To think that this is not the act of a decent person?

[greysunrise]

Name change for obvious reasons.

I was looking at pictures of my kids on DH's phone yesterday when I came across a photo of an overweight woman wearing leggings. He'd clearly taken the picture secretly as she was minding her own business walking in front of him towards the station, he must've have the picture on his way to work.
He has form for this and I know he would have sent the picture along with a nasty comment about weight to a friend whom he regularly sends/receives porn to/from and other sexist memes/jokes. I have a real problem with this but he claims it just male banter and I'm being uptight. I just feel this behaviour crosses the line and is damn right nasty!

Thats awful!

Ask him how he would feel if someone did the same with his mother/female family member?!

Butterfly, I don't know what sort of people you associate with, but it sounds to me like they're quite... erm... low quality. It doesn't have to be like this.

I don’t get how people justify this as ‘banter between mates’ as if that is ever an excuse for being a complete sexist/racist/misogynist/etc dickhead. It was a very unkind thing to do and it would make me question someone’s character.

Honestly I'd love to meet some of your DP as they appear to all be angels. Or perhaps a lot of these posters in fact don't have DP because the standards they set are too high.

My husband isn't an angel by any stretch of the imagination. However, he isn't the sort of person who takes photos of strangers to send to and mock with his friends. There is a middle ground between angelic perfection and being a nasty little shit.

no, OP - I'm afraid it is your standard that is too low. Normal decent people don't do this kind of thing.

your choice - but if you continue to choose it, don't complain. And please don't let your children think malicious leering and bitching about strangers is admirable.

What a creepy piece of shit. I can't believe a grown man would do this.

My DH and his mates call one of their friends a nickname based on a sex act. His other friend constantly has the shit ripped out of him about masturbation. They are foul to each other.

They don't target and shame women. Because they are gross but they aren't cruel and unpleasant.

Gruesome

Honestly I'd love to meet some of your DP as they appear to all be angels.
You need to, @Butterflyflower1234 it would be an education for you - because your lot have clearly trained you to expect nothing better.

Or perhaps a lot of these posters in fact don't have DP because the standards they set are too high.
I don't hold my menfolk to any higher standard than my womenfolk.
I don't need to - it's easy: just refuse to associate with dicks.

Has it not occured to you, poor Butterfly, that it's your low bar & tolerance for male special pleading that's causing you to accept dickish behaviour as universal? Or that other womens' "high standards", rather than precluding them from male company, result in them meeting much nicer men?

Well sounds like OP should get a divorce from everyone's comments. Another broken family all because people think perfection exists.

Do you have, or are you going to have children @Butterflyflower1234?

Another generation, raised to objectify & mock women, or to feel women deserve it & men are exonerated from decent behaviour - all because you think your fiance's behaviour is OK.

Not acceptable behaviour. Can't imagine a decent person doing it. "Ah John, yeah great guy- he's so funny too. Hilarious! Takes people's pictures that look you know - funny! Just fat or whatever! Without them knowing of course - and then texts it around. How brilliant is that?!". Said no one ever.

I don't think it would even occur to my DH to do such a thing, and if he sent it to his mates they'd be very confused. Decent PEOPLE (it's nothing to do with gender) are not nasty.

Imagine a woman taking photos of, say, bald men to mock as ugly and unfuckable with her best friends.

How many men would say "oh, that's alright, they're just having a little laugh"?

I bet not too many. I bet they'd suddenly cry about "what happened to not body shaming?!" and demand it stop immediately.

Even the men who weren't bald. They'd think it was an undignified, shitty way to treat other men.

But women wouldn't do this. For one thing, they'd be afraid of the reactions of the men they photographed. The physical power differential between men and women makes this an inherently unequal little "game" to play.

And for those who think this is harmless- if done in a work or school environment pulling shit like this on a colleague would wind you up (rightly) in a disciplinary on grounds of bullying.

if done in a work or school environment pulling shit like this on a colleague would wind you up (rightly) in a disciplinary on grounds of bullying.

One thing that's worth bearing in mind in these situations - would you do this sort of thing to someone bigger/ stronger than you who would have the capacity to lamp you one if they found out? Would you do it to someone in a position of power over you and how would you expect them to act if they found out you did? If the answer is 'god no, I'd get hurt/ into trouble' then ask yourself why you find it funny to punch down, but not up.

I just feel this behaviour crosses the line and is damn right nasty!

What line do you feel it crosses and what have you done about it? It sounds like you know he behaves that way and have been prepared to live with it/him. What is it about this, particularly, that crosses a line?

@LochJessMonster

'Banter' is taking the mick out of each other.
As soon as you start mentioning an uninvolved third person=bullying.

↑THIS ↑THIS ↑THIS!

Using the 'banter' excuse in an attempt to minimise nasty and repugnant behaviour, is such a weaselly thing to do.

That, plus (especially) the porn, I'd be leaving this POS immediately.
Well, actually, I'd've left him long ago.

Years ago I was sitting on the ground at an outdoor event when I gradually became aware of a commotion behind me. Turned out I was suffering a wardrobe malfunction, the gap between top of jeans and my top was gaping and quite a bit of my bum was on view. And a delightful group of men were taking it in turns to pose next to me/my backside and have their photos taken by their mates.

Absolutely ruined the (very expensive, much anticipated) event for me - I felt ashamed, foolish, angry, embarrassed, not to mention worried about where those photos ended up. Anxious about seeing the men again.

Nice to know some on here think it's perfectly fine to ridicule strangers just going about their lives.

Sharing memes is one thing, but taking photos of strangers in public to laugh at them (or for any reason probably) would really put me off someone.

That's low as feck.

Wow. That’s awful. Can you have a good talk with him about why you (and most of the world) find this unacceptable? Would he be receptive to that?
Thing is, @Butterflyflower1234 this really is low. I don’t know a single adult who would do this. Ok, I’ll rephrase because I don’t have access to their photos. I don’t know a single adult who this sort of misogynistic bullshit would be a “normal”, knowing their character. That’s not to say that everyone I know is perfect. I can imagine someone seeing a very overweight person and making a comment in their head for example, but I don’t know anyone who would be immature and unkind enough to take a photo, share it and make a joke out of it.

Agree with the majority, particularly if he has ‘form’ for this. It’s an indicator of a small mind, a cruel streak and a lack of empathy...as well as some glaring misogyny right there owing to the belief that women whose outward appearance isn’t appealing to him personally, have failed in their purpose of being ornamental for him and therefore deserve to be humiliated.
He’s a fucking arsehole but he won’t hear it, so deep is his sense of male entitlement and tiny his scope for respect. Horrible man.

butterfly you silly thing with such low standards. No one expects perfection, just not an outright cunt.

Oh Lordy, @Byllis, that just sucks so much!
And the ones who should've felt ashamed, foolish, and embarrassed would be those MF*ing arseholes! Not you!

You definitely had reason to be angry, though!

Just carry on in the knowledge that you are superior to them.

But meme start off as a photo taken of someone who didn't give consent.