To think that this is not the act of a decent person?

[greysunrise]

Name change for obvious reasons.

I was looking at pictures of my kids on DH's phone yesterday when I came across a photo of an overweight woman wearing leggings. He'd clearly taken the picture secretly as she was minding her own business walking in front of him towards the station, he must've have the picture on his way to work.
He has form for this and I know he would have sent the picture along with a nasty comment about weight to a friend whom he regularly sends/receives porn to/from and other sexist memes/jokes. I have a real problem with this but he claims it just male banter and I'm being uptight. I just feel this behaviour crosses the line and is damn right nasty!

That’s very mean and says a lot about him.

I was shocked when a (female) colleague did this the other day. With glee she showed me a photo of another colleague, taken covertly.

He has form? And yet you're still with this horrible man who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to take a photo of a stranger and then no doubt have a "hilarious" fat shaming conversation with his equally disgusting pals. I salute the poster who could be with someone like that and excuse it as "banter" and "private" tells you a lot about the awful standards some people are prepared to put up with just to be in a relationship.

What a vile piece of shit.

If he says it's banter, look up what happened with Dani Mathers when she decided to fat shame someone and share a photo without their consent www.careergirldaily.com/seen-shocking-gym-photo-thats-gone-viral/

Sharing sexist or derogatory “memes” and pictures is one thing. Bad enough.

Secretly taking pictures of women in RL and sharing the images is something else.

I constantly see dodgy things on my fiancé's phone and I don't bat an eyelid.

Your relationship standards are your own business, but I daresay you can do much better than this.

You’re right, he’s not decent. He’s a vile piece of shit. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that.

It is never "only banter" to the person that's being bullied or victimised.

Nail on the head. Claiming it's "banter" is the typical way that bullies downplay and justify their poor behaviour. They need to be called out on it and properly dealt with.

I constantly see dodgy things on my fiancé's phone and I don't bat an eyelid. I know it's not a nice thing but we've all laughed at a meme or shared something we know to be horrible but still done it. If you say you genuinely haven't then you must be utter angels.

I'm no angel but I don't mock random strangers in a cruel and nasty fashion. As bars go, that's a very low one to clear. And remember, according to the OP he takes these photos himself. That's a very deliberate and nasty act. I couldn't be with him.

It speaks to a total lack of character and a complete lack of empathy. And I certainly wouldn't want my children exposed to that level of disregard for human dignity.

I couldn't be married to a man like that.

Of course this is mean but I honestly wouldn't read into this. Male banter is another level. I constantly see dodgy things on my fiancé's phone and I don't bat an eyelid.
Not with decent men.
Why don't you broaden your horizons, ditch your "another level" fiance before it's too late, & meet some of them?

I know it's not a nice thing but we've all laughed at a meme or shared something we know to be horrible but still done it. If you say you genuinely haven't then you must be utter angels.
Gordon Bennett.
Not finding cruelty amusing doesn't require angelic status @Butterflyflower1234.
Just normal levels of human kindness, & enough awareness not to accept special pleading bullshit like "boys will be boys", or "male banter is on another level" FFS.

Surely taking pictures of people without their knowledge is wrong on any level.
It is very disrespectful to women.

Oh heck ,sorry you’ve ended up with such a looser op. X

How dare a woman exist in his field of vision and be fat? She must be torn down immediately between him and his twat buddies

He's a nasty misogynist
Why are you with him?

Ergh I think that is absolutely vile. That poor woman. I would most definitely send an unflattering picture of himself or something like that. He went out of his way to take a picture of an unassuming woman and I would genuinely be so disgusted at that

I was once in a pub with a group including a relatively new friend, who laughed as he secretly took photos of women in there. That was the last time any of us ever spent time with him.

what a nasty piece of work, and a saddo to boot. Is the sex really that good? Can't see why else you would be with him.

please don't let your children think that this horrible behaviour is normal, let alone a role model. Or you will bring up objectionable sons and daughters who are likely to get with an equal low-life.

I'm really sorry that you have to live with this man.

Honestly I'd love to meet some of your DP as they appear to all be angels. Or perhaps a lot of these posters in fact don't have DP because the standards they set are too high.

How disgusting. It may be 'banter' between mates, but it's sexist, vile banter and on his phone where his kids could see it.

Honestly I'd love to meet some of your DP as they appear to all be angels. Or perhaps a lot of these posters in fact don't have DP because the standards they set are too high.

The more I read about some people's husbands/ partners on here, the more I treasure my DP. I just cannot imagine him ever doing anything like this. And given that he's bringing up a daughter on his own, thank goodness for that. Really, there are plenty of men out there who don't take photos of women without their permission, then share those photos with the express purpose of shaming those women. Honestly, this is not angelic behaviour. It's the absolute baseline of decency.

Butterfly, I‘m sorry you seem to know some really shitty men. My DH is not an angel and nor am I- nobody’s perfect. But being kind and avoiding deliberate cruelty is hardly angelic behaviour. It’s really just being a normal, decent, human; and it’s not difficult at all.

Before I was married my male awful arsehole of a relative showed my soon to be DH a picture he'd taken on his phone of a woman in a night club so they could laugh together about her. DH came over to me and said, "your cousin's a fucking weirdo". Keeper, right there. Now him and his friends say utterly repulsive things about each other, all the time. Their nicknames are unrepeatable.

But he recognises the humanity of women. It's a very low bar if you think about it.

You sound utterly ridiculous, Butterfly, God love you

You're right op it's not the act of a decent person.its the act of a judgemental,mysogynistic, mean one.