To think that this is not the act of a decent person?

[greysunrise]

Name change for obvious reasons.

I was looking at pictures of my kids on DH's phone yesterday when I came across a photo of an overweight woman wearing leggings. He'd clearly taken the picture secretly as she was minding her own business walking in front of him towards the station, he must've have the picture on his way to work.
He has form for this and I know he would have sent the picture along with a nasty comment about weight to a friend whom he regularly sends/receives porn to/from and other sexist memes/jokes. I have a real problem with this but he claims it just male banter and I'm being uptight. I just feel this behaviour crosses the line and is damn right nasty!

I would honestly end my relationship over this. Total deal breaker for me and so unkind

That awful! I bet he's no stud! It's just immature and cruel behaviour. It's not lad's banter either. It's shaming someone and I am not sure I could stay with a man like that. My fiance would be pissed off if someone sent him that. I remember last summer in a pub garden, a drunk man who he didn't know showed him a porn video clip and the look he gave the man, he walked away shaking his head saying he Just didn't get it !

Oh and most of my closest friends are male and they would be disgusted by this. We do have banter but not about other people, we mostly take the piss out of each other

Before you go off at the deep end at him, (and rightly so if he did take the photo), are you sure it's not one that he's been sent on WhatsApp?.

All my WhatsApp media saves to my phone and I occasionally forget to delete stuff that friends have put in group chats.

I’d divorce over this. It’s bullying, it’s misogynistic and, worst of all, it’s pathetic.

It's banter between mates. He didn't send it you, so no need for you to get offended over it is there.

Banter between bitchy mates. I couldn't respect a man who acted like this.

I hate meaness.

That would signify a meanness of spirit, well beyond banter, which I'd find very difficult to tolerate. You have to find a partner attractive and I just couldn't find that attractive.

I would start taking the piss out of him. See how he likes it.

To the pp who said its private its not though is it-he took a picture in public of a stranger then sent it out he had no right to do that let alone make fun of her

God, what a catch he sounds, op. Lucky you. The amount of posts telling you not to sweat it, it’s just what lads do is incredibly sad.
What sort of relationships do you people have if this shit is no big deal? 😕

Vile.

Banter is mates taking the piss out of each other and all finding it funny.

Sending sexist or derogatory comments to each other about other people who arent party to it and wouldnt find it funny, is just two bigoted men having a bitch at other peoples expense

Never understood why women deemed the “bitchy” gender men are way way crueller

He'd clearly taken the picture secretly... He has form for this and I know he would have sent the picture along with a nasty comment about weight to a friend whom he regularly sends/receives porn to/from and other sexist memes/jokes

Seriously, check your house for hidden cameras.

This is a man who will photograph and film you without your knowledge or consent. You might even already be online somewhere. There is a whole porn genre for hidden cameras/wife doesn't know she's being filmed.

I honestly don't know anyone in real life whose self esteem and boundaries are so non existent that they'd put up with this.

How can you not be absolutely repulsed by him?

Do not breed with this 'man'. His genes deserve to die out.

That gross, awful to think there are people like that around, but worse for you as you’re married to him.
Keep taking pics of him from behind when he’s not looking, preferably in his shorts/unflattering poses and send them daily as ‘bantz’ to him.

ugh no - DP has a friend who does this- gross

What a horrible selfish rotten thing to do.
Absolutely not the behaviour of a decent human at all he may be a stupid insensitive one though that would be obvious.

I often roll my eyes at 'LTB' because I know that in reality its a massive decision and is not as easy as it sounds (house, kids, finances, friends, family, joint money, pets, cars etc).

But I would not be able to be with someone so unkind. Imagine that was your mother or sister or daughter. Or you.

'Banter' is taking the mick out of each other.
As soon as you start mentioning an uninvolved third person=bullying.

he regularly sends/receives porn to/from and other sexist memes/jokes

This man is not a nice man

No, this is the act of a misogynistic, childish, unintelligent and vile bully. I guess you can only try and get through to him about how awful he is to be doing this, how much he needs to grow up and that this behaviour stops now.

Why did you choose this shitty misogynist? OP - why?!

Of course this is mean but I honestly wouldn't read into this. Male banter is another level. I constantly see dodgy things on my fiancé's phone and I don't bat an eyelid.

I know it's not a nice thing but we've all laughed at a meme or shared something we know to be horrible but still done it. If you say you genuinely haven't then you must be utter angels.

I will never understand how vile misogynistic men like this get women to go out with them, marry them, have children with them....OP why, just why?