...to report this mum to child protection?

[RZX44]

Serious thread, looking for real advice. I think I need to contact social services but Im worried about the consequences for the child.

My son 13 has come home and told me that his mate, lets call him Jack, has been off school for 4 days because his mum has been too pissed to drive him in (he lives a long way away.) Today Jack has come to our house after school because his mum hasnt showed up to collect him. Apparently she normally drops him to school and picks him up, thoroughly pissed. Jacks parents are separated and dad is a waste of space I gather and only last year passed Jack back to his mums care, fully aware of her issues. So Jack is either gets a lift with his pissed mum, if shes concious, else he cant make school.

But school is Jacks constant. If I tell someone would he be removed from his mum? And maybe the school too? Hes a really nice lad too, so sad. Not saying anything doesnt seem an option, but saying something and who knows what happens. Can anyone advise?

If you want to cover all bases ring SS and talk to the school.
But definitely go into school tomorrow and ask to talk to their safeguarding officer and tell them what you know,show any messages if there are any. They might already have concerns about him, looking into his school absences etc. and have a better position to involve SS from. They might already be involved.

SS won't remove straight away they'll check what's going on, see what support mum needs and what help they can give before looking at removal.

Don't be put off by PP's. Spending 4 days with a mum who is too drunk to do a school run is not a run in the park either, and it's unfair he has to miss on his education because of it. Not to mention the danger aspect of being in a car with a drunk driver.

Jeez can't you just take jack home and see if she's ok I think rushing in and reporting like that jack won't be friends with your son for much longer
It's not the OP's job to be trying to get involved with a stranger's ability to parent.

Plus, where there's safeguarding concerns it is best to allow the relevant professionals do their job and that means not getting involved.

Honestly, there's utter nonsense on here regarding safeguarding at times.

Social Services do lots other than simply wading in and removing a child. There may be many ways they can help.

But that's besides the point, if you are concerned enough to post then you should report.

It won't be difficult to find out how to report, just Google and you'll find your local number. The reporting process isn't difficult. They will ask some questions and most likely won't need to get back to you or involve you any further.

If you are put off because it seems like a huge thing to do, it's really not. Social services get many reports and help many families. It doesn't always need to be a draconian intervention.

This is so sad. You should tell the school who will then tell SS. what is so sad is that due to his age and the fact she is a drunk all they will do is suggest parenting classes etc. I don't know if they will even offer him counselling. They tend to focus on helping the parent. The poor boy should keep his head down, work on school as much as possible and try and focus on his future life as much as possible. He shouldn't get bogged down with his mothers problems. In five more years please god he gets into college/employment and moves away from her. Children can survive these types of childhoods if they tend not to get caught up in the parents drama. He has to cut and run.

Police 're drunk driving.
School.
Social services.
Asap.

Agree with PPs who have said speak to the school (particularly if you have a good relationship with them) or NSPCC (if you have doubts about the school). Both will have clear procedures to follow and a quicker route to SS involvement.

I know it feels hard and in some way a betrayal but Jack clearly needs extra support, as likely does his mum.

I agree with a PP - police need to be informed about her driving. She needs to be banned from driving before she has/causes an accident.

She also clearly needs some support asap. SS need to work with her on that. I know what it's like trying to raise children alone and turning to drink for comfort. I managed to stop before it got that bad but I easily could be where she is.

If a child needs to live away from home temporarily, they will almost always keep them at the same school.

Speaking as an nex-teacher. Contact the school. As for the contact details of the safe guarding officer. Preferably in an e-mail, detail your concerns. She will be legally obliged to follow this up. If the school feels the child is in imminent danger they won't even let the mum pick up her son. Social Services tends to respond much faster to schools than private individuals.

He needs systems in place to help him and his mum. Speak to the school.
I'm not sure where you are based but NSPCC could help too.
Social services tend to be more about the child (rightly so) but other networks can support and work with the family.

You 100% need to report her to the Police for drink driving and also to the school and children’s social care. They won’t automatically remove him from his mother. They will do a detailed and lengthy assessment on the family and find out what is going on. If necessary they will refer the family for an initial case conference. This is a multi agency setting where all the agencies involved with the family, ie school, hv if appropriate, etc, meet and share the information and concerns that they have for the family. A decision will then be made how to move forward, support the family and safeguard the children. A child can’t advocate for themselves so it’s important adults step up when they see something that concerns them.

Contact the school. They will already have a contact at Social Services and will be able to go to the appropriate people immediately, they will also know the family and if it's a bigger part of something else that is going on. I do safe guarding for a sports organisation which the school also use and if I have to make a report I will often speak to the school to let them know and they will often take the details and deal with it rather than me going to SS as it's more effective when they do it. Obviously I don't go to them with everything but if I know it's one of their pupils I do if it's serious enough to warrant it.

I'm a Designated Safeguarding Lead in a school. OP, ring the school tomorrow, or pop in and ask to speak to the DSL. Jack may already be open to Children's Services. If he is, the DSL will pass your concerns on to the allocated social worker. If he isn't then the DSL will refer him to Children's services. Previous posters are correct that you could refer the matter yourself, by calling your local MASH (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub) but the first thing they would do is probably contact the school anyway to ask for information about the child/family and whether they've had any concerns. I can tell you Children's Services won't action anything tonight.
I understand your concerns about removal but honestly, this is so very unlikely to happen. Removing a child from their parent is a complicated process, that requires a great deal of evidence and only happens as a last resort. Honestly, you would be amazed at some of the abusive situations I've encountered where children have been allowed to remain with their parents despite years of Child Protection level intervention and no improvement.
Also, Children's Services will not pull Jack out of school. Not only do they not have the authority to do this but it would not be in Jack's interest in any way. They will be concerned about his lack of attendance, specifically the allegation that Mum's alcohol use is preventing him from accessing school.
As for posters suggesting OP have Jack to stay with her, not only is this a huge ask but it really isn't that simple. Regardless of any allegations against her, Jack's Mum is still legally responsible for him and has rights that go along with that. He cannot be placed with OP or even with a relative, without Parental permission.

I actually think you should call the police and SS.

The police to check on her welfare.
SS to deal with the situation.
Good luck!

Since Jack is home for today, I'd speak to school tomorrow. You don't know if any of this is true. School can and will investigate it. If there has been a change in primary carer; his mum turns up drunk for every drop-off and collection; and he's just missed four days of school, then the school will probably already be aware. Although they won't be able to share any of their concerns, information or actions with you.

Please run him a bath and give him a hot meal and offer him all the support he needs/ a place to stay tonight.

This is why you shouldn’t wait until morning to call SS.
They need to know that you’ve a) kept him at yours
And b) are trying to help him.

Ah I didn’t realise you’d sent him home.
That must have been hard for you OP. I don’t think I’d have been able to let a child go to that situation.

She absolutely needs to be reported to the school & social services.

Imagine the guilt you'd feel if she was drunk driving, yet again, caused a crash and killed your son's friend, or a third party, and you had done nothing to try and stop it?

My mother used to do this (although I didn’t miss school because of it to be fair). I didn’t bother telling anyone. If I’d ended up in foster care it would have been a disaster. As it stands I survived the drunk driving and am doing very well now. I don’t immediately jump to you must report because of my own experience. Nonetheless I think you should report it. If it’s so bad that he’s missing school frequently it’s having an adverse effect on him and needs to be dealt with.

School will probably already be talking to social services, but call both times be certain. I know a family that have recently taken in their DD's friend to live with them in eerily similar circumstances, except the girl is 15, nearly 16 (social services were amazing and got my friend approved as foster carers so the girl could stay with them through GCSEs this year and a levels). It's so sad that it's not that rare

I know it's hard but I think you have to report. If there is a crash and Jack is harmed you will feel guilty because you could have prevented it.

You would be acting on hearsay and you are not sure what the truth is here. I knew someone who took their child to hospital and when the child was discharged a week later, there was a rumour that she had been in prison or something, not sure of the details, and child neglected, long story short there was an investigation and the child was interviewed by SS - and it all came to nothing but it was extremely traumatising for the child and the family.

I think the responsible thing for you to do would be to the police to do an immediate welfare check and they will call SS if necessary. I would tomorrow talk to the school as they should have a better grip on the realities of what is going on.

You can always discuss further with NSPCC tomorrow too.

I would report to both SS and the school.

Ah I didn’t realise you’d sent him home. That must have been hard for you OP. I don’t think I’d have been able to let a child go to that situation

Beautiful passive-aggressive shaming of the OP- I can almost see the head-tilt

The OP cannot keep another woman's child without permission, on the basis of what one 13 year old told another. If she thinks Jack is in immediate danger, she needs to ring social services or the police tonight. Given that Jack has been taken home by a (presumably) sober adult, though, I'd suggest that the OP follows MinisterforCheekyFuckery's excellent advice.

You've had good advice from PPs about how to report. Jack's family's situation needs investigating.

I emphasis investigating as opposed to coming down on the mother with a ton of hot bricks I remember only too well a neighbourhood child our family knew a bit. She would report that her mother had smoked a lot of weed or drunk a lot the previous night and didn't wake to get her into school. Turned out the mother had a terminal condition. She did need help, the correct help.