To think there is a bit of a gang/bullying problem on here ?

[Usemyname123]

After reading through some threads, most posters are lovely, kind and helpful. However, there is sometimes this thing where when poster criticises the OP and all of a sudden most posters also gang up on him /her.
I've seen so many people told, "You need professional help." as opposed to suggesting that someone may find therapy helpful. Telling a stranger they 'need professional help' is out of order.
"You've posted before !!" Because apparently nothing can ever happen more than once. It's also not a crime to post more than once if people feel they want further help or advice.
Talking about the OP as if he/she isn't there. "She posted that 1 week ago" etc.
"You sound like a needy 14 year old".
I think sometimes it just goes a bit too far.

@MintySpud @GinDaddy

Crikey, you two have pretty much given us all a great example of the behaviour OP is referencing! How about you take your spat to a more appropriate topic?

I don't think there's a "gang" problem as such, to be honest I rarely recognise usernames except some on the Westminsterenders threads so I might not recognise it though.

But I do think people are gratuitously nasty at times. For example the thread now about Uzbekistan. More than one person saying how horrible the OP must be, rather than answering the actual question about the holiday destination. And after she's actually said she was a bit unreasonable and will consider it with an open mind and has told her DH so. There is no need.

If you can't be nice - or at least constructive, just scroll on.

I had already left the thread but you summoned me back with a tag. 🙄

hides post again

@MintySpud

What, you want to just stick your head in the sand? OWN IT.

I agree with Minty.

@cologne4711

The Uzbekistan post is a brilliant example of AIBU at it's worst.

One person spots a minor thing, then everyone piles in and completely ignores the premise of the topic.

"Oh, but AIBU is meant to be robust" i hear people say.

Well sure, but that's not being robust. It's being deliberately snide and finding a way to hurt someone for no reason.

Does anyone honestly believe it's a good idea to go on an anonymous open forum if they can be hurt by something as insignificant as a complete stranger's post?

Yes, there is. I cant stand the way posters are often described as hysterical, neurotic, stupid, insecure, or have a screw loose, or 'are you 10 years old?' All the usual shitty words and phrases used to demean and minimise a woman with worries as being not quite with it. Maybe they think they're being clever but it's boring. A load of lemmings, 1 says something nasty then loads follow, trying to use different words to say the same thing. Purposely done to take the piss and derail but I'm guessing they don't feel too good about themselves either so it's easy to prowl, find someone going through stress then anonymously vent your spleen by making someone else feel like shit too.

GinDaddy, you seem to have a habit of telling women what to do on MN. I hope your attitude doesn't spill over into real life.

@SpamChaudFroid

I don't get why you and others are making such a thing of the fact that MN is majority women.

I call out things I think are wrong when I see it, irrespective of sex.

The reason why I highlighted women giving other women a good kicking, is because I was mildly surprised that on a forum where the ethos should in theory be a supportive sisterhood (especially on the DV and abuse topics I mentioned), instead we're seeing vitriol thrown at those women, from folk who are most likely women themselves.

But hey, here's a classic example of what this post is all about.

I tried to talk about negative forum behaviours, and a bunch of people excitedly found that I'd used the term "women" and seized on this as a sole point of criticism.

Nice, hope you feel you've achieved something here. I'm out before i derail this thread any further, but it's embarrassing to see the same stuff that we talk about, happening right here.

Some people have very few or no friends in rl or feel they can’t confide in the people they know that might be down to a number of reasons and they might feel really lonely

Its not unreasonable to expect people to be empathetic on a site that in it’s very nature is meant to be supportive

Still some if they have a chance to be nasty they certainly are willing to take it up

Maybe the OP doesn’t agree with the advice, or the advice is batshit.

The OP definitely wants a different answer but the advice has been mainly sound. He's moved on, trears her like shit and she won't stop torturing herself.

Yabvu. A lot of people post on here because they are too close to the issue and dont realise they need professional Help.

If you read enough of the threads where people pile on like this, you'll quickly begin to recognise usernames. It's a sport for some people nothing more.
Fortunately, many more mumsnetters are lovely, balanced and helpful and usually manage to drown out the nastiness.

I do recognise those usernames now, on my thread they were having an entire conversation between themselves like I wasn't there. I stopped posting for a while on it and they were still writing abuse to me, then some of them decided I must only be very young and I had pretended to be older 🙄. It really verged on bullying and I honestly felt embarrassed and ashamed. I've seen them posting on other threads too and they are just as rude.

The only real way to react once your thread turns into that sort of pile on is to hide the thread and disengage totally. You can try to defend yourself but they'll claim they don't believe you and create their own "story" about what might have happened.
It's sad and a part of MN I really dislike but actually only a tiny part. Mostly it's supportive and really good fun.