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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome him?

318 replies

gallgal · 03/02/2020 20:08

Our male cat, that is? He's 13, and we've had him since he was a kitten. In the last two years his spraying has got so out of hand that we are now in the situation where he is soiling absolutely any object made of fabric anywhere in our house.

We have two children, one is a toddler and the other, the five year old, is autistic. So we have lots of laundry, blankets, toys etc all over our house, and I do my best to pick up after them but I can't get everything put away.

Today I found he had pissed all over DS's pyjamas on his bedroom floor, all over a clean and folded pile of laundry on the sofa (that I hadn't had a chance to put away yet) and all over the rug in DD's room.

Vet has ruled out urinary tract infection and says it could be dementia(?!)

I can't live like this any more. I can't stay on top of all the spraying and laundry it generates. I'm utterly miserable.

AIBU to rehome the cat? He clearly hates it here anyway.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 03/02/2020 22:09

So prevent the soiling. Ensure doors aren’t left open. If necessary put washing in a basket with a lid.
Having managed a cat who would pee on plastic I think you’re BU. So far your only suggestion is to get rid.

SospanFrangipan · 03/02/2020 22:09

Have you had him checked for a UTI? Very common in male cats, and starting to wee in the house is a sign.

Alsohuman · 03/02/2020 22:10

There really are some completely bonkers people on this thread. Feline cognitive function can start to decline at 10 or 11. The vet suspects dementia yet MN apparently knows better. My mum had dementia, I wish the option of being quietly put to sleep had been open to her. Do the kind thing for your cat, OP, that’s real love.

gamerchick · 03/02/2020 22:11

Can’t the cat live out a retirement life in a self contained little shelter area being looked after by a charity? Isn’t that preferable to death

Not for a cat, no Hmm

OP listen to your vet. Or maybe you've had a PM from someone on this thread offering to take him to live out his days at their house?

XXcstatic · 03/02/2020 22:12

An unpopular opinion but I do find the attitude of 'life at all costs and for as long as possible' very odd

Totally agree. If you have seen hundreds of humans die, as I have, you realise how humane it is to be PTS after a life of love and happiness, and with no suffering. Much better than getting more and more frail because a human cannot face up to an animal's death.

And, as for the twat who told off the OP for not putting her laundry away..Hmm

JKScot4 · 03/02/2020 22:12

@gallgal
My DDs cat had feline dementia; confused, toiletting about the house, she made the decision after 2 months to let her go rather than deteriorate further.
Your boy has had 13 years of a lovely home it would be very unfair and distressing to rehome or put him outside, I think the best decision would be to let him go peacefully.
It’s the final and most difficult thing we do for our pets, let them go with dignity and not to suffer, better a day early than a day late. 💙

ConfusedPupMama · 03/02/2020 22:13

If it’s not dementia then please do see a behaviourist - I had 2 cats peeing in my house for 2 years and it’s now stopped. I didn’t even follow all of the advice I was given as some of it didn’t work for us.
What I learnt was that there are two separate issues. Spraying - which is territorial and scent marking, and inappropriate toileting - weeing on beds and piles of laundry etc. I had both going on. The problem improved after two weeks and I was very sceptical that a behaviourist could help. It was my last attempt before giving up on my cats entirely.

FreakStar · 03/02/2020 22:14

I seriously doubt he has dementia. When cats spray it's usually due to stress. It could be that he feels threatened since the arrival of your children, or it could be a new cat in the neighbourhood, especially if he sometimes goes outside. Do you have a family member he could go stay with for a few weeks to see if he does the same there?

Artus · 03/02/2020 22:17

We had this exact situation. Cat had dementia, refused to go outside and we had no area we could shut it into plus small children.

The cat had 14 years of love and kindness and was then PT S. I have no regrets.

Deandra46 · 03/02/2020 22:18

Don't be too hard on the OP. She sounds like a caring owner, she's had him a long time and has tried everything with him. I can fully understand not wanting urine all over the house. On the other hand it does seem cruel to have him PTS, rehoming would be the kindest option

Elieza · 03/02/2020 22:18

Animal behaviourist for sure. It’s the least you can try for your loyal furred companion that you’ve had for so long.
There will be a reason for this behaviour, it may not be old age.

More likely the hyper kids stressing the cat out. He needs somewhere he can hide from them. Somewhere high he can climb up to or a locked door with a cat flap so he can stay in the room if he wants and they can’t get in. Or he can come out if he feels like it.
Poor cat. I feel for him. Hate boisterous noisy weans. No patience for them now I’m getting old myself!

Cyberve · 03/02/2020 22:18

I would ask for the vets opinion, not random strangers on the Internet.

But if it was my cat, and if he has dementia, I would put him to sleep. It's horrible to someone or an animal go through that. I would personally prefer death.

It could also be his kidneys are starting to go, in which case there's no going back. In cars, their kidneys tend to shut down first and it's downhill from there obviously. You can't stop it. He is an old cat. Sad

Cyberve · 03/02/2020 22:19

Cats not cars

Strokethefurrywall · 03/02/2020 22:21

I do question the intelligence of anyone who trots out the old "would you rehome your children?" line.

Idiots.

OP if you've tried everything and the signs point to dementia, then I would PTS. It's the kindest thing.
And not in the slightest bit the same as putting to sleep your child. I hope you can tell the difference... (sarcastic joke)

Jellybeansincognito · 03/02/2020 22:22

It would be kinder to put him to sleep.

If you can’t do that, then no of course you shouldn’t make him someone else’s problem.

cousinboneless · 03/02/2020 22:24

You need to find a way to contain him within certain areas. I understand that what he's doing is unacceptable but he will not be rehomed at that age with these problems. My boy is 11 and starting to be forgetful, but no way in hell would I try to rehome him upon further deterioration. I love the bones of him. You have to accept what comes with age. I had a 14 year old cat with the same problem previously and I just put up with it, cleaned whatever he pissed all over and gave him the love he deserved. Poor boy had had enough trauma in his life so I made sure he was loved until the bitter end. It's a shit situation but you have to do what's right for them. And yes, I have other responsibilities child wise and certainly could have done without the extra stress.

Solina · 03/02/2020 22:27

It could be stress related. Some cats don't cope with change so could be the arrival of your children that started it. Ours really doesn't like small children, they stress him out.

I agree that the chances of rehoming are slim but our cat was 10 and had spraying issues due to stress when we gave him a home. Since we got him he has not sprayed once and is a really happy here. However, the old owners did not just give him to the shelter, they kept him until someone wanted to rehome him. Maybe you could see if that is an option?

cousinboneless · 03/02/2020 22:28

I do admit to wanting to throw him out of a window one day though. All through the house there was a terrible smell. Took me ages to find the source: my open handbag on the floor, filled with diarrhoea. Not a single drop spilled over the sides. Perfectly centred and coating everything inside said handbag with liquid shit stinking to high heaven. Fucking nightmare to sort out.

Notthetoothfairy · 03/02/2020 22:28

I agree, sounds like your children are causing the poor old boy stress (and why should he now lose his home or be killed just because he has become elderly and vulnerable)? My cats are older than that and I have had kids since then but they absolutely love them and shower them with love and attention.

Maybe try an animal behaviourist and show the cat a lot of love and give him places to hide away from the disruptive children to see if that solves the peeing issue.

kikisparks · 03/02/2020 22:29

Could it be cystitis? My cat pees everywhere when she gets a flare up of this. Try giving him special urinary tract food- vet said it is important they only get the urinary tract food, no dreamies or any other food.

Sux2buthen · 03/02/2020 22:29

'Does the cat have a name'
Of course it does but it's hardly relevant

DesLynamsMoustache · 03/02/2020 22:37

I love my 1 yr old cat as much as I love my kids

Either you're talking shite or you have issues, lady.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 03/02/2020 22:38

OP, don’t let people guilt trip you. You have done your best. I am not a cat person but took care of my incontinent very old dog for 3 last years of dementia and incontinence, it was relentless and very very expensive in terms of pads, vet fees, special food, etc. Keeping on top of it also affected my health, he was not sleeping much and therefore neither did I, at some point even my speech was affected due to sleep depravation.

Worse part of it? all that effort was not giving my pet a good life either, the dementia made him restless and miserably anxious. If I had not insisted in putting every effort on keeping him healthy/alive, perhaps he had not suffered so much.

Not so many years ago, most casts didn’t live that long. Letting him go is sometimes a kinder and more loving action than keeping them alive when their little brains are no longer responding as they should Flowers

kikisparks · 03/02/2020 22:38

Also make sure to clean the floor with an enzymatic cleaner- biological laundry liquid will do the trick. Disinfectant etc will not clear the smell for the cat and can make them more likely to pee in the same place.

We also had to get rid of all rugs and can’t have any fabric on the floor.

I do sympathise, it is incredibly difficult to deal with a cat who soils everywhere, but personally could never PTS for that. Rehoming, unless you mean to a safe vetted home who will look after him the rest of his days, would be even worse.

YappityYapYap · 03/02/2020 22:40

I would try a mr snugs cat den OP with the liner and self heating pad. He could go outside then he has the den to sleep in and go to when it's bad weather. You could just take him inside to feed him and give him some attention then place him back outside. It's not cruel, cats are actually meant to be outdoors, they are animals.

He would probably just patrol the garden and nearby and return to sleep in his little den. It means you can actually enjoy him again when does come into the house a couple of times a day for food. You would need to be strict though and feed him, give him some attention then right back outside. He probably wouldn't pee in the den as it's snug enough that he wouldn't get the right position to pee. He would have to leave the den to pee but you could check it every other day and give it a wash out if he did pee in it

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