To wonder how some women have it sooo easy...

[Elderflowerasusualthxs]

Aibu? Or just jealous? I don't know but how did they make it?
Such an easy life! Cleaners, gardeners. Huge countryside houses and sometimes second homes by the sea.
A caring and loving husband, good looking and wealthy. No need to work for the rest of their lives. Kids privately educated. Enjoying wonderful holidays in different places and cultures and so on...
They exist and just hit the jackpot or there is a secret that most of us don't know?! I met a pair of them last year by chance through my son's extra curricular activities.
So many of us don't have it like that and I know life can be challenging and unfair at times but they seem to have it all.
Can I have the recipe please? Thank you.

There are lots of poor people whose husbands are having affairs too. And plenty who are working just as hard as the wealthy, have had as much stress but not making as much money.

Of course there are. Having money gives you choices which ultimately helps to make you happier but only in your day to day lifestyle. It has little bearing on the quality of your relationship.

But there is no obvious connection between high incomes and happy marriages any more than there is a connection between low to average incomes and miserable ones. Or vice versa. Having no money can put a strain on things but generally if the relationship was sound in the first place you whether the storms together.

Lots of people on this thread seem to believe (or want to believe) that having the perfect affluent lifestyle must automatically come at the cost of ending up as a lonely, brittle, shallow, insecure and miserable woman with a drink problem or an eating disorder, living in some sort of gilded cage.

I'm sure that's the case for some women but usually only if they married cynically for money in the first place.

Were they married laurjade89?

weather the storms!

I know a few women who have that life and they are happy with decent family orientated husbands with good work ethics.
Obviously, you never know what the future holds but why are people trying to make out that there’s a pay off that makes it all come crashing down?
I’d love that life and I am happy with what I have too. A bigger house would be great though!

When did we time travel back to the 1950s?
Good looks "catch" you a man?
The ultimate dream is not "having" to work?
And no point in having a husband that you don't think is "good looking"? Or that doesn't earn enough?

Even if I had all the money in the world I wouldn't want my kids to go to private school, and I can't think of anything worse than not having to work and relying on a man to provide me with everything.
Your 'fantasy' to me sounds like a nightmare 😳

Stop focusing on what you don't have and focus on what you do. Those good looking, caring, wealthy husbands are probably also shagging their secretaries.

Somebody very close to me is exactly this and more, but she isn’t as happy as it appears. She met a super rich (has a yacht and properties around the world) guy- 40 years old than her- got pregnant within 2 months of meeting and married him.

He’s from the Middle East so now she lives in his home country, a Gulf state, with their baby. She has everything and more materially- a yacht ffs! But she is also not the only wife, she has to have sex with a man 40 years her senior who she admits she doesn’t find attractive and is at his mercy in terms of her freedoms in the country she now lives in. Her baby has taken on a lot of the culture too. So on the surface she has an amazing life, but shagging a man in his 60s when you’re are in your 20s in a country without respected for women’s rights and only your baby as your friend? No thanks.

Lots of people on this thread seem to believe (or want to believe) that having the perfect affluent lifestyle must automatically come at the cost of ending up as a lonely, brittle, shallow, insecure and miserable woman with a drink problem or an eating disorder, living in some sort of gilded cage

I think what people are trying to do by saying this is to comfort OP who has said she's feeling depressed.

That's just money op, it just provides a good cover up. I should know, we have plenty and to an outsider my life would look how you describe. Unfortunately that is very far from the truth.

@knowmenclature

Sorry, I did lay it on thick about the small room, but this is only temporary accommodation while my flat is being repaired. I live in Mexico City, so no heating costs and I have a lovely patio that serves as a living room. I only really mentioned it because of the thread, but this is my personal preference, less housework for a start.

Worked my arse of at state comprehensive school, had part time jobs every weekend and school holidays from age 14 until I finished studying. Got into Uni, read Law. Qualified as solicitor, worked arse off some more. Kept climbing career ladder.
At 28 met husband with similar background (not lawyer though) who also worked arse off. We got married, bought flat.
Worked really hard for another 7 years, alongside our full time jobs we spent weekends doing up a couple of very unloved properties...we rented them out/sold depending on what we could afford to do.
Had kids at 35, 10 years on I do have the kind of life you are talking about. I always used to say “ ooh I’ve been lucky” until an elderly relative told me it wasn’t luck, mostly hard work. I think we both still work hard.

When I met DH I was late 20s, had kissed a few frogs with princely trappings, had a very good career and had 80% equity in my own house.

DH was intelligent, moral, decent, had incredible prospects and was a bit boring in many ways. I loved him. Whether he'd earnt the average for his sector, left his sector or became the niche international expert he did we'd have been alright because I have always been his equal.

We treated family life as a team with neither having more power than the other.

If he'd proved himself to be a shit, I'd have left with what I brought. Had a pre-nup.

Occasionally he has had a prattish moment or demand and i've been able to tell him nope, absutely not or sod right off. The day a woman can't do that without treading on eggshells should be the end because anything is better.

We have given equally to our family and relationship. I have facilitated his 70 hr weeks by working 35 and picking up the domestic slack in another 20. Organising au-pairs, cleaners, gardeners, refurbs, schools, holidays, etc. He doesn't and hasn't told me what and how because he trusts me and I trust him.

@Onthetrain75

But I did exactly the same and just at the point when it was coming together, I got I’ll. There is luck involved as well as hard work. You also don’t know someone else’s starting point in life.

I don’t mean to take away from you the fact that you have earned your success, just that others have equally worked hard and it hasn’t necessarily worked out.

And it does need pointing out that capitalising on property to buy more property disproportionately affects the market for those who can’t afford their own home.

Your luck has been built to a degree on that.

There also seems to be an assumption that women are ‘netting’ high income men. In lots of cases, they may well have met at university or when they were not earning loads. When my husband and I met, we were not earning dissimilar amounts. We were both ambitious and had similar life goals. He is now a high earner making 100k more than me. My life is quite different to some of my friends from school but it would have been whoever I married as I was career minded and was happy to move to London for opportunities. I was never likely to marry someone unambitious.

There is a lot of assumptions that wealthy people aren’t happy. Obviously some aren’t but everyone in my bubble of affluent but not super rich seems pretty happy with the main stress being managing two careers where that’s applicable.

Also if your rich it’s harder to get into heaven!

Eye of a needle, haven’t heard that since I used to go to church as a child. Took me back.

You never know the full story of other people's lives.... From the outside it may look like I " landed" and married a wealthy man however he was in debt when I met him and my low paid admin wage supported him entirely while he set up his now very successful business as it didn't make any profit in the first two years. Our early on hard work and sacrifice has paid off as we now enjoy a comfortable lifestyle.

I always really appreciate it when successful people recognise the role of luck as well as hard work.

Like a pp above, I was doing very well until chronic illness hit and threw everything off.

Another point is that we should all be telling our dc to look for someone who wants to build the same kind of life as we do.

I now know to my cost the critical importance of wanting the same future. I know it seems obvious, but I went with "kind, intelligent and attractive". It wasn't enough. I wish someone had told me.

I think not 'having' to work is living the dream. It doesn't mean you can't work, it just means having the freedom to do so or not, depending on what you want.
I think it's only 1950's ish, if you have a husband who tries to stop you from working. Being married to a controlling arse is something that can happen to poor women as well as rich ones.

also if you’re rich, it’s harder to get into heaven

Luckily we’re atheists.

I would say that working in a job you'd do even if you didn't need the money, is also a good dream.

I've managed it thank goodness, but then I live in a city with plenty of opportunities, plus my "face fits", we mustn't underestimate the effect of unconscious (or conscious!) biases.

A lot of life's ills come from not understanding what sort of person you are, what sort of person you'd like to partner, or what success is to you.

As I've got older and learned those things about myself, the more I find myself saying "good for you" to those people living entirely different lives to me that I wouldn't want for myself.

It's quite nice to be honest.

@JosefKeller I love when people have to paint that kind of lives to make themselves better...

I don’t know what you mean. The woman in my example is unhappy. I feel sorry for her.

I am in a happy and loving marriage. I have good health, as do my children, for which I’m enormously grateful. I do a part-time job I love. I live in a beautiful house by the sea without a mortgage. We have nice holidays. I’m incredibly lucky and I know it. 🍀

Was simply trying to illustrate to the OP that people with Instagram-perfect lives aren’t always as happy as they look. Some of them are; which is great, of course!

well, I haven't read it all, but I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

I have a good husband who I love
I have 3 lovely kids
I like my life.

I am not wasting time over those people who have loads of money. Some of them have what I have, and some don't.

Some of my luck is not luck. I did not marry until I found a good bloke, and would have stayed single. I was very picky. I met him at 32.
I make choices that mean I do stuff I like, so I like my life.

But lots of it is chance. 3 lovely kids? Chance. no health issues? chance.
And some of it is that I had great parents who instilled things like self esteem and love into me at an early age, and taught me how to do many of the things which make my life good, like cook decent food, budget, be kind etc
I am very grateful for them, but the fact that I had them? Chance

I find it disturbing that finding a rich husband is considered 'making it'.

Quite!
*
So your standard of success is landing a rich man. Here's a thought OP, educate yourself, work hard, get a career and make your own money.

I have most of the things you describe because I EARNED IT.*

Ditto this!

I'm also a bit at all the "yeah but I bet their lives are boring/husbands are wankers" brigade - really? So no one can have money, a comfortable life AND a happy marriage?

These posters come across just as jealous as the OP!