To wonder how some women have it sooo easy...

[Elderflowerasusualthxs]

Aibu? Or just jealous? I don't know but how did they make it?
Such an easy life! Cleaners, gardeners. Huge countryside houses and sometimes second homes by the sea.
A caring and loving husband, good looking and wealthy. No need to work for the rest of their lives. Kids privately educated. Enjoying wonderful holidays in different places and cultures and so on...
They exist and just hit the jackpot or there is a secret that most of us don't know?! I met a pair of them last year by chance through my son's extra curricular activities.
So many of us don't have it like that and I know life can be challenging and unfair at times but they seem to have it all.
Can I have the recipe please? Thank you.

@TinyTaxi example exactly why I think it's better to have 2 parents working & earning well but not in such high positions where the job is everything.

I often find it hard to answer posts like these because it sounds like a not so stealthy boast, but you’ve pretty much described my life. The only difference is that I work because I love working. I did a stint as a SAHM but went back to work because I was bored. There’s only so much coffees, lunches and Pilates classes to be done and they left me unfulfilled. From my perspective working is great because I know that I could give it all up in an instant, there is no financial need in our house for me to work. There’s also nothing going on behind closed doors, my husband is great, we have a lovely family, happy marriage, great holidays, several properties etc. etc. So yes I’m probably one of the lucky ones you’re referring to.
How did I do it? I met my husband through work. We were both in the same line of work (investment banking). If I’d never married anyone, I’d still be fairly affluent albeit working a lot harder than I have to now, but equally when you do meet someone that does this line of work and you want children, usually someone’s career has to take a back seat and usually happens to be the mother. In my case I took a break for a few years and went back in a slightly different role with more family friendly hours and for that I don’t earn what I used to (albeit it’s still a 6 figure salary).
All of the above said, I was never dependent on my husband initially, nor was I specifically looking for a rich man. But my own career path took me to circles where I was mixing with people who were fairly well off so it was always probably that I’d end up with a “rich man”. Had I taken a different track in life (eg my sister who is equally as well educated but went into teaching and is dating a physiotherapist), I most likely wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in. So from my perspective, if you want the life of the women you describe, you have to be on the path to earning it yourself first and foremost and that will take you into “wealthy” circles. Choose your career path strategically, is what I’d advise first and foremost.

(Or just become PA to a hedge fund manager)

The things dh and I row most about are housework and occasionally money - if all that was outsourced I do think life would be easier and we would be happier. I've watched things like Downton Abbey sometimes thinking how nice it would be to meet dh over breakfast, one that neither he nor I had to prepare or clear up.

Soo interesting reading! Thank you all for the interest.

OK, without oversharing or revealing personal details. These women have husbands all retired and not even reaching their fifties! Yes, it was hard to believe and shocked me a bit at the beginning but is true. Serious money (several millions) earned by men through business in their younger years.
Both enjoy a very good life. Although one is married but the other one is not (and I think I wouldn't like to be the unmarried one as generally speaking, you will have fewer rights if you're living together than if you're married).
Anyway, I truly believe that these women are tremendously lucky, don't you think?

Some people think I have the life and I do. But lots of heartache too in the past - life threatening illness; parents died young, etc. I wouldn't begrudge anyone happiness. You don't know what they have gone through.

this is why I didn't refer to myself an anything close to rich or identifying with the lifestyle in @Elderflowerasusualthxs op. She's talking millions!

Lots of poor people have been through all sorts of heartache too

(Sorry to read about your illness, surfnterf )

@14TinyTaxi Thank you for such a brave and honest post!
I wish you all the best for the future, you deserve it!!

Anyway, I truly believe that these women are tremendously lucky, don't you think?

Fck no, I dont. I cant imagine anything worse than having my entire livelihood and wealth in the hands of someone else. What happens if he decides to trade them in for a younger model?? That happens ALOT. Theres no way I would want the guy to hold all the power and purse strings in my relationship. I want to be independently wealthy for myself. That means I am secure, no matter what happens to my marriage.

@Atilathehunter I really enjoyed your post! Very clear and I must say optimistic too!

....In my experience, some women are more aware early on that certain types of men are a better bet when it comes to marriage. They pick the possibly dull but sensible and helpful man with a good career to settle down with.....
....Except she wasnt. He made it quite clear that if she went above a size 10 he would leave her. When she put on more weight than he deemed acceptable during pregnancy he hit her in the mouth to stop her eating.....

Why do people always have to believe that there has to be a catch. That the rich man has to be boring or abusive. It is just as possible that some women fall in love with men who go on to make loads of money and they have lovely lives of ease. Yes, there will be the some of the same issues and health concerns but there is no set of life scales somewhere that balances things out. Some people genuinely get lucky. Others, not so much.

@MimiLaRue I know and I understand you. I think the unmarried one is lucky until certain extent, I wouldn't like to be her but the husbands or partner in this case are lovely and caring and responsable father's figures.
I insist they hit the jackpot in many ways.

I had it pretty easy, not all of that but a good life and he traded me in for a younger model! Well I have had the last laugh as I've found an older and wiser model who actually cares about more than looks!

@damnthatanxiety You couldn't say that better. Thanks!

I have a friend like this. She let it slip she was fed up of staring at four walls all day. All is not always what it seems.
She may have a lot of tragedy to come yet in her life. I had some thrown at me out of nowhere. Who knows what's around the corner for us all?

I know plenty of miserable poor women who have married bastards and plenty of rich ones who have as well. But the rich ones have options that the poor ones don't. Money brings choice and freedom, never mind the cars and houses. Lots of women stay in crap abusive relationships because leaving would mean really struggling to get by. This simply isn't the case for rich women. Marrying a successful man means having the choice to stay home with your kids because actually you don't want to leave them at nursery. It's not the only factor when choosing a husband but I think it's foolish to not consider the financial side. A woman can be successful and make the money but she's also going to be the one to get pregnant/give birth/bear any injury from it/breastfeed etc. Most of the mums at my sons private school are quite open with their daughters about choosing a man who can offer financial stability. It's not the only thing but it's an important one. For what it's worth most of those women are happy.

@Elderflowerasusualthxs
How do you know they’re lucky/happy? Of course given the two choices we’d all rather be rich and unhappy than poor and unhappy, but don’t for a moment imagine that wealth equates to happiness. Rather, all the evidence points to maintaining good and close relationships with family/friends + deriving some pleasure and meaning from your job/every day routine as source of happiness.

But it's not really luck just, is it? I think some people are just better than others (or perhaps more strategic...) at marrying men who end up being high earners.

But I do agree money and ease don't always bring happiness (although the opposite certainly doesn't either).

Anyway, I truly believe that these women are tremendously lucky, don't you think?

I think they earn the happiness and contentment in their life. I have a family member who is married to a many times multi-millionaire. She doesn't work. She earns every bloody penny of the money she spends, in a million different ways. . .

I think often things aren't as they seem and these people sometimes seem like they have it all but aren't happy.

A friend of a friend is a millionaire. She has a hobby job, personal trainer, cleaner, house keeper, multiple holidays, can do what she wants when she wants, money is no object. She is semi-famous in the local area.

However, my friend tells me often how unhappy she is and is in floods of tears. She married for money so had 10 years in an unhappy marriage. Now past 40 and wants children but is single and is running out of time. She doesn't know who her friends are as she's so rich and well known she gets lots of hanger ons.

Whether my friend tells me about her I feel thankful for my life. She appears to have it all but I wouldn't swop her life for mine.

But OP it might not all be as 'perfect' as you may think. Perceived reality might be one thing ...
Handsome caring husband might have a wandering eye or be abusive but wife can't escape with no job or money of her own.
Husband might be under immense pressure at work, putting in ridiculous hours to pay for expensive homes and holiday.
Privately educated kids might be getting bullied.
Wife might be bored and lonely at home all day. Or they might be 'perfect' I suspect they are far from without troubles. Granted potentially not financial. But no amount of money can buy you or your family good health.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
FWIW DH both 'good jobs' + lifestyle + clothes + fit and healthy. Outside looks great.
Reality 60 + working weeks - it's relentless and tough.
I cry on the commute to work because we can't have a baby.
But hey it's great being able to pay the gardener, so of course there is nothing to worry about.

OP you sound star struck by money it’s really not all you imagine, also like others have said this 2020 how about going after that lifestyle yourself rather than assuming it should come via a man ?

My problem with this thread are these black and white presumptive statements like “I see women with rich husbands at the school gates- they’re definitely happy”. How on earth can you tell someone is “happy” from 15 mins at the school gates?! Good grief- it’s not as if anyone who isn’t walking around sobbing is ecstatic with their lives. Of course I’d rather be rich than poor if given the choice- who wouldn’t? But you CANNOT look at someone you barely know and just assume they’re happy. That’s utter nonsense. I’m a therapist, and people put on masks for the world all the time. I’ve seen just as many suicidal rich clients as I have poor clients. Now of course, I’d rather be depressed and rich than depressed and poor but cut out these superficial baseless assumptions about other people’s happiness from a 15 min snapshot of their lives because they’re based in pure fantasy, not reality.

OP - you are on a road to misery when you start to compare. You can always find someone luckier or prettier or slimmer or richer or more charming. Equally, you can always find someone unluckier, uglier, poorer, less fortunate, who has suffered more than you. If you’re going to compare, at least compare equally to those worse off than you aswell as those better off. Gratitude is a healthy practice to acknowledge the ways in which your life is going well. I guarantee there will be other women who look at you and feel that you are unfairly “lucky” in some area or another. Stop competing and start examining your own life instead and look at ways to achieve your goals. You are wasting time by comparing- it’s a completely pointless waste of time that could be spent doing something constructive to self improve.

I find it sad that you define "making it" as marrying