Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to report this mum to child protection?

164 replies

RZX44 · 04/02/2020 15:45

Serious thread, looking for real advice. I think I need to contact social services but Im worried about the consequences for the child.

My son 13 has come home and told me that his mate, lets call him Jack, has been off school for 4 days because his mum has been too pissed to drive him in (he lives a long way away.) Today Jack has come to our house after school because his mum hasnt showed up to collect him. Apparently she normally drops him to school and picks him up, thoroughly pissed. Jacks parents are separated and dad is a waste of space I gather and only last year passed Jack back to his mums care, fully aware of her issues. So Jack is either gets a lift with his pissed mum, if shes concious, else he cant make school.

But school is Jacks constant. If I tell someone would he be removed from his mum? And maybe the school too? Hes a really nice lad too, so sad. Not saying anything doesnt seem an option, but saying something and who knows what happens. Can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Original poster
RZX44 · 04/02/2020 16:09

nomoney...I dont have anything other than what Jack has told my son. But better safe than sorry I think?

Undies - family friend has come get him, just beeped and clearly didnt want to chat. I wouldnt have let Jack get in a car with a drunk

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/02/2020 16:11

Presumably OP thinks Jack's mum is pissed because that's what Jack told her son!

If is not true then SS will work that out and speak to Jack and his mum about the possible consequences of his storytelling.

But if it is true......

OP need not be concerned about that, her duty, to a child, is to report what she has been told.

Second guessing and trying to.find something objectionable in the OP distracts from that reality. Why do that?

GivenchyDahhling · 04/02/2020 16:12

@NoMorePoliticsPlease School safeguarding officers are child protection experts. It’s literally their job.

Spero · 04/02/2020 16:12

Being removed from his mum and his school will be horrible. But I imagine being dead or seriously injured in a car driven by a drunk is also bad. Its about weighing the risks and the harms.

Children 's services will try very, very hard to keep him at the same school if he does have to go into foster care. But its not always possible as there is a nationwide shortage of foster placements.

But it might be the wake up call his mum needs to get some help.

Anyway. You don't know. All you know is that this child is not being protected by the adult in his life, and therefore someone has to step up.

LolaSmiles · 04/02/2020 16:12

Speak to social services as you have immediate concerns and then contact school, ask to speak to the safeguarding lead and let them know what you've told social services but you care for this lad and thought they may want to he aware for pastoral reasons. I would imagine school already have their own concerns and it's probably a case of the right people putting the jigsaw pieces together.

BloodyGlasses · 04/02/2020 16:13

Would you be in a position to offer him a place to stay?

If yes then I'd inform SS and request he stays with you and become official foster carers.
This is what I would do.

But if not then definitely report it to SS.

icannotremember · 04/02/2020 16:14

DS1 has a friend who I had serious concerns about (one example of things that concerned me- when they were year 8 she kicked him out of the house one night over an argument, he turned up at ours at 11pm and she didn't respond to any attempts at contact etc). I reported it to the pastoral lead of their year group both verbally and in writing but stated that further disclosures/ incidents of this kind I would take straight to C&F myself as well as informing them.

Drabarni · 04/02/2020 16:17

Poor kid, and agree inform ss and then school.
No way will they ignore, they'll be acting immediately.
I'm usually the last person to say involve ss, but this is a huge issue for this poor lad.
It's a good job you have his back. Thanks You sound lovely and caring.

LettertoHermoine · 04/02/2020 16:18

Do both...school and SS, that poor boy.

VK456 · 04/02/2020 16:20

Yes - let the school know. They will have a named person that can deal with it. As frustrating (and understandable, because of confidentiality) as it is, you never get to hear how things are progressing from Social Services.

Whynosnowyet · 04/02/2020 16:24

Dd told me about her friend' being abuse... Witnessed.
I rang school. They said ss may want to speak to me but they didn't as it turned out.
Ss visited and nothing was done.
Except the friend dumped dd.
Still glad I made that call.

NotALurker2 · 04/02/2020 16:24

Can you invite him to stay with you during the school week? That would be helping him out and avoiding the major trauma you would be inflicting on everyone, including him, by trying to have him removed. Plus you could rightly consider yourself a saint.....

Twinklebinkletoes · 04/02/2020 16:27

To be honest if you are concerned that she driving drunk, you must tell the Police. Not only is she a danger to her son, but also a legitimate danger to other people. I would be so worried for the safety of other children and parents at the school if she is doing pick ups and drop offs.

You can report her anonymously with the info that she drives to school drunk. They will look into it and potentially have an officer in the area who can do a random traffic stop.

What she is doing is illegal and dangerous, if she gets caught she will lose her licence but maybe that’s what she needs?

ifonly4 · 04/02/2020 16:27

I had reason to be concerned about DD's friend. I emailed the school saying I was concerned about a child. Had an immediate phone call the next day, but was told if I had concerns I had to report them myself and they couldn't comment one way or the other.

So I made that call as I knew it was the right thing to do. Found out afterwards, another Mum had referred and then also the school. Apparently the school were aware of issues, discussed it with child but said they would only refer if she agreed.

SS probably won't do much anyway, but it's best to let them assess and take it from there.

NachoNachoMan · 04/02/2020 16:28

Ring the NSPCC and they will be able to advise

FunkyFreida · 04/02/2020 16:31

The most immediate concern I would have is the drunk driving. If you have the family’s address I would feel obligated to contact 101 in your shoes and log it giving times she would potentially be leaving/arriving at her house on the school run. Tell them you have been told by her minor child that she is driving him while drunk. That would be my priority.

I doubt SS will be worried about the DS missing school, that is a school issue and if the police catch her drunk driving it’ll be referred to SS anyway by them I expect.

Definitely inform the Safeguarding officer at the school about the drunk driving/too drunk to drive him to school first thing in the morning as well.

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 04/02/2020 16:32

@notalurker2 Can you invite him to stay with you during the school week? That would be helping him out and avoiding the major trauma you would be inflicting on everyone, including him, by trying to have him removed. Plus you could rightly consider yourself a saint....

The only person inflicting any trauma on anyone here is the drunk mother driving around!

Posters always suggest taking in children from other families on posts like this. It's just not realistic

LolaDarkdestroyer · 04/02/2020 16:32

Jeez can't you just take jack home and see if she's ok I think rushing in and reporting like that jack won't be friends with your son for much longer.

CuckooCuckooClock · 04/02/2020 16:33

It’s too late to call school today. Can you drive jack home yourself this even so at least you know he’s got home safely? Then you could call children’s services.

NotALurker2 · 04/02/2020 16:33

@MondayTuesdayWednesday
It's traumatic for a child to be removed from their parents. It's traumatic on a primal level.

Superduper13 · 04/02/2020 16:35

@RZX44 I agree , telling the school adds more chance for info to be missed. It really should be the person with the child protection concerns that passes on these concerns, as you suggested. Hope you get a good outcome for Jack, and that he gets the support he needs.

Dieu · 04/02/2020 16:35

I would do something, OP. Think how you'd feel if his stupid bitch of a mother killed him in a drink driving accident.
I'm glad he's got you to look out for him Thanks

Original poster
RZX44 · 04/02/2020 16:38

Lola I did offer to take him home. Have never spoken to mum, family friend is the point of contact when I have dropped Jack home before and does not engage in small talk. Not that realistic to turn up and say 'Hi Jack's mum, how are you?'

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/02/2020 16:40

Jack may have told OPs son with some hope he'd get help, Lola.

And again, that is no reason to avoid doing the right thing by a vulnerable child!

PineappleDanish · 04/02/2020 16:41

One of my friends in Primary was like that, dad an alcoholic waster, mum working all hours to try to keep a roof over the kids' heads, friend and her wee brother often ended up at our house after school and my mum would feed them and keep them safe until their own mum came home. I'm pretty sure my parents passed on concerns but nothing was done because the kids had one good parent.

I would definitely pass on to a Head of Year or similar what this lad has told you. Poor soul.