To think that this is not the act of a decent person?

[greysunrise]

Name change for obvious reasons.

I was looking at pictures of my kids on DH's phone yesterday when I came across a photo of an overweight woman wearing leggings. He'd clearly taken the picture secretly as she was minding her own business walking in front of him towards the station, he must've have the picture on his way to work.
He has form for this and I know he would have sent the picture along with a nasty comment about weight to a friend whom he regularly sends/receives porn to/from and other sexist memes/jokes. I have a real problem with this but he claims it just male banter and I'm being uptight. I just feel this behaviour crosses the line and is damn right nasty!

@Greggers2017

Are you actually the DH?

Id be pissed off with my husband for taking photos of a woman and being mean about her.

However Im a little bit in agreement with Greggers2017 in that my husband DOES belong to a Whatsapp group with his mates who all share those "Weekends Here Again - simply lovely" type videos and memes etc. He tends not to watch the horrible stuff, but some of its quite funny. There IS such a thing as laddish banter and sometimes i find people on MN very emasculating, straight and quite frankly boring.

YANBU OP I'd be gutted if my partner turned out to be nasty like this.

This kind of nastiness would be a deal breaker for me.

Toxic masculinity handmaidens galore on this thread!

Banter is just a modern word for rude
I would be furious

There is nothing emasculating about finding it horrible that people take pictures of other people just to laugh about them with their mates. I know a couple who do this and put them on FB to make fun of people they don't know, that they have simply seen out and about. Once they took a picture of a woman and mocked her for being 'up herself', just because of the expression on her face. Some of their other friends on FB seem to think it is hilarious. I don't, it's bullying and their friends share the images and the comments so God knows how many people have seen them and they cannot guarantee that one day one of these posts doesn't go viral. We all have the capacity to be unkind, it's not boring to expect us to keep unkind thoughts in our head and not broadcast them, with photos on social media. That's called being an adult.

Urgh, grim. All of that gets a ‘no’ from me. I would be gutted if my DH behaved like this.

@krustykittens "There is nothing emasculating about finding it horrible that people take pictures of other people just to laugh about them with their mates." In my post i did write that I would also find that awful actually.

Ha!
Uptight womens

He doesn’t sound like a vey nice person. I’d also be worried he would be judging me and talking about me to his mates, in a similar tone.
I don’t think judgemental people tend to limit themselves to ridiculing strangers, it’s behaviour that permeates all area of their lives.

Oh dear OP, let’s hope you never put on weight or get old because clearly he rates beauty before being a kind, decent human.

What a horrible man.

What do you get out of this relationship, op?

Bleurgh

It's banter between mates. He didn't send it you, so no need for you to get offended over it is there.

Aha, the chauvinism-apologist post has already arrived I see.

@Greggers2017 - just because it happens in private, how does that make it more comfortable for OP to know that her DH feels this is an acceptable way to demean & insult women? How does the fact that the image & banter not sent to her own phone make it ok?

Would YOU want to live with someone with that repugnant mindset? Whether it was "to you" or "about you" or not?
You'd always know the possibility was there, wouldn't you - & know that not only your DH has a propensity for unwarranted cruelty, but that your children are going to be picking up on it.

Do you also think that Trump's remarks about "grabbing women by the pussy" are acceptable because he says he only made them in a locker room?

How grim, is he 15?!

You know what else is not the act of a decent person? Gaslighting people by telling them that appalling behaviour is normal and you are being uptight.

sometimes i find people on MN very emasculating

Oh dear. What a shame.
Funny how women never bang on about people being "efemulating", innit?

Its nasty misogynistic behaviour. Given the patriarchal culture where we are all just supposed to grin and bear it, I doubt it's enough to count as grounds for divorce but the attitude of female bodies being OK to ridicule in this way will come out in other ways too. A nasty bloke and IMO it is impossible for a sexist like this to actually be a good dad, however loving he may seem, because if he doesn't start from a point of respecting female people as genuinely fully human then nothing else he can do counts for anything good.

God how awful that a poor woman can’t even walk in public in peace without some dickhead making fun of her. Sounds like a bit of a loser tbh.

I think when you snoop or eavesdrop you don’t have a right to take offence at what you see or hear.

That said, it sounds like he’s a vile pig who needs to grow the hell up.

That poor woman.

It's vile behaviour.

Jeez

He sounds like a piece of shit.

That’s awful. I wouldn’t want to grow old with a man like that.