To think there is a bit of a gang/bullying problem on here ?

[Usemyname123]

After reading through some threads, most posters are lovely, kind and helpful. However, there is sometimes this thing where when poster criticises the OP and all of a sudden most posters also gang up on him /her.
I've seen so many people told, "You need professional help." as opposed to suggesting that someone may find therapy helpful. Telling a stranger they 'need professional help' is out of order.
"You've posted before !!" Because apparently nothing can ever happen more than once. It's also not a crime to post more than once if people feel they want further help or advice.
Talking about the OP as if he/she isn't there. "She posted that 1 week ago" etc.
"You sound like a needy 14 year old".
I think sometimes it just goes a bit too far.

can't find a more controversial subject than that grin )

You didn't try hard enough.
Toilet brush

I think you want to have a reasonably thick carapace if you post on AIBU. I must admit I've been taken aback at just how, um, 'forthright' some posters are. But it's the nature of the beast.

And people all having and sharing the same opinion is not necessarily bullying, in a thread. It's that they all want to share their opinion.

I must admit though, I do think there's way too much armchair diagnosis of mental illness. Very few of us (percentage wise) could at all claim to have the education and experience that means we should presume to do so. And certainly not over the net.

but mntrolls was created because posters got bored of being banned for being too honest, or reporting trolls

Exactly. So many threads are obvious begging/goady/froth inspired, yet stay up. Lots of posters will call it out on the Reddit sub.

I genuinely don't know how anyone notices any trends/gangs/usual suspects on here any more. People name change all the time! How do you keep track of everyone op?

People just get brave when they're online that's all. As someone else pointed out, if your friend asked your opinion on something you might be kind and tactful. A stranger on the internet? The gloves are off. People lose their social graces because there's no personal connection and they say things they would never say in real life. There's a big difference between bullying and just being rude.

I can only think of one Mumsnet poster who has the same name on MNtrolls so that's funny about the googling.

People name change all the time! How do you keep track of everyone

After a few years I started to recognise posters from their writing style/content. It becomes quite obvious with a few, especially.

Tbf to some. We can't hear the tone so it's easy to project your own mood and language style and decide it was an angry post, while someone else would imagine it being calm-ish. I saw this few times.

Can adults really not deal with a random on the internet not saying things in a fluffy way or being a little mean?

Its not about having something said to you in a direct, non-fluffy way. Im a real fan of telling people how it is, I hate 'fluffing' points. Ive been pulled up for that before on here.

However thats not what the OPs talking about. Its about the piling on, hive mind that seems to exist on AIBU. I do feel like some people come here for an argument.

I haven't noticed any "bullying" but I haven't been around long and don't take it too seriously anyway. threads tend to be boring when everyone agrees so a bit of a rumpus is welcome sometimes.

the obvious response is "log off" if you don't like what you see...

you could also try reading things in different tones... the problem with cyber communication is that you lose body language and verbal expression; words tend to be read in the mood of the reader rather than the mood of the writer, which means there is lots of room for misinterpretation as straight forward talkers are likely to be straight forward writers and could come across as being abrasive, when in reality, they are just writing as they are thinking...

I agree. People can be really really nasty and it's not just AIBU anymore. There's some pretty unpleasant name calling, blaming and shaming going on in lots of sections. You also have to remember people may type something in a genuinely well meant way and due to style, tempo, vocabulary it can come across harsh and abrasive when read by someone in a different head space.

The only time I’ve seen a “you’ve posted before” comment is when someone posts about a problem, is overwhelmingly given the same advice by pretty much everyone, then posts again asking what they should do.

I don’t see it as a mob mentality, I see it more as people sometimes not wanting to stick their head above the parapet with an alternative view because that is when a pile on happens. Once one person does so, others feel more confident to give the unpopular opinion.

Nobody is forcing anyone to use the site. There are plenty of others around if you don’t like this one.

Totally agree. It’s getting worse I think. There are posters that come on here with the sole intent of causing misery.

MN does need to do more to stop this I think. I’ve reported posters for their behaviour and it has been ignored.

I do think there is a lot of bullying on here but I dont think saying someone needs professional help is always wrong....they might literally think the person needs help?

I agree. And surely, the very act of communicating through writing means we should all have the ability to edit our contributions a lot more than speech?

I think the awful truth is a lot of people like to be unkind.

I think some of the complaints about bullying on these frequent threads do a real disservice to genuine victims of bullying.

This ^

Totally agree with @JosefKeller at 19:56:34

I am on here a lot. I have rarely seen any bullying.
AIBU is robust.

If people want a fluffy answer, then they can ask people in real life. If you want an honest answer, then ask "the internet". It is sometimes what posters actually need - and they come back and say so. Sometimes on the thread and sometimes a year later, people come and start another thread and thank posters for helping them see through the fog.
Being given an honest answer is not bullying.
Being told something you don't want to hear is not bullying.
If you are struggling with your mental health, then post in relationships or bereavement or even mental health and you will get all the support in the world.
If you genuinely want an objective opinion, or an 'outside view', then ask in AIBU and you will get what you have asked for - an honest, objective opinion, based on the information given.

I've seen this alot on here the whole ganging up thing as well it's not a very nice forum now. I reported 3 posters in 2 weeks on here .

OP - agree no one should be bullied but sometimes some of the...erm “harsher” answers can be what makes mumsnet so funny. If it was full of people just saying “aaw, hun - yes I totally agree with you - have some ” it would get boring! It’s about seeing different peoples opinions.

I think if you’re a bit sensitive you maybe shouldn’t post on an anonymous forum.

Being given an honest answer is not bullying

Depends what the honest answer is. And the fact that messages get deleted all the time shows that it’s not ‘honesty’ the poster is displaying.

My mil says she’s ‘just honest’ or ‘calls a spade a spade’ when in fact she can be incredibly rude and obnoxious.

I’m not saying people have talk fluffy to each other but sometimes lines get crossed and posters forget that there is a human being sat behind the screen asking for help.

Full of Miss Marples is AIBU.

I have had to name change a few times as I have posted as a step mum and have felt really ganged up on.

Some people post here to vent not to be told they need a bigger house, are a shit step parent.

YANBU

I think if you’re a bit sensitive you maybe shouldn’t post on an anonymous forum

Or maybe people could just stop being cunts.

^Being given an honest answer is not bullying.
Being told something you don't want to hear is not bullying.
If you are struggling with your mental health, then post in relationships or bereavement or even mental health and you will get all the support in the world.
If you genuinely want an objective opinion, or an 'outside view', then ask in AIBU and you will get what you have asked for - an honest, objective opinion, based on the information given.^

It isn't just an honest answer though or not giving fluffy answers.

I've had threads, and seen threads where people have piled on and said unnecessarily malicious things. Where posters try to trip the op up on things accusing them of lying, name calling too.

I've been told on here that "I couldn't possibly have anything else to worry about", for posting something that some people thought was trivial. Even though I'd clearly explained that it was a straw that broke the camels backs type situation, after a build up of things. I was actually going through one of the darkest times of my life, but even when I explained that, I was told that couldn't possibly be true if I was complaining about something so first world.

One poster in particular posted over 10 times mocking me, making up scenarios that they thought I'd supposedly get upset about. It was horrible.

Why is it always new posters who start these threads? It's like they spend an hour on AIBU and decide they know the place better than anyone, starting these 'you're all big bullies' threads .

I've just read, and commented on, a thread that is exactly like this. I think people underestimate how lonely and desperate for advice others can be, and how your words (even typed) can directly impact someone else's self esteem and decisions.
You're right OP, some people take it too far and there is no need.
It's bizarre, because if many of the posters read a thread involving someone talking to/messaging an OP the way that they themselves comment on here, it would be those hypocritical individuals calling for blood!

I'm not a new poster, I did say that I previously deleted my account because of abuse I got on here.