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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is a bit of a gang/bullying problem on here ?

141 replies

Usemyname123 · 03/02/2020 19:10

After reading through some threads, most posters are lovely, kind and helpful. However, there is sometimes this thing where when poster criticises the OP and all of a sudden most posters also gang up on him /her.
I've seen so many people told, "You need professional help." as opposed to suggesting that someone may find therapy helpful. Telling a stranger they 'need professional help' is out of order.
"You've posted before !!" Because apparently nothing can ever happen more than once. It's also not a crime to post more than once if people feel they want further help or advice.
Talking about the OP as if he/she isn't there. "She posted that 1 week ago" etc.
"You sound like a needy 14 year old".
I think sometimes it just goes a bit too far.

OP posts:
elesbells · 03/02/2020 19:18

I know what you mean. There always seem to be a few that want to be the most spiteful that they can get away with. Then it becomes a competition amongst the said few. Keyboard warriors who wouldn’t dream of saying it in a rl situation/conversation. Don your hard hat op because they’ll be here to defend themselves shortly I’m sure...with answers like ‘if you can’t take honestly, don’t post’ type comments.. Wink

WalkingDeadTrainee · 03/02/2020 19:19

I am having a deja vu 😂

picklesdragonisawelshdragon · 03/02/2020 19:21

This crops up again and again- because it's true. Sometimes a mob mentality takes hold, people agree with previous comments so they restate it but 'louder' or longer. The overall effect is a bit 'baying mob'.

bsc · 03/02/2020 19:21

YABU. If you see bullying, report it to MNHQ.

Butchyrestingface · 03/02/2020 19:23

These threads are more prolific than the trans debate threads.

And that's saying something.

LouReidDododo · 03/02/2020 19:24

Whilst I agree there are some posters that take the piss because it’s a faceless forum there is also some incredibly supportive threads on here.

There was one the other day where the usual trolls where trying to pull the OP to pieces but they got drowned out by lots of posters giving amazing support to the OP

I’ve been here seven years and often name change as posters go in to your history and start dragging up past posts on to a completely unrelated thread.

There are arse holes every where - this forum is just another outlet for them

Livelovebehappy · 03/02/2020 19:27

If you see bullying, call them out on it. If you’re the target, then don’t engage with them as that feeds their desire for a reaction. Ignore, and they will get bored and move on to another thread.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 03/02/2020 19:31

I saw a poster on another thread saying that MNHQ should really start moving threads into correct sections. And I fully agree with that. AIBU is AIBU. It would be much better if threads were in correct sections with people interested in that particular topic. It would also make that sections busier. People who go foulmouthed on AIBU where it is ok wouldn't do the same in let's say addiction support section. That's why it is separate.

WanttogotoParis · 03/02/2020 19:34

Yanbu, mumsnet HQ don't do anything about it either.

I know this is aibu, but so many people are unnecessarily vicious.

Comments like "you're hard work", "get help", "is that all you've got to worry about".

It's vile, and yes it is bullying.

Original poster
Usemyname123 · 03/02/2020 19:43

To the poster who said I am being unreasonable, I do report it.
I agree, it tends to be on here that they are harsher, it really is a mon mentality.
I had a different account 6 months ago but shut it down because I was mobbed on my thread, they talked about me like I wasn't there. I even wrote telling people to stop commenting on the thread, mumsnet shut the thread down after 30 days. I have made another account now but i'm wary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Usemyname123 · 03/02/2020 19:43

Mob *

OP posts:
TwitcherOfCurtains · 03/02/2020 19:44

Can adults really not deal with a random on the internet not saying things in a fluffy way or being a little mean?

I've been flamed to hell and back a few times on here, it really isn't a big deal, you just ignore or namechange and move on.

AnnaBanana26 · 03/02/2020 19:44

Yes absolutely. I think some people genuinely only log on to this site to criticise others and feel superior. It’s really sad. The other day I saw someone write on a thread ‘get and abortion and get on with your life.’ It’s actually quite depressing that these are the responses people get when there are in need of a hand hold or moral support. No idea where people get off on being so hurtful to others.

Original poster
Usemyname123 · 03/02/2020 19:46

Why should we have to deal with it ? If someone wrote an incredibly controversial thread i'd expect to be backlashed, but why should we be bullied for asking for help with problems ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Usemyname123 · 03/02/2020 19:46

It's not about saying things in a fluffy way, it's when they are rude, nasty and diagnose you with mental health issues.

OP posts:
JosefKeller · 03/02/2020 19:48

Can adults really not deal with a random on the internet not saying things in a fluffy way or being a little mean?

nope

some people are taking this forum VERY seriously and very personally.

i am not talking about the OP to be clear, but I have seen some threads where a poster was putting themselves in an absolute rage because someone had a different opinion or was just taking the piss.
It's actually quite scary to see. I am guessing the most hysterical ones are very meek in real life and use the forum to express their anger.

There used to be posters making list of names they had had a disagreement with Grin

ilovesooty · 03/02/2020 19:48

I think some of the complaints about bullying on these frequent threads do a real disservice to genuine victims of bullying.

Original poster
Usemyname123 · 03/02/2020 19:50

I don't agree at all. Just because it's anonymous and online, it's still bullying.

OP posts:
TwitcherOfCurtains · 03/02/2020 19:51

Why should we have to deal with it ?

Because people are dickheads and always will be.

Do you think anyone of the harsh posters you're on about give a damn about you whining about their meanness? Do you think this thread will actually achieve anything? It won't! It's just more amusement and encouragement for certain posters.

Best to just ignore them

WanttogotoParis · 03/02/2020 19:52

^*Can adults really not deal with a random on the internet not saying things in a fluffy way or being a little mean?

I've been flamed to hell and back a few times on here, it really isn't a big deal, you just ignore or namechange and move on.*^

Depends. If you're struggling with your mental health or other problems in your life already, and you get piles and piles of people basically telling you how shit and stupid you are it could be the thing that tips you over the edge.

ilovesooty · 03/02/2020 19:53

@Usemyname123 I didn't imagine for one moment you'd agree.

JosefKeller · 03/02/2020 19:56

Some is bullying, some is just honesty.

Say you ask friends if it's ok to wash your bedsheets monthly, (can't find a more controversial subject than that Grin )
in real life, they might reply that it might need to be done a tad more often

what they think, and posters will write here, is that it's absolutely disgusting and you should be ashamed to be such a slob.

You get a more honest answer on here, the ones people don't dare or don't want to tell to your face but will think and will discuss behind your back.

"Bullying" doesn't mean what some people seem to think!

busybarbara · 03/02/2020 19:56

I don’t want to link to it but when I googled someone’s username on here once to find their old posts a forum on reddit called mntrolls came up where people seemed to be talking about deliberately coming here to wind people up so this does not surprise me to be honest Confused

JosefKeller · 03/02/2020 19:58

but mntrolls was created because posters got bored of being banned for being too honest, or reporting trolls

there are a few very funny people on there. Not all

PolloDePrimavera · 03/02/2020 19:59

I do agree. I'm sure the people who are confrontational on here are nothing like that IRL, as if this is an outlet. That's what annoys me, being "brave" on here but meek on the outside.
Presumably most people post because they can't see their problem rationally and they can't be objective, which is pretty normal. So if they seem to be not seeing what is obvious to everyone else, I think that's pretty understandable.