are other signs.

You could report to SS as well as the school maybe ?

Could you give him a lift home this evening just to make sure he is safe and contact and report ASAP ?

Seaandsand83 · 04/02/2020 16:02

School will have a designated safeguarding team. They will be able to contact the correct people whilst also providing support for 'Jack'. I would definitely phone up or go in first thing tomorrow.

nomoneyinmuck · 04/02/2020 16:04

How do you know mum is "pissed".

Undies1990 · 04/02/2020 16:06

If the mum comes to yours later today to pick up Jack and is drink driving, surely you would call the police and report her?

literalsunshine · 04/02/2020 16:06

Id be in 2 minds to contact police as well in hope that they could catch her driving whilst drunk. They might do it while she has the child in the car which won't be nice but something needs to be done.

GivenchyDahhling · 04/02/2020 16:08

I’m a teacher and I think in your position I would go to the school safeguarding officer as they are probably already aware of the unstable home life and so will have a file and contact at social services - and if not; will know the right person to speak to and whether something immediately needs to be done. It’s only just gone 4 so I imagine someone related to safeguarding is still in school if you call. I would only call SS if the school advised me to also do so.

Gatewaytochocolate · 04/02/2020 16:08

Ring SS. The mum clearly needs some support

Gingerkittykat · 04/02/2020 16:08

Do you have enough details about her to notify the police about the drink driving.

I know it is unlikely you have her registration details but if you know her full name and when she drops off and picks up then I'm sure they can get the car details from the DVLA database.

The women should not be in a car drunk at all, especially with a child on board.

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 04/02/2020 16:09

The school will have many contacts with ss and deal with them regularly. It will probably be faster and if the school is in the loop and initiates it, they will be able to do their best to ensure that Jack gets the support he needs at school as well. It will also mean that there is no fall back on you or your ds from Jack as you wouldn’t be the direct reason for the ss visit.