To think there is a bit of a gang/bullying problem on here ?

[Usemyname123]

After reading through some threads, most posters are lovely, kind and helpful. However, there is sometimes this thing where when poster criticises the OP and all of a sudden most posters also gang up on him /her.
I've seen so many people told, "You need professional help." as opposed to suggesting that someone may find therapy helpful. Telling a stranger they 'need professional help' is out of order.
"You've posted before !!" Because apparently nothing can ever happen more than once. It's also not a crime to post more than once if people feel they want further help or advice.
Talking about the OP as if he/she isn't there. "She posted that 1 week ago" etc.
"You sound like a needy 14 year old".
I think sometimes it just goes a bit too far.

I totally agree with you op I posted a thread once it was a light hearted post and it went horribly wrong the amount of posters that ganged up on me calling me names saying I'm not very classy it was taken down by mnhq in the end as it was tht bad
I cried for hours after it really effected me
It made me think of kids in school who get bullied online it made me see how it can affect them I'm a grown women and it affected me that much

The op has posted this before. Ignore

And the best example of pack mentality goes to....

What I dont like is when people speak for others. So yesterday I posted something, and someone put a sarcastic nasty reply on it but also followed it up with " we know which one it is"..as if she spoke for the whole of Mumsnet. It is bullying at its worst.

*Inferiority complex hmm

Or just a different opinion to the majority or those that pile in*

It goes way beyond a different opinion sometimes. It's actually quite scary. I remember a thread about a 5 year old showing his underwear (he had new batman ones or something) and there were more than a few posts about the "future rapist".
Truly shocking sometimes.

I think there's a link between trolling and the reddit sub. I posted about a really odd situation that had me questioning my mental health recently, (under a NC). Most of the posts were balanced and helpful, then all of a sudden several posters arrived to say I was mad/a troll or giving a /. On a thread where I was questioning my mental health.

On a hunch I had a look at the reddit sub, and found I was being discussed as a troll, just before the slew of twattish comments began. So I really do believe there is a connection between that sub and trolls on here.

Sometimes the OP is quite unreasonable and people call this out. I've never seen a thread where someones lovely post has been mobbed, but plenty where the poster is unreasonable. Yes, it does embolden some people to go even further with personal abuse, but often the OP has elements people don't like. Doesn't mean they are wrong.

Eg. Last night someone posted about shooting kittens. I posted it was a bullshit post with no level of truthfulness, and sure enough MNHQ pulled it.

There's some nastiness and bullying.
There's also lots of honesty and not everyone is open to honest advice.

Offline people will tend to moderate their responses and sanitise them whilst actually thinking something else. Asking online is usually means hearing what people think that they may not say offline to avoid offence.

I once posted that I put a waffle in my childs snack box, youd have thought I was a murderer for the replies I got.

Asking online is usually means hearing what people think that they may not say offline to avoid offence.

exactly
they will probably say it behind your back, so now you know.

No one is suggesting that no one starts threads with the intention to argue to aggravate

But it’s the pack mentality, the spiteful attitude of some posters that is seen on here again and again

Some are asking for opinions some are obviously asking for support and find some opinions hard to take on board and they will say that often this is then questioned

It’s not difficult to be empathetic, if you want to be

There are some snide, bitter people on AIBU who use it as an opportunity to show off perceived superiority and give an OP a sustained verbal kicking.

I've noticed that it goes a bit like this. If your original post is emotional, perhaps poorly spelt, long, with poor paragraphisation, then you'll get a slew of posters rushing in with one-line, dismissive comments, like some sort of filter.

I saw one (I presume woman) on here post about a horrible domestic violence situation, and the number of cruel posters who claimed she was inventing it all, or even PROVOKING it, was extroardinary.

The weirdest part is, you get people in clearly emotional states and distressed, and yet those people are dismissed from AIBU for not cheerily saying "cunt" in their posts, or writing in office English etc.

And yet if someone posts "AIBU to ask which Glasgow divorce solicitor you'd recommend", or "AIBU to ask whether you dug into your basement for an extension?", both of which are not dilemnas and could easily go elsewhere on the boards...nope, people love those, no problems at all, OPs are treated politely.

This board is full of snobbism and cliques. YANBU.

Everyone also seem to assume that all posters have the same level of intelligence, and judge the posts accordingly. It's life, MN is not a different world, there are posters who are thick as shit. It's just a waste of time to try to argue with stupid 🤷

@JosefKeller

But who are you calling "stupid" though, so to speak?

It is a waste of time perhaps to argue with "stupid", but why are so many people in the belief that they need to argue with certain folk?

In the example of the DV case I posted about earlier, this woman was clearly in a state of distress and needed advice.

Instead, she got a forensic deconstruction from posters as to why they felt she had got into that situation in the first place. That's the ONE thing I believe she didn't need to hear, and the one thing designed to hurt her the most.

It was vile, unnecessary, and clearly done to get a reaction out of the OP.

There are countless other posts like this, where the person tries in their best written English to lay out their problem. However they in haste or ignorance, use the word "went out with the gals that evening".

Instead of that problem being addressed, dozens of Mumsnetters eagerly seize on their "mistake" and tell them how U they are being for using a diminutive anti-feminist term.

Completely missing the point of the original post, and making AIBU that much worse to read as a result. But hey, they enjoyed giving someone a good schooling.

GinDaddy, one could similarly ask, why do YOU come onto a site called Mumsnet to tell its overwhelmingly female userbase how they should behave towards other users?

@gindaddy I agree with you totally.

Some of the comments are entirely unjustified. I feel like there are a lot of closet bullies that hang around AIBU specifically, and will look to jump all over someone at the slightest issue.

why do YOU come onto a site called Mumsnet to tell its overwhelmingly female userbase how they should behave towards other users?

Its a general debating forum, by and large. Its not 'just for girls'.

@MintySpud

Are you serious?

BTW, what a classic case of "whatabouttery". Forget about what I've actually said in my post, just have a go at my sex instead.

I agree with you OP, I think sometimes people pile on and find pretty unimaginative ways to say the same things to impress each other, like a wanker competition.

Nobody acts like Mumsnet IRL. It’s not real. Everybody I know IRL thinks it’s utterly daft.

I'm torn on this topic.

I've been here for a very long time and I generally fall on the side of accountability. So I think that name changing shouldn't be allowed.

I know that we should all have a space to rant and so on......blah, blah, blah........but there's ranting and there's being downright obnoxious.

I think most of us can forgive a rant, most of us can forgive an ill thought through post. Shit happens, right? We all make mistakes.

What I find horrible is people posting vile spew AND THEN name changing. As if that absolves them of any responsibility.

@PlomBear

I agree, but it makes you think doesn't it?

The OP on this thread has raised a really valid point. If people don't act like Mumsnet's AIBU in real life, then why do they feel they can do this here?

When you get a young vulnerable poster come on here and talk about being gaslit or abused by someone etc, and then see them verbally beated up by posters who question their turn of phrase, the truthfulness of their post, the "dripfeeding"...

it's just weird, there are clearly some people on here who enjoy giving other women a right good kicking.

You are the one banging on about how women are behaving, yet you accuse me of sexism.

He isnt 'banging on' about how women act on here. He's cited one example and assumed its a woman, because women are more likely to victims of DV, and MN has a predominantly female user base. Therefore its logical to assume the OP of the thread he's referring to is female.

Also, FWIW you've just entirely proved that AIBU bullies - 'Completely missing the point of the original post, and making AIBU that much worse to read as a result. But hey, they enjoyed giving someone a good schooling.'

But who are you calling "stupid" though, so to speak?

as an easy example, posters who (pretend?) that no-one in the "real world" can have x life, do xyz at home, and that because they don't know anyone acting a certain way, it cannot be possible.

I can think of a couple of posters who pretend that there's no such thing as really heavy period. They might have been trolls of course, or just very stupid. And it goes on.

I disagree.

Here is a direct quote of his:

"there are clearly some people on here who enjoy giving other women a right good kicking."

He is clearly telling women off for how they treat "other women."

I personally am a lot more bothered by a man coming here and scolding women for not being "nice," but this will be my last post on this thread. I'm sure he will be glad you WKed for him and hurray you will go in the "nice" column.👏